I was aboard the International Space Station that I had personally designed and built, high above the Earth, when I realised I wanted to win an AFL Premiership.

Sure, I’d already single-handedly stopped the club merging with Melbourne, a club I wouldn’t be President of if they begged me and we'd become the biggest club in the world, with more money and members than Manchester United and the Dallas Cowboys combined.

There wasn't a sporting club on the planet that didn't want me to come sort them out.

However, I knew just being an amazing President wasn’t going to get us there. I knew I needed to do more.

I worried that with players like Buddy Franklin, Jarryd Roughead, Cyril Rioli, and Stuart Dew, among others, we would struggle up front.

Within days of landing back on Earth, I was training with the group. I was surprised how quickly I started setting club records on the track.

The 2008 Grand Final was special. I remember I negated Geelong’s attack and my 47 possessions and 8 goals was the key to us winning.

Last year’s Grand Final was obviously a favourite, given I kicked 27 goals from full back. I still can’t believe I did it but I take full credit for that win too.

People often say to me that I was not only the greatest player they'd ever seen but I was also the humblest player then ever seen. They were right too, I've always known that i'm humbler, by a considerable margin, than anyone else.

With hindsight, I’m glad I took the time out from my busy life to play AFL. Hawthorn got a ‘coach on the ground’ with me that covered up the poor decision making by Alastair Clarkson and my performance obviously carried a playing list clogged with no hopers.

What’s next for me you don’t ask? Well I’m currently competing in the Sochi Olympics in numerous events. I can tell you, winning multiple gold medals is a real thrill.

Anyway, got to run. I’m catching up with Putin, a young protégé of mine.

Jeff