May 20, 2024


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: Round Ten


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want an irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.


Gold Coast (164) v Geelong (100)

Less than a month ago, many of us were hoping Geelong would hit the skids, but we didn’t expect it to be this satisfying.

Three losses in a row are never great but losing by 64 points even though you’ve scored 100 makes you feel like you’re playing in the 80s.

It’s hard to know why Geelong have come undone, but if I know Chris Scott, it’s not the Cats fault.

Possible reasons are that the umpires are against them, they weren’t allowed to play this game in Geelong, the recent Victorian and Federal Budgets didn’t shower them in quite as much cash as usual and Pluto is currently in retrograde.

Personally, not enough work has been done on how the various planets being in retrograde effect different teams. Champion Data asleep at the wheel once again.

One of the big lessons I took out of the television coverage is that Darwin is hotter than Geelong in May. I’d always assumed Darwin was a land of ice and snow.

Gold Coast didn’t even know you were allowed to kick 26 goals in one game.

This was a shootout, and the Suns were the kid who turns up with one of those NERF guns that is more sophisticated than the weapons they fought World War Two with.

Is this the long-awaited turnaround for the Suns? Has Damien Hardwick told them that you’re allowed to keep winning beyond the first eight rounds?

It’s exciting times for the Suns.


Sydney (117) v Carlton (65)

Before we get into the game, I may have taken something while watching this, as a small blue whale kept popping up as I watched this.

Please tell me someone else saw it. Or do I need to go talk to someone?

It may be too early to call, but the tune the Blues are playing seems familiar.

Promising improvement and not delivering is their brand, and it’s a brand that is stronger than Nike, Coca-Cola and McDonalds combined.

Add to that brand, Harry McKay missing from the top of the goal square, which is harder to do than kick the goal, so give him some credit.

Carlton started strong, with a four-goal lead, but that was about it as the Swans unleashed 13 of the next 14 goals. 

It was brutal stuff and wasn’t helped by Jacob Weitering going off after a blow to the thigh. If Weitering going off leads to this big a loss, his free agency deal just went up about one thousand per cent.

Sydney looked scary. Two people haven’t caused as much carnage as Chad Warner and Isaac Heeney since Jake and Elwood drove to Chicago.

For the rest of the competition, let’s just hope Carlton are just much worse than we thought. 

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Collingwood (78) v Izak Rankine (74)

Despite the result, this was a great game, but reminded us of the wisdom of John Locke who once said, “Never get into a close match with Collingwood at the MCG.”

It’s always painful to watch a Pies victory but it’s made worse when Jordan De Goey kicks the winner. Like breaking your leg, then falling down a ravine.

The minute this got close, the inevitability of a Pies victory became apparent, but not to Izak Rankine, who did everything in his power to get the Crows across the line.

A brilliant dribble kick from the boundary resulting in a goal was just one of the many spectacular things he did on the day.

Then in the dying moments, he ran down the wing, only for the umpire, who had no sense of theatre, penalising him for running too far.

Even worse, Rankine hurt his hamstring in the process.

One thing was clear, he did run too far.

But the umpire should have factored in the excitement of the moment, and who he was playing and let it pass.

Typically, the umpires helped Collingwood by apply the rules correctly.

It’s a corrupt competition I tell you.

Greater Western Sydney (43) v Western Bulldogs (70)

The Giants have developed an allergy to winning in the past month, a rather dangerous allergy to have in the AFL.

The Orange Tsunami, has become more the Orange Millpond Ripple.

Perhaps most worrying about this loss was it came against the Bulldogs who aren’t sure themselves if they are any good.

The Bulldogs goalkicking was the most interesting park of this game, or to name it properly, point-kicking.

They finished with 8.22, and it made this appear closer than it really was.

Rhylee West led the way with his 1.4.

Even more exciting, the post was hit seven times. I think the record is 11 and that was the one thing that kept me interested in this game.

St Kilda (55) v Fremantle (72)

Neither of these teams have dazzled this season, and the game lived up to that.

The Dockers kept things interesting with inaccuracy up forward.

The most depressing thing for Saints fans is another meh performance in another meh season.

In fact, ‘Meh’ may be their membership slogan this season.

Sometimes I think the secret to being a great coach is to have great players.

Ross Lyon had great players during his first stint at the Saints, and this time he doesn’t.

The Saints could have got this outcome with a much cheaper coach.

Fremantle can head back home secure in the knowledge that if this was a computer game, they would have earned their ‘Better then St Kilda’ badge.

Brisbane (163) v Richmond (44)

I’m not privy to Richmond’s inner workings, but I suspect ‘injuring every player’ wasn’t a target they set during pre-season.

It’s a pity because if they had, they would have achieved something this season.

Not since George Bluth invented The Cornballer back in the seventies has something injured so many people.

Adem Yze knew the Richmond gig was going to require rebuilding the team, but he probably didn’t realise he would also need to build a hospital first.

This wasn’t a contest. The Lions got on top early and if this was a UFC match, it would have been stopped in the first quarter.

Nathan Broad was perhaps the only Tiger who could claim to have contributed when he provided a step ladder for Cal Ah Chee.

Can the Tigers rebuild anytime soon? I’m more worried WorkSafe might shut them down before they get a chance.


Essendon (84) v North Melbourne (52)

Essendon are second on the ladder.

Not the VFL ladder, the AFL ladder.

No, I don’t mean on PlayStation.

In real life.

The Australian Football League Ladder. The one we all care about.

I’m serious. This is not ‘one of my jokes’.

No, I’m not looking at a ladder from the 20th Century.

I mean they are second on the ladder RIGHT NOW. In 2024.

And we’ve played ten rounds.

I HAVE seen their percentage.

Well of course they could blow it from here, but that doesn’t mean it’s not cause for concern.

No, I’m not happy about it either.

Port Adelaide (80) v Hawthorn (79)

Hawthorn have engineered one of the greatest losses in recent memory, overcoming a 41-point lead to snatch a famous defeat in the dying seconds.

In danger of winning, the Hawks dug deep in the final 22 seconds to give up two goals and secure the loss.

It was a remarkable turnaround for a team that found themselves in real trouble in the third quarter, leading by 41 points.

Yet every Hawthorn player dug deep to get their opponent back into the game, and slowly the lead narrowed.

As well as helping their opponents, a slew of Hawks lifted to record no possessions in the fourth quarter, but at times even this seemed like it would not be enough.

Yet the Hawks showed that if you truly want to lose a game, you can, you just have to believe.

West Coast (105) v Melbourne (70)

I was at the Preliminary Final a few years ago, so this isn’t the worst performance I’ve seen by a Demons side at Opus Stadium but it was a nice try.

The worrying thing for Demons fans is the Eagles just outworked them, outmuscled them and out ‘competent at football’ them.

Harley Reid and Jake Waterman have obviously made a big difference to the Eagles, and they ran all over the Dees.

Reid looks too good to be true. I think he was built in a lab like Wolverine or Margarine.

I mean, in your ninth game you shouldn’t be able to brush off All-Australians like their lint.

Then you have Waterman playing up front like a 1980s key forward has time traveled into the present. All we needed was for him to light up a cigarette at three-quarter time and the look would have been complete.

Melbourne meanwhile turned the ball over with a relentlessness that made you wonder if they were trying to do it on purpose.

Much is made of the Dees lacklustre forward line, but the delivery into it is so bad it often makes who is in the forward line irrelevant.

This really had the feel of one team going up while passing another going down.  

Ahh, it was good while it almost lasted.

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May 20, 2024

Not going to lie, the blue whale was an addition to the test pattern that I wasn't expecting.

the g train

May 20, 2024

Agree with everything you said Titus, even about Pluto being in retrograde--except for that Rankine thing. Technically it was more than 15m. But everyone knows it's 15 paces. Harley Reid's goal of the century technically involved multiple infringes of running more than 15m. If Daicos was running towards goal with 20 seconds left on the clock and his team 4 points down, there would be zero chance he gets pinged. It's an impossibility. even taking into account that everything is possible, even the impossible. This scenario is so impossible, that it's more than an impossibility. It actually has a negative probability and if Daicos was pinged, the universe would instantaneously collapse into a mathematical finance model. Which is the last thing we want.

"Yet the Hawks showed that if you truly want to lose a game, you can, you just have to believe". Agree. They also deserve credit for achieving something extremely difficult. Almost impossible, even.

Laurie Brennan

May 20, 2024

Chin up Titus. There'll be better days

Rock Sax

May 20, 2024

The St Kilda Football Club mehmbership drive.

Self Report

May 20, 2024

Re: Essendon, don't worry Titus - in 2012 we were 8-2 after round 10 and sitting 2nd on the ladder, and look how that turned out. If anyone sees David Evans or Andrew Demetriou, the Don's next decade is cooked.

Geoffrey Francis Daly

May 20, 2024

Kudos on the arrested development reference, well played!! 😁


May 20, 2024

I saw the blue whales too, thought that I'd perhaps had a few too many wines & had sat on the remote & it moved to the kiddies channel , but phew!! nice to know others saw it as well. Good win by my Swans boys!!


May 20, 2024

*like they are lint.

Canberra Cynic

May 20, 2024

I loved the Immigrant song reference ... at least I hope it was a reference ....

Vic Parkes

May 20, 2024

Just a reminder folks. Rankine didn’t kick a goal. He dump-kicked into the 50, an almost certain recipe for a Pies shutdown. 15 seconds to go? Almost guaranteed Pies’ win. Business as usual.


May 20, 2024

If the Melbourne players have a sense of humour, please give the nickname Lint to Oliver & Petracca for a week😆

Son of Plugger

May 20, 2024

Hope all well, Titus--you've been missed. Good to have your irrational idiotic hysteria back on a Monday. 

"The Orange Tsunami, has become more the Orange Millpond Ripple". Indeed. The GWS vs WB game eventually quelled the raging tsunami within me. And left me calmly blissed. I now have a more honest and balanced view on life. That nothing really matters, and life is utterly meaningless. Thank you, GWS.

Dear Hawthorn supporters: now you know how StK fans feel every moment of every day.


May 20, 2024

Brilliant as usual Titus. Go Blues.


May 20, 2024

West Coast of 2022 to 2023 is still the gold standard for an injurious workplace. Richmond are trying mighty hard though. If it claims Bolton, Balta and Vlastuin in the next few weeks we'll concede the title and wooden spoon.

Mosis Syndes

May 20, 2024

Let's not kick one of your obs into the Long Grass, O'Reily. Goal posts are a lot thicker in 2024. The Dogs were robbed!!

Fat Side

May 20, 2024

I'm pretty sure I have a half full ( half empty? ) bottle of Orange Millpond Ripple gin at the back of the cupboard - a fruity and floral drop, perfect for pouring over Bluth's frozen bananas.


May 20, 2024

Good to have you back Titus


May 20, 2024

This season, Sydney have shown us the difference between 1st and 2nd on the ladder. Actually, they've shown us the difference between 1st and the next 9 teams below them on the ladder.
And yet ... they've also shown us how close it is between top of the ladder and second bottom. We can only hold onto that hope: If "2024 Richmond" can beat Sydney then surely some other team can.

With 5 teams in the middle of the ladder on 24 premiership points, the fight to be eliminated in the first round of the finals is really hotting up. Also the fight to miss getting into the final 8 on percentage is also at fever pitch; given the second highest percentage in the competition is 11th on the ladder.


May 20, 2024

Would love to hear your opinion on no more Thursday night matches in the fixture. You might have to resort to Thursday late-night shopping for entertainment.

Running Dog

May 20, 2024

I also saw the small blue whale Titus, but I don't think it served any useful porpoise. And Mosis Syndes, Bevo's strength is his capacity to motivate players. Last week the message was to "make every post a winner", so they did. It's not easy to hit the post. Just ask Harry McKay.

Beau from Beaumaris

May 20, 2024

“The Saints could have got this outcome with a much cheaper coach.”
Classic one there, Titus. Maybe even without a coach.


May 20, 2024

Brushed off like lint, is a perceptive observation there Titus one that brought a chuckle or two but the Dees are not done and dusted yet! As for the Weagles competitive yes, consistent not yet, but there are promising signs that winning is something that HR9 has imported from Dark side and jogged the memory of those 9 or so aged 2018 GF as well as infecting the youth who are coming along for the ride. Amazing what a concoction youth plus experience and self belief can do. But one swallow, does not a summer make😜😜Enjoy your musings!

Bob Dobalina

May 20, 2024

Collingwood supporters: You have to pay frees if they're obvious!
Essendon supporters: No you don't.


May 20, 2024

As an Essendon supporter, I know that being 2nd on the ladder is a statistical anomaly, I also know that we haven't beaten any decent side this year. Even if they were in the 8, those we beat tended to lose matches after we played them. The last thing I know... that this is how they suck you in. They raise your expectations, then crush you with a dismal performance against a team nobody expects them to lose to. I know it's coming....

Pupper Mum

May 20, 2024

Probably one of your best Titus ❤

Mad Dog Eagle

May 21, 2024

Brilliant except you left out how good Dusty was at bring his value down so he can fit into the Suns salary cap
To Bombers Fans-
Cause there's one day in September
We want to remember
There isn't any doubting
We'll be in the shouting
Football's such a part of this whole town
Even with the double chance we're going down.

Luke Duncan

May 21, 2024

You better hope that the Swan's don't fall off their perch Titus! The only thing worse than a Swan's Minor Premiership (🤢🤮), would be the long-suffering (me included!!⬛⬛🟥🟥⬛⬛ Carn the mighty Bombers!!😀) Bombers fans and members striding around after 20 years of pain and suffering in the AFL wilderness! (ie. Outside the 8!)

Rod A Cowling

May 21, 2024

Light up a cigarette at 3 quarter time... lol.. absolute classic..
l remember those days..


May 22, 2024

well hello coach goodwin ...
your favoured promos for 'roo' over brodie grundy has cost melbourne dearly ... even the commentators remarked how badly Grundy was treated ... ie "It's an explanation that left veteran AFL columnist Damian Barrett scratching his head."
"I find it demeaning what they're now subjecting Brodie Grundy to," he told Nine's Sunday Footy Show.

Whereas 'roo' may improve his match stats in future compared with Grundie's stats both for the Dees and now for the Swans - are woeful.