Monday 3 September

Finally, the finals are here. I love finals. The pressure is like a vice that destroys weakness. As I look into the eyes of my players, it’s this weakness I’m looking for. They can’t hide it. Nathan sees all.

We play Hawthorn this Friday. I hate Hawthorn. Not so much the team but the suburb. On a visit to Melbourne in my youth, I was denied entry to Casey’s nightclub.

It was ‘toss the boss’ night where you order your drinks and then toss a coin with the bartender. You call heads or tails and if you win, you get the drinks free but if you lose you pay full price.

But I couldn’t get in. Something about the fact I was wearing shorts and thongs. Nathan would have been great at that game. Nobody stops Nathan from competing.

Tuesday 4 September

Stayed up last night watching Hawthorn’s games for the season. Tania came down at about 3am to tell me to turn the ‘bloody sound down’. I tried to explain there was little point in having a surround system if we didn’t use it.

She just stared at me til I turned it down. So that’s what it feels like to be intimidated.

Wednesday 5 September

I’m not that confident about Friday night. I told the media I was but they are a group of people who make a living out of talking and writing about what others do. They would last two minutes in the pressure vice that is finals.

I remember my time in the media solely for the massive amount of money given me for doing very little and the surprising amount of make up worn by former footballers. It’s just not right.

Give me the taste of blood and standing victorious over your broken opponent any day of the week.

Thursday 6 September

Thursdays being a pointless, pre-Friday day meant I had a lot of nervous energy. Burnt some of it off by participating in training but had to stop when it became apparent I was better than any of the players.

Rocket pulled me aside and said I was destroying the confidence of a few of the guys. This does not bode well for Friday.

Got asked today about how I felt about Malthouse apparently coaching Carlton next year. Why would I care? What’s all this focus on feelings? The only two feelings I have are love for my family and winning. Both feel very similar. You understand that diary, don’t you?

Friday 7 September

We just lost. The fact I suspected this might happen is cold comfort. Losing a finals game is the worst thing that can happen to a person. Nothing else is close.

I don’t feel like writing tonight. For once, my diary provides no solace.

Saturday 8 September

Slept in till 5:30am. Got up and went for a 20 km run. Feeling low.

At breakfast I mentioned to Tania how the umpires were against us last night.

She said that sounded a lot like an excuse and that excuses where one thing we didn’t do in the Buckley household. Tania said I needed to focus on next week and stop feeling sorry for myself.

Then Tania gave me a pep talk about valour, intensity and ‘the total destruction of one’s opponent’.

I was so pumped I ran to the Lexus Centre to oversee the recovery session.

Nathan can’t wait for next week because Nathan does one thing, win.