Wallabies concede ‘rugby not really their thing’

The Australian Rugby Union (ARU) has conceded that rugby is ‘not really the Wallabies thing’ and will look for ‘other exciting opportunities for the brand’.

The announcement has been a long time coming and was partly driven by a concern that their existence continued to make New Zealanders feel positive about themselves and their country.

“Obviously playing rugby isn’t the best fit for the Wallabies. We don’t see it as a core competency anymore,” said ARU CEO Bill Pulver.

“We’re excited though to find other synergies for what is a well-known brand amoungst the Australian public.

“We’ll be engaging our stakeholders about take this exciting development forward.”

Australian rugby fans have reacted positively to the news.

“It will be nice to get a fair chunk of my life actually,” said fan and Supreme Court Justice Neil Schoenwaters.

“If we can convince England and South Africa to do the same, we basically make the All Blacks irrelevant, which would be nice.

“If you can’t beat them, destroy the game they love.”

Wallabies player Dane Haylett-Petty said it was a sad day as he’d really enjoyed seeing the haka up close.

“I suppose it’s inevitable. I mean, our best player by a mile is actually from League.”

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