Dear Carlton

We haven’t always seen eye to eye.

If I’m being honest, I’ve always resented your success, your many illegally purchased Premierships and your commitment to the environment.

You’ve probably resented the fact I have the best theme song in the AFL, possibly the world.

Either way, in the last few weeks you’ve done me a real solid.

Here am I, playing some truly awful football, just horrendous stuff and no one is saying much at all.

It’s all thanks to you. You’ve been awful too but importantly, just that bit more awful than us.

You’ve also got Uncle Mick, just pouring fuel on the fire.

Who could ever have guessed that abusing the media constantly, would make them all turn on you so brutally the moment you stumble?

Don’t get me wrong; this is a note of thanks, not a gloating letter. We are terrible too.

We lost to Melbourne in a pre season game and got poleaxed by Collingwood last week. We even lost to the Bulldogs! Can you imagine? Of course you could. You probably will next week.

Our CEO also wants to be CEO of the AFL, so he’s a little focused elsewhere and we’ve also got a bikie infestation.

The worst thing for us is that at the start of the season, you were about the only ones who thought you’d make the eight.

For me, everyone thought we would. Now look at me.

So thank you Carlton, you’ve been amazing. All I can say is please, please keep it up.

Yours truly,

The Richmond Football Club