Every year, some work experience kid in the marketing department has to come up with a marketing slogan for the club’s membership drive.
A line from a song is often used or sometimes something just bizarre. Strangely, despite most of them being innocuous, they can go spectacularly wrong, look at Essendon’s ‘Whatever it takes’ or Carlton’s ‘They know we’re coming.’
Let’s have a look at the 2016 crop and recommend some helpful alternatives.
Slogan: We Fly as One
Review: Hard to not like this one, especially after the classy way it was used following Phil Walsh’s passing last year, when even opposition supporters used it as a mark of respect. No pressure on the person coming up with next years’ one then.
Alternate slogan: Now containing 100% less Dangerfield
Slogan: Believe. Belong.
Review: Had this for a while now which suggests the marketing department just can’t come up with a new one because you wouldn’t keep this one by choice.
Alternate slogan: Come for the inflatable Lion, stay for the footy, or don’t
Slogan: Bound by Blue
Review: This one is perfect. It captures the trapped feeling a Carlton supporter must have all the time. Like organised religion, supporting Carlton is only something a person would do if they are constrained by family and community ties.
Alternate slogan: Trapped by Blue
Slogan: Side by Side
Review: Another old slogan that’s been around for a few years but let’s give Pies fans a chance to finish reading it before introducing a new one.
Alternate slogan: See year five of the coaching transition
Slogan: Don the Sash
Review: The Don the Sash part is not new and is actually pretty good. On their membership page they’ve got ‘Standing Firm?’ I like the question mark. They’re both aware you wouldn’t want to but it also reads a bit like a threat, “You’re not thinking of leaving us are you?”
As a sub heading they’ve got ‘We understand it’s not that simple’. This might be the most honest thing Essendon have said in a while.
Alternate slogan: Don the Sash, if legally allowed
Slogan: Forever Freo
Review: Not sure if this is a slogan or a sad realisation. I can only imagine how excited the marketing team were when they worked out a slogan containing two words starting with F.
Alternate slogan: Who wants the last slice of Pav?
Slogan: Greatness. Our Tradition. Our Ambition
Review: Is something only going back to 2007 a tradition? I was hoping it was more a passing fad. The ambition bit is true though, given they’ve got Patrick Dangerfield now and he’ll solve all their problems.
Alternate slogan: Highway to the Dangerfield
Slogan: We are Gold Coast. We are your Suns
Review: The second bit is coming on a little strong. A bit like telling someone you’re their soul mate on a first date. Slow down Suns, at least buy us a drink, which I know you like.
Alternate slogan: Suns of God
Slogan: Expect big things
Review: In my experience, saying something like this is usually overcompensating. Trust me, this is a like me on a date. Talks a good game but can’t back it up, which is the Giants in a nutshell.
Alternate slogan: Please notice us Sydney
Slogan: Hawthorn. Always
Review: Just a depressing statement of reality really. I would have added a few swear words but this still works I guess.
Alternate slogan: Rinse, repeat
Slogan: My heart beats true
Review: It would have to be your heart because no person using their brain would fork over their hard earned based on the last decade. On the positive side, it may be a celebration that you haven’t had a heart attack watching the garbage served up under the Schwab years and the painful rebuilding the rebuild period.
Alternate slogan: See Jesse Hogan. Hurry, last shows
Slogan: Shinboner Spirit. One & All
Review: Shinboner spirit is a classic but the ‘One & All’ should probably have a question mark after it to be accurate.
Alternate slogan: Watch Todd Goldstein carry a whole team
Slogan: We are Port Adelaide
Review: Another that’s been in use a few years. Useful for their fans to make sure they don’t accidentally barrack for the wrong team.
“Who are we again?”
“It’s written on your membership.”
“So you’re not going to be helpful then?”
Alternate slogan: Now with added Jimmy Toumpas
Slogan: Strong & Bold
Review: Needs a disclaimer saying ‘offer does not apply in September’.
Alternate slogan: Secure your final tickets
Slogan: Be St Kilda
Review: Were was the marketing team when they came up with this? Not in the room obviously and not at that charity cricket match the whole team snubbed either. This may be the worst of the lot.
Considering they are actually based in Seaford but are moving to Moorabbin means even the club can’t ‘Be St Kilda’.
Alternate slogan: Help fund our poor home base choices
Slogan: Welcome to the Spectacular
Review: It’s flashy with little substance so it’s perfect for the Harbour City.
Alternate slogan: You don’t have to go to ANZ Stadium anymore
Slogan: The West is United
Review: This is really trolling given the Dockers play in the same stadium as them. The only thing Western Australia is united over is their dislike of the east coast and mining taxes.
Alternate slogan: We’re flying high but now in a good way
Slogan: Be more Bulldog
Review: I’m not sure if being more of something that hasn’t won a premiership since 1954 is what you want. I suppose ‘Be more like Hawthorn’ would be odd though.
Alternate slogan: Still Liam Jones free