The AFL Grand Final was heartbreaking for Hawks fans. I’ve got quite a few Hawthorn friends (poor screening) and after the game they were in shock.

Being a Demons supporter I was secure in the knowledge I wouldn’t have to go through what they were going through any time soon. Possibly never again.

I’m writing this ahead of the NRL Grand Final because if Melbourne loses I won’t be in the right frame of mind to write a column. I will be curled up in the fetal position, constantly sobbing. I call this my post-first date position.

If the Storm wins, I’ll watch the game over and over while constantly reenacting the key plays in the living room. This will not be fun for everyone else. I will probably then bang out a column that will also be fun for me yet nobody else.

The strange thing about watching a close friend’s team lose a Grand Final is that it’s never as satisfying as you think.

Schadenfreude, the pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others, is all well and good but it’s a bit too German for my liking.

Australians usually love to give it to each other, especially their mates; it’s pretty much our national pastime, like baseball to Americans and being always drunk to Russians.

Yet when it comes to a Grand Final loss, it’s not the same. The decent nature in us kicks in.

We sense that for once, this is something that matters.

This isn’t like when a friend gets dumped after a long-term relationship or is fired from their job. This is serious. A Grand Final loss is going to linger.

You see, you can get another job and you’ll get over your ex in a few years. Losing a Grand Final however is as permanent as that Gangnam Style neck tattoo I just had done (it’s not a fad).

When the final siren went on Saturday, there was a lot of cheering. Many people felt Hawthorn were arrogant and even in Melbourne there was a lot of support for the Swans.

Then a strange thing happened. The calls made to Hawthorn friends to revel in their misery turned into counselling sessions. Long counselling sessions with a lot of suggestions to get down off the ledge.

On social media it was a bit different. I noticed more ‘Hawthorn Choked’ or similar comments. It seems it’s fun to rub it in when you don’t know someone but far less if it’s a close friend or partner.

A Collingwood friend went across town to get a Hawthorn friend. They said to me as they headed off, ‘They shouldn’t be alone at the moment.’ I suggested they shouldn’t be allowed near sharp objects.

When I said, it was very kind to do this, they revealed the Hawthorn friend had done the same for them after last year’s Grand Final loss.

This would not happen after a regular season game. They joy of lording it over a friend is a given during the season.

As a Melbourne supporter I know all about losing Grand Finals. I have no experience with winning them.

At the time of the massacre in 1988, at the hand of the Hawks, I was too young to really comprehend it. I thought we might win it next year (dumb, naive little bastard).

In 2000, though I knew better. Melbourne showed up long enough to successfully run through their own banner but that was the only thing they executed all day.

It hurt.

It still hurts.

Twelve years on and the wound is a fresh as that one day in September. I mean, it’s not like I cry myself to sleep about it every night (sometimes I don’t manage to fall asleep).

Watching the Storm getting belted by Manly had a similar impact. Especially considering the fact I was used to us having the best team money could buy.

A Grand Final loss leaves you feeling hollow. You go over and over the missed opportunities. This goes on for weeks.

The best things you can do to help a friend recover is to ply them with alcohol and never mention the game.

Some may say this is not the way to help with trauma but I’m a short-term solution kind of guy. Pushing emotions deep down into ourselves and never talking about them is what gives people inner toughness and a distracting facial tick.

So be nice to your friends after a Grand Final loss. Show a little mercy. Except to that guy who was awful to you after your team lost one. He’s fair game till the end of time.