Melbourne chat to Jesse Hogan’s manager

Jesse Hogan’s manager Matt Bain rang Melbourne’s Manager Football Operations Josh Mahoney to tell him Jesse was putting off contract negotiations until next year.

Matt Bain: Hi Josh, it’s Matt Bain.

Josh Mahoney: Matt! So great to hear from you. I was just staring at a picture of Jesse actually.

Bain: Really? Why?

Mahoney: Nothing weird about staring at a picture of a 21-year-old footballer all morning Matt.

Bain: I guess… So I’m ringing about the contract negotiations.

Mahoney: Twenty years, $20 million. No, $30 million!

Bain: Mate, it’s not really my job to do this but you have to stop bidding against yourself. You’re coming across as a bit desperate.

Mahoney: I was just kidding Matt. Unless $30 million would get it done? Would it get it done?

Bain: Josh, I’m actually ringing to tell you Jesse wants to hold off on negotiations until next year.

Mahoney: (Muffled sobbing, interrupted by shrieking)

Bain: Josh are you OK?

Mahoney: I’m fine. I came on too strong didn’t I? I just really like him. The way he talks, the way he competently plays football. I can change, tell him I can change.

Bain: Josh, it’s not you, it’s Jesse. He really likes you, honestly. He just wants to take a bit of a break. Things have been pretty intense, probably moving a bit too fast.

Mahoney: It’s over isn’t it? Was it something I said? It was when I jumped out of that birthday cake. I knew it was stupid at the time.

Bain: No, no! He still really likes you it’s not over, it’s just a break. Lot’s of people do that and it all works out all the time.

Mahoney: No it doesn’t. Look at Buddy and Dangerfield. Is there someone else?

Bain: No! Certainly not.

Mahoney: It’s Ross isn’t it? I knew there was something. The way Ross looks at him.

Bain: Josh, you need to calm down. This is good for you too. A chance to clear your head.

Mahoney: I better go now.

Bain: Josh! It’s OK.

Mahoney: I just need to be alone for a few days.

(hangs up)

Jesse Hogan: How did it go?

Bain: Great! Really well, nothing to worry about.

Hogan: You didn’t tell him about Ross did you?

Bain: Oh lord no.

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  1. Luke Wharton

    I could just screenshot your messages and call myself Titus

  2. Andrew Caire

    Contract not expired for 2 years. Nothing to see here.

  3. Pantaloons64

    TitusOReily surely freo are the least of our worries. They’ll be licking the bottom of the toilet in 2 years.

  4. Brendan McMahon

    Steve Gosden Alastair Mollison Ben Stow regardless of who you follow, this is pretty funny

  5. Dave Atkins

    Love it. Love it more if I wasn’t a Dee’s supporter…
    I do kinda get psychotic thoughts like “if he doesn’t play for us… He plays for no one…”

  6. Sean Warren

    Bahahahaha Stefan Olly
    Michael Robbins
    Justin Warren

  7. therealjerakeen

    Pantaloons64 TitusOReily The toilet has been licked to crystal clear perfection from the dees’ last decade friend

  8. Robyn Hay

    You are priceless Titus, even though I couldn’t give a darn what happens at Melbourne , at least you are able to have a laugh at your own team’s expense.

  9. James Chirgwin

    Elias Benjamin Mitch McPherson Curtis Mollison Wade McGrath James McQuillan one of you really needs to convert to the dees so I can start relentlessly tagging you in all of these

  10. Michael Luber

    Scott Campbell Adam Wilson breaks my heart… That roughy will have to share goals with him next year

  11. Alexander Supertramp

    You people are fools. 2 years contract. Not this year. But he’s somewhere else next year??? None of you read, just respond haphazardly without any basis.

  12. Scott Campbell

    I hear we swapped Dawes for him, oh wait……

  13. Michael Luber

    i hear Adam Wilson went awol from work the second this came out

  14. Brad Wadsworth

    Mate, I’m just trying to give you some honest feedback. Don’t take it out on me

  15. Louise Croatto

    I tried to display both laughing and crying with the new emojis but it didn’t work so I stuck with good old “like”.

  16. Ben McGrouther

    Takin the piss, but basically hogan delayed Contract negotiations

  17. LSISSO

    As a Melbourne supporter this isn’t even comedy…it’s reality


  18. Dane Triggs

    Oh haha
    I would too if I was him
    Think how much more he will be worth in two years

  19. Ben McGrouther

    Probably get the same now tbh…. look at boyd

  20. Matthew Dunn

    What I love about this guy stuff, is the fact he’s a Melbourne supporter

  21. Damian Talbot

    Hey Titus where’s the clever satire regarding Gary Lyon and Brownless? Oh yeah we’re not allowed to talk about that

  22. Dane Triggs

    Boyds and over rated piece of shut lol
    And that was another club poaching him always gunnah pay a lot higher

  23. Ben McGrouther

    Haha true… gunna be some pretty big offers for you blokes to fend off regardless 😉

  24. Gajan Thiyagarajah

    Dean Goldstein “Muffled sobbing, interrupted by shrieking” is about right

  25. muzza54

    TitusOReily consider yourself lucky, good old “Pickers” isnt his manager

  26. RayCapo79

    TitusOReily brilliant. As per usual. I did hear we (freo) have offered him one of Gina Reinhart’s mines…

  27. Nicholas Coleman

    even funny cause he’s Melbourne Football Club. He nails it

  28. Miro Mihaly

    Its funny cause he takes the piss out of everyone

  29. 17Doddy_7

    TitusOReily i’m sick of Melbourne losing their talent. I hope the kid stays we have a great list developing.

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