Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Geelong (107) v Carlton (102)

A terrific game but the result was a massive disappointment for all involved.

For Carlton, it was letting this one get away. For Geelong, it was almost losing to Carlton.

The question is; are Carlton actually a decent team or are Geelong slipping?

So yeah, Geelong is totally slipping.

Hawthorn (123) v West Coast (79)

This game was held in Tasmania, which is an island off the coast of Australia. Just last week, the AFL said a Tasmanian stand-alone team was at least ten years away.

Apparently the AFL is focused on more traditional Australian Rules markets like Western Sydney, Ireland and New Zealand.

Isn't getting back a bunch of injured players nice? Brendon Bolton must certainly think so. Hawthorn looked a lot more like Hawthorn.

A lot of the focus was on Luke Lowden who played his first game in the seniors after six seasons at the club. Six! That’s serious commitment.

I don’t even understand how someone does that. If a website takes more than six seconds to load I’m off somewhere else.

West Coast season is over in terms of finals. That said there’s always a chance of teams being stripped of points, so fingers crossed.

Port Adelaide (129) v St Kilda (59)

Port Adelaide are really fit and can run over teams and Adelaide Oval is really loud. Hire me Channel Seven commentary team!

Alan Richardson must be thrilled he decided to leave the Power and head to St Kilda. Luckily for him they have a strategy that says they’re going to win a Premiership before 2020. Not long now.

Chad Wingard took arguably the mark of the year so far (ok it is) and Port continued to look ridiculously good.

Next Saturday, Port plays Sydney. If anyone tries to invite you to something while that game is on, they are un-Australian and don’t deserve to live here.

Western Bulldogs (87) v Brisbane (95)

So Brendan McCartney must be an amazingly nice guy. It’s the only reason I can imagine the media and fans aren’t going completely nuts.

The Dogs fans have been incredibly patient over the last year or so, especially given McCartney got a two-year contract extension at the end of last year.

Personally, I'm worried McCartney thinks he's rebuilding a VAFA team.

In happy news for Lions supporters, they aren't beyond awful.

In fact, that’s two wins in a row for the Lions, something few would have predicted at the start of the year.

They're also the only team to win overseas. Serious momentum.

Now if they could only sort out their bonkers board.

Greater Western Sydney (66) v Essendon (81)

With the tumbleweeds gently blowing through the stands and a crushing silence from the 'crowd', the Bombers got over the line.

I watched this game (I don't know why either) and still can't remember any of it.

Games like this should not only fail to convert new fans but are also turning off the two AFL fans that live in Western Sydney. This is a bit of a worry, as they both play for the Giants.

Essendon will rue the loss of Jobe Watson for what seems like the rest of the season.

Time to Dank, sorry, tank now boys.

Gold Coast (74) v Sydney (109)

It was always going to be interesting to see who would win this one.

Would it be the Massive Draft Concessions or the Cost of Living Allowance?

Turns out spending enormous amounts of money on a forward line can really pay off.

Take note Melbourne.

Fremantle (90) v Adelaide (50)

I watched this on my phone. Why? Because the AFL, Telstra and Foxtel can't work out a way to watch it on a laptop or desk top.

Is this a first world problem? Of course it is. What do you want me to whinge about? A lack of drinking water? That's absurd. I have glorious flowing water around the clock.

Fremantle are coming good. It's weird how they don't want to peak in the first half of the season.

They're on track to challenge for another Grand Final loss in my opinion.

Adelaide just aren't very good.

The fact Port is travelling so well hurts Crows fans in a way they haven't experienced since the great verjuice shortage of '01.

North Melbourne (116) v Richmond (88)

The Kangaroos did a great job of not losing this one. They flirted with the idea though.

Winning this one is the first sign I've seen that North may be serious about things this year.

Poor Richmond fans. Talk about an abusive relationship.

The Tiges can disappoint you from any scenario. Here they pulled their old three-card trick of offering hope before crushing dreams.

It seems Richmond's strategy of trading away all their best players has surprisingly backfired. Weird.

At least Damian Hardwick got his wish of players playing 'the Richmond Way'.

Melbourne (28) v Collingwood (61)

What a goal fest!

Personally, as a biased Demons supporter I actually liked this game. I remover free scoring games when Neeld was coach. Not exactly fun.

That said, my detailed analysis of the statistics shows Melbourne did not kick enough goals.

I used numerous computers and a slide ruler to figure this out. I'd take you through it but you wouldn't understand the complex algorithm I designed.

The key to the Pies victory was the fact they are better than Melbourne.

They have better players and played better when it counted. How's that for deep insight. You're welcome footy fans!