A new tennis format, developed right here in Australia, debuts tonight on Channel Nine.

It’s a shortened version of the game because research has shown people who love tennis would like a lot less of it.

The research also showed that our modern attentions spans are so shor… what was I typing? This sentence is boring.

Unfortunately, research showing people would like less Lleyton Hewitt was ignored.

Players such as Roger Federer have come out in support of the format because they’re getting paid a small fortune too.

“It’s great. Less work for lots of money, it’s like being voted a senator,” said Mr Federer.

Here’s the basic rules:

• The ball is attached to a string, which is attached to a pole. If it spins past you twice you lose a point
• Each player gets twenty overs
• The consumption of alcohol is encouraged, especially the players
• If the audience gets bored, they throw their plastic chairs into a giant pile on the court
• At the change of ends, both players must promote ‘The Block’ for twenty minutes through song or interpretive dance
• If the ball hits the net and goes in, everyone in the crowd gets a free drink
• An F-grade celebrity in the crowd is actually the umpire
• Grunting will be replaced by a weird yodeling
• Tonight is ladies night
• Players won’t run but will instead be on Segways
• When a player serves an ace, fireworks will go off that will be dangerously close to the players and audience
• The camera will now linger on wives and girlfriends for the majority of the match, often missing large chunks of a match.

Now that you’ve read the rules, you have to admit, it’s so crazy it might just work. Enjoy.