Alleged ticketing company Ticketek, has offered AFL members an apology after their website went down today following AFL finals tickets going on sale.

The apology, in full below, can be printed off at home for $8.50.

Ticketek would like to apologise for the collapse of our website this morning during the on-sale period for AFL members.

Our website was working completely normally, but then a whole bunch of people suddenly started trying to use this.

This had not been anticipated and more importantly, could not have been anticipated.

Not only did lots of people go onto our site but they started trying to purchase tickets all at once.

Our system is not designed for such an event, especially one that appears to be completely random.

Despite this we reacted swiftly.

Keith, our head of IT called the executive team to tell them that the one computer we have had gone on the blink. Keith sounded very flustered, as he had only just become our head of IT after ten years working in the mailroom.

He yelled at me that he ‘had tried hitting it’ and then told me he was taking stress leave.

As Managing Director, I immediately dispatched our crisis team, which is our Chief Financial Officer’s teenage son because he loves computers.

He took one look at it and said running an entire Ticketek system off a 1986 Amstrad was ‘idiotic madness’ and said he had to even ‘Google what an Amstrad was’ as he left.

After several heroic attempts by me of turning the computer off and on, I was defeated.

While we understand this is frustrating, we do have plans to invest more in our IT infrastructure in upcoming years.

The last few years we have not been able to do this due to a strategy to prioritise executive bonuses.

Despite these minor hiccups, I’m confident that by the end of possibly next decade, Ticketek will be a fully-fledged ticketing company, able to handle events as large as community performance art shows and amateur choir recitals.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Cameron Hoy

Managing Director

Ticketek Australia

Titus has a new live show ‘Manifestly Inadequate’and new dates to announce.

They are his traditional bye round tour wrapping up the 2018 season and previewing the finals.

The dates are:

4 August- Hobart

27 August- Canberra

29 August- Perth

31 August- Sydney

1 September- Melbourne

2 September- Adelaide

5 September- Brisbane

Ticket available here: http://www.frontiercomedy.com/titusoreily

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. I aim to keep as much of my stuff on this site and available to everyone and not behind paywalls.

Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus