Stephen Dank and Sam Newman were spotted this week by the Herald Sun having lunch in Chapel Street. Here’s what was said:

Dank: Sam!

Newman: Stephen!

Dank: Good to see you mate. You’re looking ageless.

Newman: How are you with those awful people at ASADA after you?

Dank: It’s stressful Sammy. It’s like you can’t just go around injecting other people any more.

Newman: It’s outrageous! I like having people inject me with things.

Dank: There’s some Mexican stuff you should try Sammy. It makes you look a lot younger but a bit weird.

Newman: I’m interested but I don’t want anyone to know I’ve had some work.

Dank: Oh of course. You have to stay looking natural.

Newman: Stephan, We’re very keen to get you to come on the Footy Show.

Dank: Really? Me? I’m not sure Sam. I’ve got this weird compulsion to continually put my self in the public eye even though it usually results in me looking stupid.

Newman: That sounds awful. I can’t imagine what that would be like.

Dank: It’s the bloody media Sam. They just hound you.

Newman: Oh hang on a sec, it’s the Herald Sun.

Dank: Took them a while to find us. I left pretty clear instructions.

Newman: Next time, we’ll have to do it in the café in their building.

Herald Sun: Hi guys, any chance of a few words?

Newman: Absolutely not! I will not comment on the possibility of Stephen Dank being on the formerly high rating, The Footy Show.

Herald Sun: Oh, ok. Well, could you comment on the AFL charging Essendon and their staff?

Dank: No comment mate. Sam and I are just old friends. Now for the photo, I thought you could stand across the street and shoot us through the window to make it look more interesting than it actually is.

Herald Sun: Are you sure? I could get one here in the restaurant.

Newman: No, do it from outside, I’ll look focused and worried. It’s really the only look my face can do these days.

Dank: See Sammy, bloody media. Like that bloody Caroline Wilson. I mean a journalist asking questions and also being a woman! It’s not right.

Newman: Oh don’t get me started on her. Just because I humiliated her on TV by dressing up a mannequin in lingerie with her face on it she gets angry.

Dank: It was subtle, clever satire Sammy!

Newman: The world’s out to get white middle-age men like us Stephen.

Dank: You couldn’t be more right. What have I done except inject lots of people with countless substances that they didn’t really understand the effects of?

Newman: It’s a witch-hunt pure and simple.

Dank: I’ve even offered to help James Hird clear his name.

Newman: What did he say?

Dank: Well I did it through the media and weirdly he hasn’t rung.

Newman: That’s strange. I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t want you helping him out.

Dank: Especially after all I’ve done for him.

Newman: Exactly.

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