Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Carlton (76) v Geelong (82)

After cleverly ensuring most of their tanking occurred at the start of the season, the Blues managed to drop this one to make sure no awkward hiccups, like finals, occur.

Of course, they needed some help from the umpires to lose this one and in a minor embarrassment, an umpire accidentally awarded Joel Selwood a free kick during halftime.

The AFL have since said that while the umpire shouldn’t have awarded it at the time, the free was there.

Apparently, Geelong win the close ones and lucky for watching at home, we were told this every six seconds or so for the entire fourth quarter.

Were Geelong impressive here? No, but don’t be fooled, they’re totally good enough to get knocked out in a Preliminary Final.

Sydney (127) v St Kilda (56)

I don’t want to boast, but I actually tipped the Swans here. I’m a risk taker deep down I guess.

This wasn’t the least competitive game of the round, but only because some others were ‘world’s best practice,’ as awful management types would say.

The Swans just did as they pleased, in Lance Franklin’s 200th game and Buddy kicked nine in an impressive display.

It was soured somewhat by Josh Kennedy going off with a hamstring, which surely means Nat Fyfe should win the Brownlow, in my expert opinion.

The only highlight of St Kilda’s performance was the commentators trying to come up with strategies for how the Saints could get back in the game.

Were they good suggestions? Of course not.

Saying ‘they should take the game on more’ or suggesting moving one player onto another opponent, isn’t going to cut it when a side is being obliterated.

St Kilda could have had any strategy in the world and they would have lost to Sydney.

If I was a commentator, I’d of thought more outside the box.

"They should ride in on dragons after halftime and lay waste to the SCG with their unholy flame."

Call me Fox Footy, weirdly, I'm free every single weekend.

Gold Coast (47) v Port Adelaide (56)

To think these sides could have both played finals. This was heaven to watch if you like clangers.

The skill level outside of the top few sides is very poor of late.

Who knew that having 400-odd teams in the comp would dilute the skill level a tad? Not the AFL Commission, that’s who.

It’s easy to sit back on the couch and say no Gary, no Gold Coast, because it’s true and it’s really comfy on the couch.

Gold Coast is like the kid on schoolies who went really hard the first few nights, but who now barely makes it out of the apartment.

I should hasten to add, this schoolies analogy is not based on any recent experience. I stopped going to schoolies when I hit fifty.

Port Adelaide struggled to put the Suns away all day and appear to not have regained their form from earlier in the season.

Ken Hinkley said the rainy conditions made it tough all day to score. These Adelaide coaches really dislike Queensland weather don’t they?

Essendon (77) v West Coast (74)

Everyone’s second team, Essendon continued their charge to the finals, causing the AFL to consider cancelling the whole 2014 season.

Jobe Watson returned and the Bombers managed to overrun an Eagles outfit that was up by 34 points at one point.

Even more impressive for the Bombers, was the fact Jake Carlisle and young sensation Dustin Fletcher were out with injury.

Essendon are now in the rare position to be able to win the double, a Premiership and a Federal Court case.

For the Eagles, this was a very Eagle-y performance.

A microcosm of their season, they were up, they were down and in the end it was all over.

The Eagles need a midfield like Gary Ablett Snr needs a new flatmate.

Collingwood (56) v Brisbane (123)

With their chance to play finals on the line, the Magpies players showed they'd already found a terrific little place in Thailand on Airbnb, that's free all September.

To be fair, which I always am, the Pies had so many injuries that I'd be checking if Dean 'The Weapon' Robinson was working for them.

Of course, the highlight for Collingwood was Eddie's impromptu 'fan forum' he held from the players race with an angry Pies fan. It went for fifteen minutes, which is the shortest Eddie has ever spoken about Collingwood.

It ended with Eddie and the angry fan hugging. I'm told Eddie had his suit burned immediately afterward.

So successful was the forum, that Eddie said he may hold another one this week.

Getting every Collingwood member in the one place, though, surely violates the 'must not associate with' condition in thousands of paroles though.

For Brisbane, this must be the 'World of Pain' Matthew Lloyd referred to early in the season.

While the Lions currently lack a lot of polish, their coach seems to have them going in the right direction in terms of effort and Tom Rockliff, Dayne Zorko and Pearce Hanley can be truly scary.

There's some hope in Brisbane. If only someone could do something about that weather for the Adelaide coaches.

Adelaide (69) v Richmond (79)

Last week, I pointed out that while ninth jokes about Richmond are a little tired, they make you do it.

Turns out I was a week early, because there are Richmond at the end of round 21, ninth on the ladder.

That said, it’s heartening to see Richmond pull their season together, especially as I feel briefly positive about Tigers fans, after a group of them shouted me a beer the other night.

See how easy I am to bribe?

Of course, having Deledio fit makes a difference and I would argue he’s the Tigers best and most important player, ahead of Cotchin.

The Tigers are showing that by not behaving like Richmond and sacking Hardwick earlier in the season, good things can happen.

After playing in furnace-like conditions last week, this was always going to be a difficult one for the Crows. I also heard a rumour that they had to travel in a plane at some point.

This was a result, you’d expect from the middle-of-the-road Crows. They’ve lost at home regularly this year and it makes me wonder why they call it the ‘Portress.’

North Melbourne (111) v Western Bulldogs (61)

There goes North again, using game theory to ruin your tips again.

Admit it, if you were trying to make up ground, you would have tipped North to stuff this one up.

Credit to the Kangaroos, they get slammed for losing the games they shouldn’t, so they deserve some acknowledgement when they take care of business. See, I told you I was fair.

It must be nice for Roos supporters to get through a week without any roof jokes. Surely we must have exhausted those? No? Carry on then.

The Bulldogs have shown some signs of improvement this year, but look like a young side at the end of a long season.

Marcus Bontempelli continued his excellent form of being mentioned as the likely Rising Star winner, every five minutes.

Melbourne (34) v Greater Western Sydney (98)

Paul Roos said this was a step backwards, but is that even possible?

This was bruise free football from the Dees.

Roos said it looked like his players have 'put the cue in the rack.'

I personally doubt they have that level of coordination to manage that.

The players can say whatever they like, but except for a few notable exceptions (hello Nathan Jones), the majority of them just gave up and gave up easily.

So many of these players do not deserve to be in the AFL and I’m pretty sure Roos will be willing to accommodate them.

A lot is being made of the coach’s playing style, but that’s all just nonsense, this list needs a major turnover and Roos can’t be judge based on the enormous mess he has inherited.

People often forget how long it takes to get over a serious case of Cameron Schwab.

As for GWS, a great victory was overshadowed by truly horrendous news. Jonathon Patton has injured his ACL again and will be heading for surgery. I hope he recovers well and makes a big comeback.

This was the first win at the MCG for the Giants and while it was against Melbourne, it’s still worth acknowledging.

The Giants have been patchy all year but the talent is there.

They’re still a couple of years away from being consistent, but make no mistake, one day they could be the most popular AFL team in pockets of Western Sydney.

Fremantle (110) v Hawthorn (91)

I watched a replay of this after the Demons/Giants game and it was like watching a different sport. An entertaining, skillful sport.

The Dockers seem to be doing this ‘peak at the right time of year’ thing.

This game was a great taste of the finals and on the big stage Matthew Pavlich booted five.

I reckon he’s arrived as a player, just quietly.

Freo looked good and as I haven’t said all along, they could totally win the Premiership this year.

The Hawks didn’t seem their normal selves and this week’s game against the Cats now has big (should I say ‘massive’? That seems the done thing) ramifications for the finals.

Jordan Lewis had 44 disposals and seven clearances and was clearly the Hawks’ best, but quite a few teammates seemed a bit off the boil.

If I was Alastair Clarkson, I would panic and start tanking immediately in response to this game.

That said, people who know me point out I am a massive idiot.