World leaders call on AFL to end international drug trade

World leaders have called on the AFL to do more to end the international trade in illicit drugs.

US President Barack Obama said the world was relying on the AFL to solve arguably the most complex problem of modern times and one every government had so far failed to fix.

“We, the people of this world, call upon a provincial sporting body based in Australia, to solve the scourge of illicit drugs across our entire globe.”

“It is only fitting that we the inhabitants of Earth, hold the AFL accountable for curing this disease that brings so much misery to our communities.”

Chancellor of Germany Angela Merkel said the decades long war on drugs by the world’s governments, with all their technology, reach and resources, had resulted only in failure.

“It’s appropriate that we now expect the AFL and their clubs to wipe it out and for them to take on the drug cartels directly and end their pernicious reign.”

A source close to the Mexican drug cartels said the AFL’s entry into the war against drugs was their ‘biggest nightmare’.

“The AFL’s ability to run and carry off half back and link up going forward, is something the drug cartels have no answer for.

“We fear they can win both handball receives and hard ball gets, whilst choking our supply lines with intercept marks and a zone defence. Yeah I said ‘whilst’. We’re not all uneducated grunts in the cartels.”

British Prime Minister David Cameron said the AFL needed to immediately change its ‘soft’ approach to illicit substances and name and shame players and introduce a ‘zero tolerance’ approach.”

“Governments and law enforcement agencies have repeatedly shown how successful a hardline approach can be.”

“Only by treating these players as criminals, rather than through a treatment approach, can the AFL be successful and end the global drug trade.

“I’m just glad people are now acknowledging the AFL’s ability to solve this, despite everyone else who has tried failing.”

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  1. joffaboy66

    TitusOReily but vascillate and obfuscate on performance enhancibg drugs for years and years

  2. Johnno31

    And meanwhile reward the real drug cheats with prime time fixturing including Anzac, plus top up players denied to other effected clubs. Yes. Gil the Dill and his mates Futzpatrick and Vlad have done such a great job.

  3. gsmith112

    TitusOReily Obama went on to urge the AFL to reinstate Demetriou to oversee this important issue.

  4. JasonBeach11

    TitusOReily THE greatest thing I’ve read on the internet.About time we had maybe A WAR ON DRUGS. That’ll show them

  5. Tony Voorhaar

    Thanks Titus, for giving us all a smile on our dial

  6. Christine Boulter

    In the meantime, all workplaces should take up e same approach as the AFL….that will work !

  7. Paul Eberl

    I lost it about the “Mexican Drug Cartels” cause we call Melbournians, Mexicans in South Australia….Lmao

  8. bomberdi

    DarylAdair Kate_Seear TitusOReily Wow! Having the President of US commenting on AFL … that’s big!!

  9. sheppo

    Maybe the UN can get the Illuminate to fix the problem? After all a one world government is supposed to fix everything isn’t it? But the Mexicans are just bit players in the drug trade compared to Russia! But maybe Fev can start a drug rehab centre with his IACGMOOH winnings! 😉

  10. Tony TC

    Does their discussion also include why Travis Cloke is now aimning to be as far away from the ball as possible?

  11. Mick_EFC

    That doesn’t work, Sydneysiders call us that because we’re “south of the border”…we’re not south of SA.

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