In an effort to fix his wayward goal kicking, Travis Cloke has turned to sports psychologist Daryl Marchant. Here’s their first session.

Travis Cloke: Thanks for agreeing to help me doc.

Daryl Marchant: That’s OK Travis. Eddie gave me a lot of money and said ‘I hope you like a challenge.’

Cloke: It’s a struggle doc, so many thoughts in my mind all the time.

Marchant: Really?

Cloke: Oh yeah. Do you think it’s something to do with my childhood?

Marchant: Like something traumatic happened that made you a terrible kick for goal?

Cloke: Yeah.

Marchant: I doubt it. Let’s see you have a shot at goal.

Cloke: What do you think?

Marchant: Wow, you really missed. What were you thinking about before you kicked it?

Cloke: I was thinking that time is not linear; it is a circle.

Marchant: Wow, that’s actually pretty deep.

Cloke: Yeah, I’m watching True Detective and they keep talking about it. I’ve no idea what it means, maybe it refers to the shape of a watch?

Marchant: Right. What else do you think about when you’re in a game and you have a high pressure shot.

Cloke: Usually I’m thinking about where to spend all the money I’ve got. Did you know they’ve stopped making Hummers? I’ll probably have to get something else.

Marchant: Maybe you could use a visualisation technique?

Cloke: Like visualising that they haven’t stopped making Hummers?

Marchant: You know what Travis? I’m going to book us in for another twenty or so sessions. Does that sound good to you?

Cloke: Sounds great doc. Excited. Do you want me to tell you the dream I have where I’m in the band Starship and we have to save the planet using only the power of song?

Marchant: Not really.