General Action during the 2014 Womens Exhibition match between the Melbourne Demons and the Western Bulldogs at Etihad Stadium, Melbourne on June 29, 2014. (Photo: Sean Garnsworthy/AFL Media)

AFL’s Women’s league probably against nature’s laws

Today, the AFL will announce at least eight teams – and possibly 10 – to play in its yet-to-be named women’s competition.

While this is cause for celebration for many, I wonder if we are not rushing into this without considering that women playing football is almost certainly against the laws of nature.

It seems to me that equality between the sexes is happening far too quickly across society.

The pace is just so fast.

As a white man, I’m deeply concerned that this trend is hurting the incompetent white men who have for centuries carved out a place in the community on company boards, in footy clubs and in all the high paying, respected jobs.

Why, there have even been a handful of women in the Federal Cabinet and look at how destabilising that’s been to the country.

It gets worse.

A recent report by KPMG for the ASX Corporate Governance Council showed that for the top 200 companies, an alarmingly high 22 per cent of board members were female.

Company boards should at least be a safe space for white men. A place safe from currently fashionable, yet baseless ideas like ‘equality’ and ‘climate change’.

Yet the report shows there’s some good news. Females at CFO level actually reduced. In 2011 and 2016 just 5 per cent of CEOs and 10 per cent of COOs were women, while the proportion of CFOs fell from 8 per cent in 2011 to 6 per cent in 2016.

I think that shows we’ve done enough to pay lip service to this whole thing. The report showed that for ASX 200 companies, 99 per cent now have a gender diversity policy.

What more do these girls want? Actual change?

There can be no doubt the tide is rising, and today’s announcement is another crack in the glass floor my success and many other somewhat hopeless white men, is built on.

So before we cheer the AFL’s announcement today, let us pause and think, should women be playing football at all?

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  1. Corey Wickert

    The Lions will interchange the men’s and women’s teams from week to week. No one will notice.

  2. Mark Bröadley

    Except they’ll win when the women play hahaha

  3. Edmund Fothringham-Smythe

    It’s an absolute abomination of the worst kind! Women should be having tea parties and thinking of babies’ names, not playing a mens’s game on our hallowed turf. What next? The vote?

  4. Gunninho

    They’ll be voting next. Tsk! No good can come of it, mark my words. And what of their delicate constitutions? And what of the children? Won’t somebody think of the children??

  5. Hugo Von Winterhalter

    Remember the good old days? When women actually stuck to stuff they could do properly!

  6. Mummy's Little Helper

    Being politically correct, will a chest mark now be called a breast mark?

  7. Max Mccarthy

    Bit unfair that freo get to field 2 women’s teams while some teams get none

  8. Horrie Chunter

    Good luck to any coach trying to tell 22 women what to do. I’d rather take my chances as a suicide bomber.

  9. Mark Jenkins

    thanks goodness we have the ‘World Game’ to fall back on – at least they know how to act like gentlemen and have the best administrators money can buy!!!

  10. Duane Harrison

    Now men can carry on about footy the same way women do and say their favourite player is the hottest one!

  11. Donald Chump

    Sorry ladies, but I’ve watched women’s football. It has as much chance of taking off as a spectator sport as chess.

  12. Edna Merkle

    There goes the shot clock. Can you imagine a woman being told she only has 30 seconds…

  13. Cameron Cresswell

    Such a cis male thing to say U0001f612 Chae Lally

  14. Tim Emery

    Julia Grunwell, Julia Bickerstaff
    You will love this, satire so very close to reality…..

  15. Orson Cart

    All God fearing men should teach these radical women a lesson by withdrawing bedroom privileges until they see sense.

  16. Chris Benson

    What??? This is satire…..surely he speaks the truth!!

  17. Basil Beaker

    I’ve got no objections to women playing footy. As long as they get home in time to get the dinner on.

  18. Hugo Von Winterhalter

    Have you seen the women who play Duane? They’re as attractive as cane toads.

  19. Geoff Schaefer

    Will have to renovate all the change rooms. Don’t they all have to go to the toilet at the same time?

  20. Geoff Schaefer

    You forgot the lounge room Lindsay. Carpets don’t vacuum themselves you know…

  21. Aidan Archer

    Is everybody ready for equal pay arguments in a few weeks?

  22. Kate Allen

    If only you could count U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602

  23. Benny Batten

    Next they’ll be asking for near to equal pay.. lord help us then

  24. pgoog59

    Good luck with your tilt at a senate seat Titus. Family First needs candidates such as yourself.

  25. John O'Connell

    Will Collingwood be allowed to drop Cloke to the thirds?

  26. Prue Kearvell

    Love it Titus. Yes I am a woman but still appreciate fantastic writingU0001f603However , I am wondering if your tongue gets tired after being firmly placed in cheek for a length of time? U0001f496U0001f496U0001f496

  27. Prue Kearvell

    As a woman may I say absolutely agree. NOT going to end well whatho?

  28. Prue Kearvell

    Me again!Just read all the comments. Seriously should be compulsory for everyone to read.All the terrible things that have happened over the week would be instantly forgotten and a feeling of warmth would take over as one realizes how many hilarious and articulate people there are out there U0001f44dU0001f44dU0001f44d

  29. Ryan Butcher

    Pity there is a Richmond team they would find a way to finish 9th

  30. Brett Turnbull

    Butch I think you meant “isn’t” a Richmond team. Plus we should just concentrate on getting one good one

  31. John Palamara

    When did you start writing left wing crap. Stick with the light hearted stuff. This is just tripe.

  32. YEAH NAH

    Mick Malthouse must be a monty for a coaching position of one of these teams. After all, no man has the coaching experience of coaching womens teams that Mick has at Carlton and Collingwood.

  33. t_rivett

    Women already play soccer and netball in large numbers. This is about the shape of the ball, not the ability of women to play sport. Sorry that I can’t find anything funny to say…

  34. Max Mccarthy

    “And smith takes a HUGE breast mark” i cant wait.

  35. Rob Hob

    West Coast came under close consideration, but the AFL decided on a team that plays both home AND away games.

  36. Josh Bergin

    Tim Murphy “There can be no doubt the tide is rising, and today’s announcement is another crack in the glass floor my success and many other somewhat hopeless white men, is built on.”

  37. Nick Hilton

    Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

  38. Michael Charlton

    Freos women’s team will win a flag before the men team. ☺

  39. Michael Charlton

    Any bets richmond will become the 9th team to field a women’s team. ☺

  40. sheppo

    My 6yo is in her 2nd year of Auskick, and loves it. I’m not saying I have a budding Nat Fyfe (her favourite player) in the mix, but I’m stoked she might have the chance to actually play footy, Australian Rule Football, at a top level. I’m also thinking of making up bumper stickers that go something like this – So, your son plays soccer, that’s cute, my daughter plays AFL. You must be so proud. 😉

  41. Craig Woodward

    Bad luck Titus, they are after your job too, as well as mine :/

  42. MacHawk

    Judging by how literally some of the female respondents reacted to this article I think your cynical, satirical, beer stained couch job is as safe as condoms.

  43. sheppo

    Let’s just remember the Saints haven’t won one since ’66, Dogs since ’54, and Richmond haven’t won one single final since the early ’80’s. And of course The Swans had a 73 year drought before ’05.

  44. Stej Bosnjak

    More women play the world game than any other sport

  45. Stej Bosnjak

    Will Titus be doing a highly unhelpful guide for the women’s comp?

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