To celebrate this weekend’s ‘Retro Round’ here are some fact from footy’s glorious past that most people have forgotten.

• A pie at the footy in the 80s cost 60 cents. Asking for sushi would get you a blank stare. Asking for a salad would end in a fight
• Footy commentators would sometimes say racist or sexist things. This of course could never happen today and would be instantly career ending
• Watching footy at a suburban ground would often result in fans contracting trench foot and/or lock jaw. It was all in good fun though
• A ‘concussion test’ meant an opponent would whack you in the head again to see if you’d get back up
• Fans would often abuse indigenous players, often with racist slurs or booing. Unthinkable in our more enlightened age
• Once the entire 1936 Carlton team sunk in the mud in the centre, never to be seen again
• Serving ‘mid-strength’ beer would have resulted in the grandstand being burnt to the ground
• Smoking was limited to the quarter and three quarter time huddles in 1927 after numerous eye injuries when attempting to tackle a player with a lit cigarette
• A ‘pressure act’ was standing on an opponent’s head while he was lying in the mud
• Footy boots once weighed 30 kilos and resulted in most players staying in their positions for most of the games
• Drug testing was once used to ensure players had actually taken their drugs
• A ‘salary cap’ was where the players’ salaries were kept during the game. It was usually worn by a local gangster to ensure no one stole it
• A ‘hard ball get’ was when a player kicked the ball onto the road and someone had to go get it with their stops on

Titus O’Reily is doing a live show 2nd September at Yarraville Laughs. Tickets on sale now at http://www.yarravillelaughs.com/gig/titus-oreily