Well this has got out of hand. Sure, the idea of hundreds of breastfeeding ladies turning up at theSunrise set is something I’ve always dreamed about.

But angry, breastfeeding women seem more like a nightmare. Not even a sexy nightmare like that recurring one I have about Hulk Hogan.

Oddly, it seems I need to explain my comment that women should keep ‘classy’ when breastfeeding.

I mean, do all those people angry with me think unclassy breastfeeding should be allowed?

It’s so easy to be classy while breastfeeding. Here are some tips I came up with while watching tapes of me at Beaconsfield.

1. Posture

By keeping the correct posture, women can easily stay classy. Simply contort your body in a hunched over fashion with one leg hiked up. Think Gollum in The Lord of the Rings.

This way, people will barely notice you’re a mammal.

2. Get a classy haircut

Nothing distracts from your chest area more than a great haircut. The new haircut of the season is ‘The Chop’. Supermodel, Karlie Kloss, has made it popular in case you’ve been distracted away from important fashion magazines by something needy like a small, screaming infant.

In fact, women who are breastfeeding should take a lead from Karlie and her Victoria Secret Angel friends. They wouldn’t be caught dead breastfeeding at the edge of a pool. (Except Miranda Kerr. But let’s not introduce facts.)

3. Consider a tent

One of the many great things about a tent is that you can breastfeed in roomy comfort.

Now I don’t want to have my suggestion taken out of context. I’m not suggesting women should wear a tent all of the time. Let’s start with while they are breastfeeding and see how it goes. Consider the skin cancer benefits.

4. Separate facilities for men and women

I love hanging out with women. Especially women who don’t have to feed babies every couple of hours.

For the ones who do, how about separate facilities away from the rest of us? That way they could enjoy at least six month of social isolation. What a great way to bond with their child! It’s a win-win solution for all of us.

A Minor Apology

I would like to apologise that some people could not grasp the subtlety of my comments. It must be difficult stumbling through life, constantly grasping towards understanding, only to come up short every time.

It is my sincere hope that explaining myself here convinces women that I am not only on their side but one of their greatest allies. I’ve devoted all my time at Sunrise to promoting women’s rights to fashion, beauty tips, celebrity gossip and amazing weight loss cures.

You’re welcome ladies!

Kochie