This morning was the Essendon/ASADA directions hearing.

Here’s what happened:

• A lot of middle aged white guys talked and talked and talked.
• While banging on for hours, they all made a ridiculous amount of money.
• At no point did someone say ‘you want the truth?’ which was the only reason I was watching.
• It was announced that James Hird will return to Melbourne on July 28. This is the same day in 1914 that Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia leading to WW1.
• I learnt that court is really boring and nothing like My Cousin Vinny or Ally McBeal
• August 11 will be the trial to decide if the joint investigation (now alleged) was illegal. It will take three days, but if you watch live, it will feel like 300 days.
• Lawyers refer to Acts of Parliament a lot. They are obsessed with them.
• There will be another directions hearing on July 2ndbecause a few of the lawyers need to cover third term private school fees.
• No one said ‘objection’ ruining my drinking game.
• I didn’t understand anything that was being said. I could make out some of the individual words, but I would then start to drift off.
• Paul Little sat up the back and you could see him adding up how much money this was costing him as the time ticked by.
• Journalists on social media gave it a really good shot of pretending to understand what was going on. It became obvious they had no idea though.
• The 34 players involved watched the NBA draft instead.
• Lawyers didn’t wear robes or wigs which I thought was a real shame and detracted from the event.
• I didn’t hear the Essendon theme song at the end so I assume they lost.