Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Adelaide (85) v Hawthorn (114)

Hawthorn did not deserve to win this. Not because Adelaide were better, they weren’t, but because of that jumper.

There is no doubt about it, that jumper is as ugly as the Hawks’ numerous cheap shots.

Just think, there were a whole series of meetings and at the end of them all, people thought this jumper looked good. It's mind-boggling.

Between the glare from the jumper and the punches and elbows to the midsection, it was no wonder the Crows were a bit disorientated.

This was actually closer than the scoreboard indicates and would have been even closer if the Crows could kick with any proficiency.

It seems for all his intensity, Phil Walsh forgot to teach his side basic disposal skills. Numerous times the Hawks just sat back and waited for Adelaide to pass it to them, often in scoring position.

The pressure on the Crows could be seen when Dangerfield was summoned to the bench by midfield coach Scott Camporeale to receive a spray.

The Crows say it was a discussion about how the team should set up at centre bounces. I'm sure it was, it probably went like this:

Camporeale: What's with the bloody centre setups? Do you even know where you're meant to be?

Dangerfield: How about I set up in Geelong?

Camporeale: Yeah right, those guys are going to lose to Melbourne on Sunday.

Dangerfield: You're crazy, that will never happen.

In the final quarter the Hawks kicked away triggering a mass exodus from the ground and I thought the stadium was being evacuated. It turns out there wasn’t.

I'd say all the Crows supporters were leaving early to beat the traffic but it was in Adelaide.

Richmond (70) v West Coast (90)

Dammit Richmond, now we have to take West Coast seriously.

The worst thing about this performance for Richmond fans was how normal it was. A game at home that they should have won and instead they just couldn’t get it done.

Take Dustin Martin out of this game and it would have been a bloodbath.

Perhaps every Tigers player should follow his lead and get a breathtakingly stupid haircut.

Dusty was absolutely amazing with 31 possessions and three goals but so many of his teammates seem to lack the commitment that a man with neck tattoos has.

The result puts into perspective Alex Rance’s putting loyalty ahead of premierships and re-signing with the Tigers.

Bruce McAvaney got so excited during this one he described the Rance/Josh Kennedy match up as 'a bit like Carey/Jackovich,' which it really wasn't, maybe if they played now.

Of course, we should acknowledge that Rance almost killed an umpire by lightly lobbing a ball at one. A terrifying moment for everyone and I’m just glad that umpire will walk again.

So now we need to consider that the Eagles are actually good, even very good.

Living in Melbourne I didn't even realise they were fielding a team this season.

Apparently, they have lots of good players and a good coach. One of their players even won a Brownlow Medal!

I'm going to totally Google them a bit more now and find out some stuff about them.

I've already found out John Worsfold doesn't coach them anymore and Murray Rance is no longer their captain.

If you’re an Eagles supporter you should be pretty excited and feel a little bit smug because no one believed in you.

Carlton (110) v Port Adelaide (106)

So yeah, turns out the Blues are pretty good when they’re not actively trying to get their coach sacked. In fact, the way they played they might even have a fondness for John Barker.

For Port, this was a disaster, an unmitigated disaster. It was probably the worst thing to happen in the entire world on the day. I’m not saying it’s all David Koch’s fault but we can’t rule it out.

The Power were truly awful in this one, matched only at times by the umpires but blaming the officials only explains part of this loss.

Ken Hinkley said his players were ‘spooked.’ I’m not sure what by. Carlton are a lot of things but scary is not one of them. Maybe they’re spooked by the ball, their skills seem to suggest so.

To the Blues credit, their attack on the ball and their tackling was impressive. In fact, Bryce Gibbs’ tackle on Robbie Gray, which saw Gray subbed off, was the Blues first tackle of the season.

Gibbs could be in trouble; his haircut won’t do him any favours with the Match Review Panel either and nor should it.

That moment should have been it for Port, one of their stars had been taken out in a brutal tackle, they should have responded but it was Carlton who lifted their tackling while Port just watched on.

Patrick Cripps’ display of 31 disposals, 10 clearances and 11 tackles was seriously impressive but this was a team effort. The only question is, where was this team for the first half of the season?

Greater Western Sydney (61) v North Melbourne (117)

Rhys Palmer said before this game that the Giants were ‘insulted’ by people writing them off due to Shane Mumford’s season ending injury.

Well I was insulted having to watch this game. Don’t the Giants realise I have better things to do on a Saturday afternoon? OK, I don’t but that’s not the point.

The point is the Giants were terrible and the Kangaroos did what they do against bad teams, they smashed them.

Todd Goldstein set the tone with 80 hit outs, which is a lot. I like Goldstein, rucks all day every week with little fanfare.

Nick Dal Santo returned from injury to be best on ground and the rest was really a blur as I found myself trying to find something on Twitter to distract me, only to find everyone was as bored as me.

Even Brad Scott who was watching from home was flicking around and ended up watching most of Getaway.

Western Bulldogs (146) v Brisbane (74)

In a bye week you’re severely limited in your choice of games.

After the Giants performance, I was desperate for some good footy but instead I got this game. It was terrible, just truly horrendous stuff.

These Queensland teams are just awful this year, almost unwatchable, probably actually unwatchable for most people.

Making this even worse to watch was Brian Taylor’s commentating. Old BT is terrible at the best of times but this was some next level stuff on Saturday night.

He kept referring to Jake Stringer as ‘The Package,’ like a five-year-old who gets a laugh once from doing something, he then proceeded to do the same thing over and over again until you throw your remote through the TV.

Forget stripping citizenship from terrorists; get them to listen to BT on a loop.

Stringer and Tom Boyd were damaging in this one but it was hard for them not to be with their midfield pretty much doing as they liked against a Lions team whose body language said ‘when is this season over?’

Geelong (89) v Melbourne (113)

Well none of the so-called ‘experts’ tipped this one. In fact one massive idiot said there was no alternate universe in which the Demons could win this one. What a goose! Don’t listen to that guy.

This should have been Geelong’s game. They were at home and celebrating Corey Enright's 300th game.

Instead it was a victory for all those Melbourne supporters who have kept forking over their membership money even though it felt like throwing money into a cozy alpine fireplace.

Considering Melbourne spend most of their time focused on the mental scarring of the past eight years, this was the therapy session everyone needed.

Kardinia Park is the epicenter of the Demons recent awfulness, a period so bad that every single Melbourne supporter just knew we would stuff this one up.

But then they didn’t.

In fact, the mental fragility that has haunted Melbourne seemed to suddenly not be there. The more pressure Geelong applied the more the Demons seemed to lift.

It was highly irregular.

Geelong were good too. Not at their best but this was not a case of the Cats being awful and Melbourne being lucky. The Demons made Geelong awful through their constant pressure. Take Viney’s job on Selwood as the perfect example. It was two of the toughest players in the league and Viney came out well on top.

There were other highlights for Melbourne too. Angus Brayshaw is already a better player than James Frawley, while Bernie Vince thrives as a tagger. Nathan Jones was his usual epic self and Max Gawn spent the first half doing a very good Wayne Carey impression.

Suddenly, late in the fourth quarter, when I realised the Dees had it won, I had this warm feeling in my heart that I haven’t felt before.

A quick trip to the doctor and I discovered this sensation was something called ‘happiness’ and that my heart was actually fine. I can’t say the same for my liver though, which the doctor explained wasn’t feeling ‘joy’ but something called ‘alcoholic liver disease’.

Oh well, I’m a happy man today and that’s not something I can usually say on a Monday.