Into every AFL season, some terrible ideas must fall.

This year, there was a lot falling everywhere. Probably something to do with El Nino I imagine. Or is it La Nina? I can never remember.

So here are the worst ideas of the 2014 season.

Zones

AFL Laws of the Game committee member John Worsfold, floated the idea of having ‘zones’ to fix congestion earlier in the year.

He said, “maybe two or three players from each side always have to be in either half of the ground so they can't all cross over and get into one half."

Now, let’s forget that ‘congestion’ isn’t really a thing, it’s just what happens when you have bad teams.

What’s important is that this idea goes against everything that is great about our game.

Luckily, this idea was shot down faster than a friend suggesting to see that new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.

Variable ticketing

Yeah. The worst.

New York Yankees

This year, Melbourne chairman Glen Bartlett decided that since nobody knew who he was, that he should say something.

This is never a good reason for speaking.

What he did say however was that his long-term vision was to transform the Demons into the ‘New York Yankees’ of the AFL.

Yet, Melbourne isn’t even the GWS of the AFL.

Since saying this, Glen has decided to keep quiet, which has been sweet relief for already emotionally scarred Melbourne fans.

Secret mid year trades

The AFLPA announced they wanted players to be able to sign for another club mid-season and in secret.

Now, apart from the fact that players signing new deals mid-season is one of the worst things about the NRL, the idea of being able to do this in secret is bonkers.

And don’t quote the Buddy deal to me that was done by a competent team and a competent manager.

AFL clubs leak more than a local council.

Even if that weren’t true, could you imagine the level of speculation if this was in place? It would make the current level seem like the ‘golden years.’

New York International Rules

Hey, let’s take an idea that nobody here cares about and take it to a place where nobody cares about it and has also never heard of it.

Junket all the way. I will of course be changing my opinion on this, the moment I get invited on said junket.

The Brisbane Lions’ Lion

Not the worst idea on the list, but one that was always going to upset people.

My problem with the idea? Not putting the AFL schedulers in with the lion.

Names on jumpers

We may never know just how long aussie rules has been around, but my guess is it must be at least two thousand years old.

In that whole time, we have never needed names on jumpers.

For most true fans, it was a point of pride that you knew every player’s name just by the number.

For Melbourne fans, it was a tradition to never know anyone’s number, but Ron Barassi’s and Robbie Flower’s.

They also printed the names so small during the trial that you had to press your face against the TV just to make the names out.

This had ‘marketing gimmick to sell more merchandise’ written all over it. But in bigger letters than the names.

Luke Darcy wears gloves on TV

What was he thinking?

The ASADA/AFL Federal Government Secret Deal

Now, regardless of the merits of this arrangement, my major problem with is that it was meant to be a secret.

This was not the way to do a secret deal.

There were too many people involved and there was way too much written down.

People even created whole email trials! Who does email with a secret deal?

And surely the whole Brian Waldron/Storm controversy taught us not to write anything down.

This isn’t all that hard.

I’ve had a secret deal for years and you know why it’s still secret? Because the only other person who knows about it died in a tragic pillow suffocation.

Wait, I’ve said too much.

Hiring a Headhunter

Now, I’m all for people who can create a job that pays well for doing very little, the Royal Family comes to mind.

Yet, the AFL hiring an expensive headhunter to find a new CEO in the office next door to the old one must be one of the silliest things I’ve ever heard.

What happened? Did the headhunter, get called in for a briefing and as they were leaving the meeting, turned around and said ‘found him.’

Port Adelaide Home Jumper Decision

Now, people who know me say I’m a simple man or perhaps it’s ‘simpleton.’ I am a little hard of hearing.

But to me, letting the home team wear its home jumper seems a pretty basic concept.

Luckily, Port Adelaide managed to just scrape home against Richmond or this could have been a bigger deal.

St Kilda announces ‘The Road to 2018’

New President Peter Summers hit the ground running earlier this year, wasting no time getting a CEO first, but instead announcing a ‘strategic framework’ for the club.

It was a wonderful document called ‘The Road to 2018’ with accompanying videos and a lovely logo.

‘The Road to 2018’ vows that St Kilda will win a Premiership by 2020 and will have 50,000 Australian members and another 10,000 in New Zealand.

I seem to remember a wonderful chap by the name of Chris Connolly having a similar approach with his own ‘Red and Blue Print’ for Melbourne.

That has been a winner everyday since it was announced, with the Demons wondering how they can fit any more Premierships into their trophy cabinet.

The entire AFL schedule

There can be no way anyone on the AFL Commission who approved this, actually read it.

The split round got the season off to such a bad start; it was like Mark Webber was involved.

Then we had Monday nights, twilight games and more split rounds.

Despite Eddie’s whinging, it was mad to schedule Collingwood v Carlton on a Sunday night in the depths of winter.

My favourite was a Sunday when only two games were being played, so they scheduled them against each other so you couldn’t watch both.

The AFL said they were ‘testing’ the timeslot.

Kids try to ‘test’ putting forks in power points, adults are meant to stop them.

I’m not the type to carry on or hold a grudge, but there is a special place in hell for the people that did this to us all.