The following quiz was given to every candidate for the position of Essendon CEO.

It was multiple choice to reflect the quality of candidates.

Will you ‘Stand By Hird’?

a) Yes

b) Yes, yes, yes!

c) Hell Yeah

d) I can’t say yes any more strongly than I already have

e) You’re scaring me now

How close will you ‘Stand by Hird’?

a) Really close

b) Within earshot

c) Close enough without it getting awkward

d) Spooning close

Do you believe Essendon have done anything wrong?

a) No

b) It’s been a conspiracy by the AFL

c) It’s been a conspiracy by all the other clubs

d) It’s all a conspiracy by Caroline Wilson

e) All of the above

Who is your favourite AFL journalist?

a) Mark Robinson

b) No really, it is

What do you think is the biggest challenge facing Essendon?

a) Repairing the relationship with the AFL

b) Addressing the financial position of the club

c) The ongoing ASADA investigation

d) Sneaking James Hird into meetings

e) Caroline Wilson

Should James Hird be allowed to return to the club?

a) Yes

b) Probably

c) Whatever Paul Little thinks

What is ASADA?

a) A mildly incompetent government agency

b) The slowest force known to physics’ standard model

c) A force for evil

d) Part of the international conspiracy to destroy this great club

What is the role of Paul Little?

a) Chairman

b) Whatever he wants it to be

c) Saviour of this club

d) Conjurer of deals so ridiculous it’s amazing he pulls them off

e) Staying several steps ahead of Andrew Demetriou