World leaders have called on the AFL to do more to end the international trade in illicit drugs.
US President Barack Obama said the world was relying on the AFL to solve arguably the most complex problem of modern times and one every government had so far failed to fix.
“We, the people of this world, call upon a provincial sporting body based in Australia, to solve the scourge of illicit drugs across our entire globe.”
“It is only fitting that we the inhabitants of Earth, hold the AFL accountable for curing this disease that brings so much misery to our communities.”
Chancellor of Germany Angela Merkel said the decades long war on drugs by the world’s governments, with all their technology, reach and resources, had resulted only in failure.
“It’s appropriate that we now expect the AFL and their clubs to wipe it out and for them to take on the drug cartels directly and end their pernicious reign.”
A source close to the Mexican drug cartels said the AFL’s entry into the war against drugs was their ‘biggest nightmare’.
“The AFL’s ability to run and carry off half back and link up going forward, is something the drug cartels have no answer for.
“We fear they can win both handball receives and hard ball gets, whilst choking our supply lines with intercept marks and a zone defence. Yeah I said ‘whilst’. We’re not all uneducated grunts in the cartels.”
British Prime Minister David Cameron said the AFL needed to immediately change its ‘soft’ approach to illicit substances and name and shame players and introduce a ‘zero tolerance’ approach.”
“Governments and law enforcement agencies have repeatedly shown how successful a hardline approach can be.”
“Only by treating these players as criminals, rather than through a treatment approach, can the AFL be successful and end the global drug trade.
“I’m just glad people are now acknowledging the AFL’s ability to solve this, despite everyone else who has tried failing.”