Listening to David King on the weekend, I realised he is perfecting what all commentators are currently trying to do, be completely unintelligible through jargon.
Of course, David isn't there yet, I could still make out some of the individual words he was saying and even relate them back to the game I was watching but only just.
The 'War Room' segment is probably the closest an AFL segment has got to be completely unintelligible , which is a fair race to lead.
David isn't the only one though, he's just the first to specialise in it.
Jargon of course, is how people who don’t quite know what they are doing, make other dumb people think they are smart.
Management consultants have turned this into a multi-billion dollar trick.
It builds a wall around any topic to prevent others entering that industry, keeping it a cosy little ivory tower for a select few.
In terms of a sport like the AFL that is trying to grow into new areas, it is pure folly.
Do we want the game to be inaccessible to new fans or the casual fan?
On top of the confusion for new fans, the language is also just terrible. It contains no poetry and has no ability to convey what’s happening on the field.
It is like a weed, choking all the life and beauty of the game.
Take for instance the frequent use of the term ‘tackle pressure’. This turns something that is exciting to watch, into some meaningless stat category.
Sport is more like art in this regard than business. It can’t be broken down to statistics without losing its essence.
Don’t get me started on ‘handball release’ and ‘chaos ball’. Just nonsense-on-top-of-nonsense and they are irritating in their repetition.
Trying to analyse the game in a more interesting way and with the use of better stats is fine but making the game inaccessible and boring results in one thing, ‘listening pressure.’
Some suggested new jargon to really ruin the game:
Corridor- Central Geographical Travel Zone
Hardball Get- Successful Difficult Securitisation process
Modern footballer- Post-modern AFL Athlete
Kick- Non-hand ball transference
Mark – Freeze game catch
Chaos Ball- Chaos Ball
Handball- Teammate connector ball migration
COMMENTS
richard
Jun 18, 2014
it's the selfish pursuit of soundbites and signature catchphrases that vex me. huddo and his "strike" instead of kick. sandy and his "ball game". dwayne-o and his "oh baby". bruce and den's scoregasms. everything that comes out of bt's mouth. saw an "effort-o-meter" the other day, for fck's sake.
Titus O'Reily
Jun 18, 2014
Hadn't seen the effort-o-meter. That is surely a sign of the apocalypse.
Daniel
Jun 19, 2014
Does anyone know why it is called the "war room"? It seems they do video analysis of tactics and discuss obscure things about the game. What has this got to do with war?
Elite kick; back half; got a leg on him; scoreboard impact; scoreboard pressure; zonal pressure; role player.
Tom Harley uses these nonsense terms like confetti in an attempt to make his observations seem more scientific or based on what clubs do. I'm sure he occasionally has something worthwhile to add but I don't ever notice it because I'm too pissed off to understand his "brand" of "elite" expertise.
My City Melbourne
Jun 19, 2014
At our house we use to drink every time David King said "workrate". Unfortunately we all developed serious alcohol problems as a result.
Mal
Jun 19, 2014
Let’s not forget the identification of ‘elite gut runners’.
Also: “But it was really important we didn’t over excite on the arousal curve” – Ross Lyon
Finely Ground-balls
Jun 19, 2014
It's a sad day indeed when Bruce's tired old schtick of stating the obvious followed by 'do ya reckon?' and dribbling out an eternal supply of cliches is the preferred commentary.
Brian Taylor is one of those people who tangibly bring down the conversation for an entire room of people; "I have no idea what I'm talking about but I still think I should be the center of attention. Wa ho! You've got a funny haircut!".
Maybe we need to start match reports on commentary? Can champion data start collecting verbal clangers?
Dave
Jun 19, 2014
Bruce started this years ago....players don't kick, they 'load up'!! What on earth does that even mean??
If you took that, and 'arches the back' out of his repertoire there would be little left
Trog
Jun 20, 2014
When the jokester blog is more intelligent then the media who are supposed to explain the game you know you have a problem.
I live in Canada where 2 games a week are played on the sports channels and I cringe at the thought of innocent bewildered Canucks on their first exposure to Brian Taylor. Wow-EE!
(Although it must be said that Canada has Don Cherry. Think Rex Hunt in fancy suits.)
John Boulton
Jun 20, 2014
Talking of meters, there is of course the bore 'o' meter or borometer.
Mark Taylor registers off the scale in cricket I possibly don't watch enough AFL to make judgements I might be able to help out in the NRL if needs should ever dictate
JB
Len
Jun 21, 2014
We minions have to get with the program now that the AFL is an Industry with resources (players), the executive (officials), a means of production (an inflated of pig skin), production lines (the corridor), inputs (talls, smalls, outside / inside / run with players ... ) so expressions like work rate are entirely appropriate along with BT's favourite Calder Cannon / Geelong Falcons / (insert TAC Cup team here) Footy Factory. Somewhere in all that there must be some contribution to GDP but my head's hurting too much to work that out right now.
Chris
Jun 22, 2014
I don't ever notice anything worthwhile from Tom Harley because I'm so put off by the fact that even though his eyes are looking at me, his nose is pointed nextdoor
Chris
Jun 22, 2014
love don's work! But he's no Pierre McGuire
Bill Boyer from Narrawong
Jun 30, 2014
When did we start having shots 'on' goal, surely you have a shot at goal.
Bruce has to go, sounds like he is introducing Mardi Gras floats most of the time, and 'that step' what in the bloody hell is 'that step'.
Oh for the days of having a back line, a forward line, centre wingers, rovers and ruck rovers, most kids today don't even know what these positions mean!!