I am a member of an A-League club and have been attending games regularly since the competition began. It’s a great sport and a great competition.

While many sections of the media attempt to portray an A-League match as a trip to the tribal areas of Afghanistan, most A-League fans are peaceful, law abiding people.

However its not all the media’s fault. It seems a few fans have forgotten some of the finer points of polite behavior.

I’m sure they’ve just forgotten and need gentle reminding.

Here are some subtle tips on how to behave at an A-League game.

Try really hard not to punch people

This is an important point and one that can easily be forgotten. It’s generally considered good etiquette not to go around hitting people.

This applies to almost all situations in life. Possible exceptions include: self-defence, meeting Kyle Sandilands and when someone doesn’t wave to you when you give way to them in a tight side street.

While the media often like to play this issue up, especially following the footage of a Heart fan belting a few people appearing on You Tube, it’s not common at games.

Luckily, this fan was caught due to the fact the Heart only have about six fans so it was easy to identify him.

Football Federation Australia said they would ‘throw the book’ at this guy.

Unfortunately, this turns out to be a figure of speech and no heavy tomes will be flung in his direction. Sad, really.

Don’t light flares

Nobody salutes football fans’ commitment to marine safety more than me. If only all citizens were so eager to put on public demonstrations about how to properly signal trouble when in an oceanic environment.

Unfortunately, sometimes these spontaneous marine safety demonstrations occur at not exactly ideal times.

Say, after a goal when the people around you are not paying the appropriate attention to some of the finer points on how to signal your distress at sea.

An audience of people jumping around in excitement is never easy to communicate with, unless of course you are Oprah.

To my knowledge Oprah has never lit a flare at an A-League game.

Perhaps waiting for a more appropriate moment might be a good idea, say at a sailing club’s safety day, a ‘survive at sea’ course or when you are actually at sea and your vessel is in very real danger of sinking.

I’m sure football fans would agree that any suggestion that saves lives at sea is welcomed.

Best not to rip up seats

I’m sure some of this is cultural. I’m not sure what culture but somewhere in the world, I’m sure ripping up chairs and throwing them in a pile is a way of showing gratitude (probably somewhere in the southern states of America or Canberra).

In Australia, however ripping up seats tends to be seen as a sign of vandalism and poor behaviour. I know, weird right? Of course football fans know that almost all signifiers are arbitrary and now that this has been pointed out will feel awful.

That’s ok. We all make blunders sometimes when it comes to cross culture interactions. In Australia, you can show gratitude by clapping politely, giving someone an awkward hug or offering to upsize someone’s meal at Maccas.

Avoid throwing things onto the grass

It’s always tempting to share your glass bottles and underwear with the players.

Perhaps you have a particularly nice pair of jocks. I don’t know.

But resist the urge; the players will be remarkably ungrateful.

Don’t surround a restaurant to abuse an opposing fan

Opposing fans can be very irritating. I mean what makes someone choose another team to the one you support? Geography? Family history? More like serial killer tendencies.

Personally, part of me believes they deserve to be harangued by a large mob while trying to enjoy a meal. I don’t even care if a football game is on that day. Are some innocent bystanders going to get caught in the crossfire? Maybe. Mob justice is not a precision instrument.

That said, I don’t believe settling scores through a mob is ever world’s best practice.

FIFA 13 on the PlayStation was invented for a reason, people. That reason was to do away with dueling that tended to kill a lot of people.

You haven’t spent weeks of your life perfecting through balls and skill stick moves to then never put them to use. Next time you see an opposing fan eating a meal before a game just walk up to them and say, ‘How would you like to come over to my place after the game?’

In no way will that be weird.

So there you have it. Some simple tips that can help you avoid making easy mistakes at the next A-League game you attend.