Tom Waterhouse: No one but a Waterhouse trashes our name

Boy, I’m mad! So mad I forgot my moisturising routine this morning.

Now my skin feels both dry and oily at the same time. How does that even happen? Mum says it’s something to do with going through puberty.

What John Singleton said about my Mummy was super mean. He’s such a bully.

I learnt to deal with bullies at a very young age and I’ll handle this the way I handled it at school, through lawyers and a media blitz.

There are two major flaws in Singo’s argument. Firstly, I backed More Joyous to win and secondly, his allegation that people socialise with me and listen to what I say.

Surely me betting $300,000 on the horse to win is proof enough I didn’t tell people it would lose? I understand $300,000 is not a lot of money but the amount shouldn’t matter. $300,000 still gets a few of my ads to run on TV.

When I saw Mum yesterday, she was really shaken. It was 10am and she hadn’t even had her morning gin.

I gave her a big long hug until she said it was getting awkward and I should stop. My dad called and said the very suggestion that a Waterhouse could be caught up in a racing scandal was ludicrous.

Singleton needs to understand one thing; I will go to any lengths to protect the slightly tarnished, pretty unpopular Waterhouse name.

John Singleton: I meant what I said when I was almost sober the other day

I’ve had a gutful. It’s probably because I started drinking six hours ago and probably need to slow down if this is going to make any sense.

Gai and I have been friends for years. The integrity of her family is something that attracted me.

I really felt we shared a love of alcohol, money, horses and being from Sydney.

But like most Australians, I’m really over her son Tom. Every bloody time I turn on my TV, there he is. I like marketing and all but there are third world dictators who are less omnipresent.

Anyway, then I find out he’s been telling so of my friends, who are of course notable internationally, that my horse can’t win!

Gai had said nothing about this.

Well obviously I realised the only way to really solve this is to blow up at the racecourse in front of television cameras.

I then decided to follow this with a series of rambling interviews. The best bit though was having Gerry Harvey tag along all day looking both bemused and slightly uncomfortable.

Now, there’s only one way to finish this. A long protracted legal case with regular media appearances.

You’re welcome, Australia.