Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Carlton (90) v Hawthorn (118)

Admit it, this was closer than you thought. The return of West Coast Eagles star Chris Judd to the Carlton line-up added much needed class.

This sort of effort makes you wonder what Carlton have been up to earlier in the season. If they were a school student their report would say ‘if only they had tried harder.’

Cyril Rioli was ‘special,’ kicking three goals and getting reported in an eventful game. Coaches should get Matthew Lloyd to bag their players more often.

Richmond (85) v Fremantle (105)

Poor Richmond CEO Brendon Gale. I hope this loss doesn’t distract from his World Cup junket. That’s the real focus at Tigerland at the moment.

The Tigers showed much improvement in their effort but they commit turnovers like it’s the aim of the game.

For Fremantle fans, nothing could match the excitement of Colin Sylvia debuting for the club.

Coming in as the sub, Sylvia’s three possessions showed he was totally worth the wait.

Ross Lyon managed to stop Sylvia going out the night before by reading him stories until he fell asleep. Something Mark Neeld never thought of trying.

Sydney (98) v Port Adelaide (94)

A great game and one of many this round, which was a pleasant surprise.

Buddy Franklin showed why signing him was such a coup, despite the increased danger to Sydney’s motorists.

The Swans looked very good and if you’re a Swans supporter you should be very excited. If you’re not, just bring up COLA all the time. It really annoys them.

Port has nothing to be ashamed of either. They showed they live up to their slogan of never giving up.

This is a weird thing. Usually football clubs do the opposite of what their membership slogan say, we all remember Carlton’s ‘They know we’re coming’.

The last club to really live up to their slogan was Essendon, with ‘Whatever it takes,’ ALLEGEDLY.

West Coast (103) v Gold Coast (100)

West Coast are the North Melbourne of Western Australia.

They did their best to lose this one, with Gold Coast coming back from being down by 35 points at three quarter time to lead in the fourth.

The Suns just couldn’t get it done though and are fading (unlike the curtains in Queensland) in the run home to the finals.

Brisbane (80) v Greater Western Sydney (125)

Poor Brisbane fans. After the success of the early 2000s, this seems like one very long hangover.

You know you’re in trouble when Jonathan Brown goes off with a heavy concussion. This is a man who makes cars come off second best in collisions.

Luckily if you’re a Brisbane fan, Gold Coast lost too, meaning the other ex-Victorian in the office won’t be able to bag you too much.

This was the Giants first away win and biggest winning margin ever. As a Melbourne supporter I won’t to say thank you to the Lions. I was sure we’d own these two honours.

The celebrations in Greater Western Sydney were immense with local firing guns into people’s houses. At least I think that was part of the celebrations.

Adelaide (109) v North Melbourne (93)

It’s good to see North Melbourne hasn’t lost their team identity, utterly confusing.

I imagine being a Kangaroos supporter is a bit like owning an Italian car, you never know when you turn the key if it will start.

North coach Brad Scott said the Kangaroos don’t get 22 contributors every week. Maybe they should consider putting someone in charge of that? Like a senior coach or similar? Just a thought.

Here comes Adelaide! Sort of.

The Crows seem to be giving their fans some hope before probably finishing ninth. Are they the new Richmond? I bet Richmond wishes they were the new Richmond.

Next week the Crows take on the legally complicated Essendon in a game that could see the winner stay in touch of the top eight.

Geelong (133) v St Kilda (37)

It was nice of St Kilda to head down to Geelong and offer some simulated game scenario practice.

To say it was like playing against witches hats would be inaccurate. You can at least put the witches hats in the right places at stoppages.

That plan to win a Premiership before 2020 the Board strategy mentions may actually be a bit of black humour from the club. It’s the only explanation.

Chris Scott said the Cats didn’t focus much during the week and it seems that was a good call seeing as they didn’t have any.

Collingwood (98) v Western Bulldogs (106)

How’s that lack of relevancy going? Seems a cure has been found.

That said, the Bulldogs needed this like Brian Taylor needs self-awareness. They were desperate to prove this rebuild is going somewhere, anywhere. Beating Collingwood does more than a normal win.

Those bragging rights in the Centrelink queue are something you can’t underestimate for Doggies fans.

Collingwood’s defence looked poor and they seem to be struggling in recent weeks with stopping it getting down there.

I’m always a believer though that Etihad Stadium is the Bermuda Triangle of stadiums. Weird things happen there.

Something about the size of the ground makes the game feel smaller and teams that you’d expect to win often don’t.

Essendon (77) v Melbourne (78)

How Essendon lost this is bewildering. They had 27 scoring shots to 18 and still lost. It was almost like they were distracted by something.

Perhaps the conspiracy against Essendon we hear so much about now includes the players?

In truth, I feel it’s amazing the players are still playing at all. They’ve been royally screwed by almost all involved.

The Paul Roos statue at Demonland is now the height of Mt Buller. The inbred elite haven’t been this excited since the Reverend Neale Daniher was at the club.

I won’t make the obvious joke about the Demons fans being glad it’s a poor ski season. Not because it’s obvious, which I’m all about, but because it’s not a joke.