Dear Diary

My heart is breaking right now. Well actually it’s not; that would be an indulgence I would never allow. Nathan does not break.

I am however, experiencing one of those days that happens to me once in every three or so years during which I am less than completely 100% pumped.

The reason is that the game I love is in trouble. Drugs are threatening to tear football apart and it’s all the fault of weakness.

All my life I’ve never understood the appeal of drugs, legal or illegal. Someone once asked me what I took when I got a headache.

I said, ‘Why would I allow myself to get a headache?’

Recently, it was revealed several Collingwood players self-confessed for taking recreational drugs.

Diary, you know how worried I’ve been about players getting tattoos, but drugs?

Why would you want to take them?

I’ve seen The Wire and Degrassi Junior High (the original of course). Surely, the bleak picture these two shows paint would make anyone turn away from drugs.

The only high I’m interested in is that of winning. Being amazed by lasers and awful music pales in comparison to the feeling you get when you stand above your opponent, their soul destroyed, your arms raised in victory.

The news coming out of Essendon is even worse. I understand the desire to win at all costs. Ask my kids how I react after losing a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

But I don’t understand how people can take performance-enhancing drugs.

Literally, I don’t understand.

As a baby they tried to immunise me but the needle just kept breaking on my skin. They thought it was a problem with the needle, so they got one of those big needles they use on horses.

After that broke, the nurses and doctor considered trying to force a pill down my throat but they stopped as I stared them down with my piercing, three month old eyes.

What baffles me is that players allowed themselves to be taken to a secret location. Good luck trying to get me to go to a secret location.

The only ‘secret place’ I’ve ever wanted to go is ‘My Secret Valley’ and I can’t remember them ever shooting up in that show.

The minute someone says, ‘Hey I want to take you off to a secret location to inject you with something,’ you’re going to have a few questions.

Diary, the longer I spend on this Earth, the more I come to question the weakness around me. Even, it appears, at my own beloved Collingwood.

The only thing that comforts me is that others share my love of the greatest sport on Earth.

Only the true fans of the game keep me going – my broad, muscular, drug-free shoulders carrying the weight of the world.

Thanks diary.