Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

North Melbourne (108) v Hawthorn (88)

Remember when you'd get a substitute teacher for a few weeks and you discovered you liked them a lot more than the original teacher?

Seems that's the case here. Hawthorn has never lost under caretaker coach Brendon Bolton. That said, even Danny Frawley could probably win with this team.

This was a great game with some quite spiteful moments.

The Match Review Panel is currently watching old Brutus 'The Barber' Beefcake matches to find a precedent to grade Brian 'Loch Ness Monster' Lake's sleeper hold.

I've had shorter relationships than Lake’s choke hold on Drew Petrie.

North were terrific and they deserve full credit for running over the top of the Hawks.

At one point they had Hawthorn panicking like someone who believes every A Current Affair story is true.

Richmond (79) v Brisbane (54)

Richmond begun this year with the goal of winning finals.

Last week, Damien Hardwick revised this down to 'winning back respect.'

After this performance, he may change it to 'run through the right banner.'

The Tigers struggled to put away the Lions, who try hard, but lack a lot of polish and have no forward line.

Jonathan Brown took his new spot in the Lions coaches box and looked like a guy watching the suburban footy. He appeared so relaxed it was Mark Thompsonesque.

Greater Western Sydney (72) v Adelaide (140)

If you live anywhere but Adelaide, you probably didn’t even know this game was played. Yes, of course that includes Western Sydney.

Adelaide continued on their recent run of good form, defeating everyone's favourite social experiment the GWS Giants.

The Giants were so bad in the first term they reminded me of the Giants.

The brains trust at GWS begun by not tagging Patrick Dangerfield, despite him destroying them in previous meetings.

Dangerfield tweaked his knee, but managed to return. Eddie ‘Thank God I’m not at Carlton’ Betts kicked five.

Adelaide face Hawthorn this week at Adelaide 'sorry I can't hear you, It’s Really Loud!!' Oval in a match that could decide finals for them.

Gold Coast (80) v Collingwood (75)

Everyone’s enjoyment of Collingwood’s loss was largely offset by an injury to Gary Ablett, after he was meanly tackled by Brent Mcaffer.

The umpires will wear black armbands for the length of Gary’s injury and will not submit Brownlow votes during that time as a mark of respect.

This was a bad loss for the Pies. They controlled most of the play and the Suns had injuries galore.

Maybe there is still hope for all of us all that the shift from Malthouse to Buckley can still ruin both Carlton and Collingwood. Fingers crossed!

Melbourne (34) v Fremantle (97)

“What’s a Darwin?” was the most overheard comment in the Lodge at Mt Buller on Saturday night. Followed shortly by “Can we turn this off?” about half way through the first quarter.

This game was a cure for insomnia or being a football fan. It was Brett Lee’s music career awful.

Melbourne seems to be regressing back to all their poor habits, with very worrying signs over the last few weeks. Paul Roos better do something to earn all that money the AFL gave Melbourne to then give him.

Fremantle were just better. They did everything they needed to do to just ground Melbourne down and let them make mistakes.

Was it exciting? Not sure, I kept nodding off.

Port Adelaide (60) v Essendon (62)

Obviously the Power are a bit tired from all that running. They probably also regret calling something ‘the Portress’.

This was a huge win for Essendon and I thought Anonymous and Anonymous were particularly influential.

The Power are obviously in real trouble. It’s time to sack David Koch. From Sunrise.

Carlton (151) v St Kilda (66)

This was the season highlight for Carlton and probably the lowlight for St Kilda, although the Saints have more lowlights to choose from than Carlton have highlights.

St Kilda’s on field form is truly awful, but don’t worry Saint fans, I’m sure it won’t distract the Board from their focus on New Zealand.

Apparently, just under 30,000 people went to watch this game which is astounding. I’m pretty sure the AFL has added three zeroes to that figure.

Possibly the three too.

West Coast (51) v Sydney (79)

This was always going to be a tough one for the Eagles, it’s never easy to win in Perth.

The Eagles suffered a blow before the game with Nic Naitanui ruled out with ‘general soreness.’

Unfortunately for the Eagles, no one could step us and cover his normal 8 possessions and one mark.

The Eagles to their credit put in a solid performance overall, but lacked the polish and toughness of the Swans.

Geelong’s lack of form, Port’s troubles and Hawthorn’s loss mean Sydney are now Premiership favorites. Get ready to care about AFL again Sydneysiders.

Unfortunately, Swans fans only have constant winning to distract them from accusations of unfair advantage from the Cost of Living Allowance.

Geelong (69) v Western Bulldogs (56)

Could there be anything better than heading to Geelong at 4.30pm on a cold and rainy Sunday night? Wait, I’ve just thought of several thousand things.

Geelong remains in touch of the top four and get a mini-bye against Melbourne next week.

I’m trying to figure out if Geelong are struggling or if this is a sign of a team that can win even when their form is a bit off.

The one bright spot in the Bulldogs season, Marcus Bontempelli continued his run of good form and should give Bulldog supporters a bit of hope for the future.

This game was not pleasant to watch and not just because the Bulldogs were involved.

The 4.30 slot is not really suited for Melbourne in the middle of winter, but the AFL will probably need to ‘test’ that for a few years before they realise this.