May 02, 2022


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Seven


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.


West Coast (56) v Richmond (165)

Oh, dear.

Avert your eyes from all that is unholy! This was blasphemy against the one true religion, Australian Rules Footy.

How a Free-to-Air broadcaster could show this, and in primetime when kids are watching is beyond me.

Watching an actual Tiger maul an Eagle would have been less traumatic and would at least have some educational value.

Do we really need to analyse the game? It seems a waste of everyone’s time.

Richmond’s first 11 goals came from turnovers, that’s all you really need to know.

Some goals didn’t come from turnovers, when you kick 25 goals they tend to come from lots of different sources.

In the end, chairing Tom Lynch off after his 200th game turned out to be the hardest any Tigers had to work all night.

Injuries and covid protocols alone don’t seem to be able to explain the depth of the problems at the Eagles.

West Coast are not only at rock bottom, but they are also aging. More than half their side would be on Geelong’s trade radar.

The Eagles need to improve their youth policy beyond offering face painting before the game.


Geelong (66) v Fremantle (69)

If you want to prove that you’re a genuine premiership threat, beating Geelong on the narrow confines of GMHBA Stadium is a pretty good way.

Doing it without Sean Darcy, Matt Taberner and Nat Fyfe, doesn’t just prove it, it sends a message, like beating up the toughest guy in prison on your first day does.

Hayden Burbank taught me that.

Behind the win was an astounding defensive effort that kept Geelong goalless from the 28-minute mark of the first until the 20th minute of the third quarter.

Many top footy strategists argue you shouldn’t go almost half the game without kicking a goal.

It’s a controversial position but I tend to agree. 

While Freo’s defence was good, it was certainly helped by Geelong moving the ball at a pace that to be called ‘glacial’ would be charitable.

Chris Scott said after the game that losing to Fremantle was “not the end of the world,” which is true, for most of us it was just fun to see.

Perhaps more worryingly is Geelong are not always winning at home, usually the bedrock of every season for them.

Perhaps they could make the ground narrower? There’s plenty of money left in the pork barrel.

Adelaide (54) v Greater Western Sydney (113)

Being the favourite for the first time in about four years didn’t sit comfortably with the Crows.

I can relate. Anytime someone has had any belief in me, I’ve stuffed it up royally.

Luckily for me, that rarely happens, and after this display, being favourite will probably not be happening to the Crows too often either.

Worse still, they played Toby Greene and the Giants into form, so thanks for nothing Adelaide.

The Crows weren’t helped by acting captain Brodie Smith taking a brilliant mark, only to land knock himself out.

It was that sort of day for the Crows.

Adelaide’s midfield made the spluttering Giants midfield look like the Ferrari people used to call them.

Even if they are more of a Ford Focus than a Ferrari these days, that’s all you need to beat Adelaide at home apparently.

Melbourne (91) v Hawthorn (81)

Losing Simon Goodwin and five premiership players is what we in the business call a ‘sub-optimal’ preparation.

And by ‘the business’ I mean ‘stating the bleeding obvious’ or as it’s more commonly known ‘AFL journalism’.

Despite all this, Demons fans were left dealing with the fact that despite these outs, they still had Jack Viney and Jake Lever as ins.

This is a level of depth Melbourne supporters never even dreamed of.

That all said, Hawthorn took it up to the Dees in a way no other side has this year, and a big part of their success is they can run more than Forest Gump.

The Dees were in control most of the game, but the Hawks should be very proud of themselves for trying so hard.

They have a great little footy team down there.

St Kilda (42) v Port Adelaide (43)

This can be described as a ‘gritty’ win, meaning it was so ugly that if it was your child, you’d dress it in a lot of bonnets and hats.

Maybe put a mask on it and say you’re worried about covid.

Both sides spent a lot of the game missing targets, but it was when it came to missing goals, they both shone.

But you never want to get in a goal-kicking inaccuracy duel with St Kilda, they’ll always beat you.

Port’s 5.13 was impressive but not compared to St Kilda’s 4.18.

Max King again showed he can miss standard set shots with the best of them.

Port will be thrilled to get their second win of the year and keep their season limping along.

As for the Saints, selling a home game to Cairns will be questioned, but it’s the fact they avid kicking the ball through the two big sticks like I avoid the gym is their big problem.

Carlton (114) v North Melbourne (64)

Carlton didn’t lose to North, a good sign for Blues supporters that this team is not actively trying to break their hearts.

The Blues were not really challenged by a North side who are not only well below AFL standard but are also undisciplined.

That’s not a great combination. I can understand it’s frustrating playing for North, but it can’t be as frustrating as watching them.

Nick Larkey got in hot water after tunnelling Lewis Young at one point in a truly bizarre moment. It led to a melee that was about as anti-climactic as the game.

It meant there was a bunch of suspensions and fines coming out of this match,

Based on this performance, the Kangaroos shouldn’t be asking for a priority pick, they should be asking for two.

Collingwood (115) v Gold Coast (90)

Jack Ginnivan has in a short time become Collingwood’s most talked-about player.

Backing up his ANZAC Day heroics, Ginnivan booted three goals.

He’s young, has platinum blonde hair and hasn’t been to jail in New York, making him a marketing dream for the Pies.

One goal of his saw him dance around three Suns players, who seemed to dance with him rather than tackle him.

Collingwood have long needed to get their forward line working and on Sunday they did.

It certainly helped they were playing the Gold Coast, who have managed to start 2-5 despite promising a lot more.

Gold Coast hung around all game, but there was a real sense they were just making up the numbers.

Will Gold Coast have a new coach next year? It’s a big decision for Gillon’s replacement.

Western Bulldogs (103) v Essendon (71)

Essendon’s commitment to delivering one of the most disappointing seasons of all time is unwavering, with a 32-point loss against the Western Bulldogs.

The Bombers can get the ball, Zach Merrett and Darcy Parish get it more than most, but they don’t really know what to do with it.

Add to that their complete inability to defend and the surprising thing is they have a win at all.

Considering their poor team defence, it sent a strong message to drop Dylan Shiel this week, so imagine my surprise when he ran on as the medical sub.

I’m not sure Ben Rutten understands how punishments work.

I guess if you don’t play every player who isn’t defending, he’d have to drop about 16 players.

The Bulldogs spent a lot of time enjoying the benefits of Essendon’s sloppy ball handling.

And while they got the four points, it wasn’t exactly a dominating performance, still they’re hanging around which may be enough at this point of the season.

Sydney (89) v Brisbane (113)

Lance Franklin decided in the third quarter to remind everyone that he is one of the game’s greatest players.

After the Lions established a 33-point half-time lead, Franklin activated beast mode and shrunk the Lions lead to 3-points.

He would end with six goals, and there was a ten-minute period where Franklin booted four goals in what was a terrifying performance.

Even worse for the Lions, Joe Daniher had been subbed off with a shoulder injury.

It was at that point that Lachie Neale decided he’d had enough of the Buddy show and dragged the Lions back on top.

His stats show he had 37 disposals, 26 of them contested, 11 clearances, nine tackles and a goal.

What that doesn’t tell you is how he was everywhere when the Lions needed him and where.

A loose ball in the defensive fifty, a goal, a goal-saving tackle. He did it all.

Why this guy could win a Brownlow one day, that’s how good he is.

This was such an entertaining game.

No wonder the AFL buried it in the Sunday twilight slot, why watch this when you can watch the Eagles run around in prime time.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here:




May 02, 2022

I hear that the Cats officials are taking the street signs down in Geelong before the next home ground game.


May 02, 2022

Your patronising sign off on the Hawks is recognised and acknowledged. Well played.
My observation from being at the game is that Melbourne supporters still think they are downtrodden and spend all their time focusing on the umpiring. I had to explain to a couple nearby that you're good enough now that it really doesn't matter, particularly against lesser teams like Hawthorn. You were always going to win. The umpires were never going to affect the result.
Relax. Smell the roses. Enjoy your success. It doesn't last forever - trust me.

The g train

May 02, 2022

A sick and twisted sense of blissful relief when experiencing StK’s miserable and stunning 1 point defeat. Relief knowing that The Titus Effect is well and truly back. In all it’s brutal indifferent magnificent glory.

As a StK supporter, being a devoted follower of Titus is relentlessly challenging. One can be both miserably dead and joyfully alive simultaneously.

A bit like Schrödinger’s cat.


May 02, 2022

_____Port’s 5.13 was impressive but not compared to St Kilda’s 4.18.

Max King again showed he can miss standard set shots with the best of them.____

I keep telling 'em: When you're taking a set shot 20 or 25 metres from goal, straight in front, with no wind, aim for one of the behind posts.


May 02, 2022

G-Train ... I thought Geelong had the market covered on Schrödinger’s menagerie? Although my Tiges are back in Schrödinger’s ladder position again ...

Crispy Ambulance

May 02, 2022

Indeed full moon…. It almost guarantees that Max King will miss his intended target as he constantly rotates the ball in the hands while walking in for a set shot!


May 02, 2022

Your entire WCE v Richmond summary is solid gold (and true).


May 02, 2022

@Richard my observation from being at the game was that it was the Hawthorn supporters who thought that they were being dudded and spent all their time focusing on the umpiring. And your comment of a "patronising" sign off by the great oracle Titus is matched by your genuinely patronising behaviour in having "to explain to a couple nearby that you're good enough now that it really doesn't matter, particularly against lesser teams". I hope they appreciated your superior knowledge and insight into the game.


May 02, 2022

“the Hawks should be very proud of themselves for trying so hard”!🤣
A little condescending but hey, it’s Hawthorn, love it. 👏👏🤣

Xi Jin Ping

May 02, 2022

you've fallen for the media hype/nonsense about the Covid hit Dees, missing huge stars such as Harrison Petty and Tom Sparrow. A glance at the AFL lists and you might have noticed, given none of the other lazy football journalists did, Hawthorn had no less than EIGHT of their best 22 missing on Saturday, including their Captain, their only player who will be AA this year, and their only decent key forward.


May 02, 2022

As a West Coast supporter I came into the season with the bar set pretty low regarding my expectations. No matter how much I lower it each round, the team still seams to limbo under it.


May 02, 2022


FFS. Must proof-read.

North Qld's only Freo fan

May 02, 2022

After being subjected to the misery of Power v Saints in Cairns, it was nice to bump into the only Geelong supporter in Nth Qld...

Phil Christensen

May 02, 2022

Depressendon ready for upcoming Friday and Saturday nite prime time. Talk about kick us when down.

Mike Bright

May 02, 2022

Finally, the Dogs find a win despite Titus backing them! Your sir are a tipping curse. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Darren Elias

May 02, 2022

'They have a great little footy team down there.' Very nice dart there, sir and most well aimed.


May 02, 2022

G-RANT MAY 02, 2022
FFS. Must proof-read.

Why, Titus never does; it's de rigueur on this page.


May 02, 2022

Where to start? I have a Ford Focus and let me tell you it’s a great little car. All the bells and whistles that come with the elites but a fraction of the price. A bit like Neale Bullen and Charlie Spargo! Oh and TommSparrow and Harry Petty are already stars. so! Go Dees.

Bombers 2050

May 02, 2022

Looking forward to bombers - west coast game this year. Still not sure who will win.


May 02, 2022

All throughout the 2013-15 Three-peat you never used the words “They have a great little footy team down there.”
Thankyou, finally

saint peter

May 02, 2022

Titus, not sure how you come to the conclusion with your conspiracy theory that the Giants are being managed by the AFL. They are completely independent, they have their own President, Board, Coach & Players. They can appoint anyone they like as long as the AFL's preferred candidate gets the job.

Beau from Beaumaris

May 02, 2022

Titus: you say “Will Gold Coast have a new coach next year? It’s a big decision for Gillon’s replacement.”
Maybe Gillon should be forced to coach them for a season or two? Then send them all to Tassie.


May 02, 2022

_____Looking forward to bombers - west coast game this year. Still not sure who will win._____

They might both lose.

Tarax Club

May 02, 2022

Hear Hear Hawthorn! So pleased you're actually sufficiently relevant to be simultaneously patronizing and condescending. Any horticulturist would be aware to grow sweet smelling roses requires copious amounts of manure. Which is not in short supply down old Glenferrie.

Sheldon Wiebe

May 02, 2022

I find amusing (in a cringey sort of way) that everyone trumpets how the Dees had five key players out but don't mention that they also had three premiership players come back into the lineup, while the Hawks also had five key players missing - including skipper (and #2 ruck) Big Boy (who always gives Big Maxey a tussle) and #1 ruck, Ned Reeves (who was dominating before dislocating his shoulder).

Still, even down more significantly, talent-wise, than the Dees, you're absolutely right that the Hawks gave the Dees their best test so far this season. Makes me wonder how different the game would've (NOT would of) been if both sides were completely healthy. Probably not much different, but it's good to have dreams (daydreams, at least).


May 02, 2022

To amuse myself, I have done an analysis of Titus' tips (which cost me $1 a week on a multi). Close in Rd 6 (8/9 but not paying much). To sum up, his tips are running at an average of 6.0, which is exactly the same as my other method of picking the home teams. The only consistent factor in The Tips of Titus is that he is 7 for 7 picking the Dees. The Crows have been costly in his tipping (4 wrong).


May 02, 2022

Oops, got the home team sums wrong. Way behind The Tips of Titus with that method.


May 03, 2022

The AFL scheduling West Coast v Richmond on a Friday this year is just them showing that they are paying attention to form and scheduling accordingly (Based on the latest data from 2018).


May 03, 2022

BIG FELLA i read and accept your comments on the sparrows V tiges game,The sparrows have hit rock bottom but have now STARTED TO DIG, being a dees member it has been a very long time since we could even dream of sledging other teams in this fashion BUT SHIT IT FEELS GOOD, Bring on the saints GO DEES


May 03, 2022

Stoney33 wrote "it has been a very long time since we could even dream of sledging other teams in this fashion BUT SHIT IT FEELS GOOD ... GO DEES." I am happy to agree.

I was playing bridge last night and sporting a "Vote Climate" badge that drew some adverse comment from a few bridge players. One of them, let's call her Bella, because that's her name, tried to take me on about it. It's not that pleasant and my badge makes its point well enough with little input from me, but she kept going. We've talked footy a few times and she knows I'm a Demon. I suddenly remembered her team and asked her about the Eagles. Talk about a happy ending!

Con Cushion

May 04, 2022

Turn it up Titus ... the Geelong forward line were asked specifically not to kick the ball onto the building site on Saturday. Blake, the usual hard-hatted retriever had a wedding. So less of the miserly Freo backline me thinks! Con.