The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Sixteen  | Titus O'Reily

You are here

The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Sixteen 

Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Sydney (59) v Geelong (71)

I’m not sure what’s more confusing, Geelong’s form or the interpretation of the protected zone rule.

Neither seem to have any consistency to them.

The protected zone is so vague, the penalty so high and the inconsistency of when it’s called makes me wonder if the AFL is now just actively trolling footy fans, instead of just being indifferent to them.

The umpiring across the weekend was again bewildering but as I’ve said before, it’s not really the umpires fault. They’re the call centre operators forced to implement the insane policies of those higher up.

Not even the umpires could have saved the Swans in this one. The Cats smashed them so comprehensively in the middle that I began to wonder if my eyes deceived me because it at least appeared that Sydney had players at centre bounces.

The only thing that made this remotely close was Geelong’s goalkicking. Even calling it ‘goalkicking is flattering.

They finished 8.23.71. You never want a score that looks like how the Americans write the date.

The Swans have struggled on the SCG this year, so they’d obviously be thrilled a Grand Final will never be played there.

Richmond (103) v Adelaide (56)

The Tigers have now won 17-straight wins on their home ground equalling the record set by the Demons in the 1950s.

I remember going and watching that 1950s team back in the good old days of football. 

The good old days of football stretch from when football was invented to about a year before whatever day it currently is. 

The present and the past twelve months are ‘the worst days of football when it is about to die at any second’. It has always been this way and always will be.

The game itself doesn’t care what people say. It always fixes itself. It self corrects. 

Too defensive? Coaches and teams figure how to beat the new tactics. New defensive tactics emerge, these are eventually figured out too. Rinse and repeat.

All the while the AFL tinker, fixing the problems their previous tinkering created and taking credit when something seems to work even though it probably had nothing to do with them. 

Richmond have certainly worked out how to play the MCG. They lock you in their forward half, they don’t overcommit, they just make sure they’re set up well and wait for their opponents to make a mistake.  

They are simply more disciplined as an entire side than anyone else at the moment. 

Watching them play live, you just notice that everyone knows what they’re doing, where they should be with or without the ball and they do it for four quarters. That’s hard to do. 

I can’t stay focused for four minutes without looking at my phone eight times.

The Crows, I can only assume, are suffering Stockholm syndrome, when hostages start to identify with their captors. All that listening to Richmond’s theme song blindfolded, has resulted in them only wanting to hear it more. At least that would explain this performance.

Tex Walker managed to replicate his Grand Final form in this one, but he was hardly alone. 

For Crows supporters, after making a Grand Final last season, this is like having to sit through True Detective season two. An incoherent mess with no focus and a lot of people getting hurt for no real reason.

Brisbane (120) v Carlton (55)

I didn’t think it possible, but Carlton appear to be getting worse. 

The Lions this year have struggled to win but have at least looked interested in improving and attempting to put in place habits that make a team successful. 

Going into this, Brisbane would have seen this as a test against a side supposedly at a similar level in the rebuilding process.

Instead, it looked like a finals team taking on the wooden spoon favourite. 

The Lions had stars everywhere. Dayne Beams had a field day, gathering 40 disposals when he realised he not only didn’t have a direct opponent, but no opponents at all. 

Eric Hipwood booted six goals, as the Lions midfield provided service so good they should win the rights to the World Cup next time.  

As for Carlton’s midfield, I haven’t seen a less attentive group of people since I tried to purchase something in Myer a few years ago.

Much like the Myer’s staff, the Blues players were either invisible or when sighted, clearly disinterested in performing any of the duties required of them.

The Blues did have injuries, with Andrew Phillips, Jacob Weitering and Caleb Marchbank all going off.

Marchbank had an elevated heartbeat, proving that at least one Carlton player had a heart.

I was recently thinking Carlton were not as bad as everyone was making out. I was wrong.

Port Adelaide (86) v St Kilda (50)

After the game, Ken Hinkley said “(We were) Never going to lose the game which was pleasing.”

He could have said that before the game, but I think it was nice of him to hold off until afterwards.

Ken was right, this was a game devoid of any tension. 

The Saints tried, with David Armitage’s 30 disposals and three goals a highlight, but they were just always a bit off the pace.

The Power did just enough to keep in front, like a boxer just holding an opponent at arm’s length on the way to a points victory.

The only thing interesting about the game at all was counting the number of turnovers both teams made. 

It got so bad I was longing for the skills of the earlier Lions-Blues clash.

Western Bulldogs (59) v Hawthorn (122)

I went along to my favourite ground, Etihad Stadium to watch this and was impressed by how easily I could stream the Melbourne game on my phone. 

Remember the days when you couldn’t even get phone coverage at footy games?

Sometimes life does get better because having to watch the second half of this without a distraction would have been a nightmare.

It was an emotional night for Hawks supporters who were saying goodbye to Cyril Rioli. 

In a nice pre-game ceremony, Cyril walked to the center of the ground and then ascended to heaven on a beam of light, the Etihad roof opening just enough to let him through.

Before he left our sight, he waved his hand and everyone in the stadium with an illness was instantly healed. Why, even that rash I’d been battling with varying degrees of success for several years seems to have cleared up.

The Bulldogs gave the second quarter a really crack but apart from that, they seemed to go out of their way to make Hawthorn’s forward line seem dangerous. 

Luke Breust had six goals Jarryd Roughead and Jack Gunston both kicked four. 

Considering the Hawks hadn’t kicked 100 points since Round Two, the Bulldogs deserve a lot of the credit for this outcome.

It keeps the Hawks in contention for the eight and helps their percentage, so not a great night for humanity.

Melbourne (102) v Fremantle (48)

Much like this column, accuracy was a distant shore rarely visited by the Demons on Saturday night.

With a return of 13 goals and 24 behinds, it says a lot about how bad the Dockers were that the Demons could still cruise home.

Ross Lyon said after the game, 'Sometimes, you're just not good enough'. This is what I want written on my tombstone.

The Dockers were without Nat Fyfe and Aaron Sandilands, which is like losing your heart and lungs.

Melbourne at least tried to entertain the Darwin crowd, with goalkicking in the first half that brought back memories of the golden age of slapstick comedy.

Simon Goodwin said after the game he was pleased with his side’s defensive effort. 

Should we tell him that keeping Fremantle to 48 points is the footballing equivalent of being pleased, you managed to dress yourself in the morning.

North Melbourne (95) v Gold Coast (58)

The Gold Coast Suns have slipped below Brisbane on the ladder after this loss. 

Being the worst Queensland AFL team is a hard fought position. 

It’s another lowlight to add to the Suns’ rather impressive collection of lowlights.

Stuart Dew said after the game, “I thought we started really sluggish," which sums up Gold Coast’s history in one neat sentence.

North were hardly amazing themselves, sloppy disposal kept them from breaking away earlier but by the third quarter they were clicking and at least gave the 14,389 brave souls who showed up to watch this something to cheer about.

The low crowd was mocked by many, but I was actually impressed that many people gave up their Sunday to go see this. 

Essendon (62) v Collingwood (78)

Collingwood’s campaign of terror continued for the seventh game in a row, defeating Essendon with a brutal final quarter.

The Pies may have lost Lynden Dunn and Adam Treloar but their replacements, resplendent in lime green, delivered when it counted, regularly blunting the Bombers momentum.

In his 200thgame, Steele Sidebottom kicked one of the goals of the season. 

After marking about 60 metres out, he faked the man on the mark, Travis Colyer, ran around to the fifty and slotted the goal from the boundary line. 

So, confused was Colyer that even as I write this, he’s still on the MCG wondering where Sidebottom went. 

Essendon launched a brilliant comeback in the second and we suddenly had a game on our hands.  

The Bombers even had a one-point lead in the fourth quarter but then something troubling happened, Collingwood steadied and willed themselves over the top, kicking five of the last six goals in an assured performance full of confidence.

This is the last thing we need, a Pies side full of self-belief. 

Jordan De Goey was the spark up forward in the final quarter, in a performance that shows why Collingwood put up with his nonsense and why North Melbourne offered him so much.

Although, North offering someone a lot of money if hardly a rare thing. 

I was walking to the footy the other day and a North recruiter offered me a six-figure sum. When I said no they just approached the next person walking past like one of those charity muggers. 

“Hi! How’s your day going? Can I interest you in joining North Melbourne for a crazy amount of money? No? Why aren’t you stopping?”

West Coast (86) v Greater Western Sydney (75) 

Another game that proved footy’s woes are overstated. 

Nic Naitanui was the spark for the Eagles, taking two Mark of the Year candidates, which is just showing off really.

This was one of those games where each side grabs the momentum for a period only for the other to wrestle it back. Like a couple fighting over what to watch on Netflix.

The Giants midfield were constantly damaging, and you have to wonder how much Jeremy Cameron’s completely unnecessary absence contributed to the loss.

In fact, both sides were without their normal forward lines, but both midfields made up for it with some great performances on both sides. 

Andrew Gaff was ridiculously good, as was Stephen Coniglio for the Giants. 

Gaff’s performance was so dominate that anything less than three articles in the Melbourne media about which Victorian team he’ll play for next season would be a disgrace.

Once again though, inaccurate goalkicking significantly affected an outcome, with the Giants slotting ten goals and 15 behinds. It was this that probably had the biggest impact on the game. 

The Eagles now face Collingwood on the MCG in what looms as a very important game. Who would have thought that at the start of the year? 

Titus has a new live show ‘Manifestly Inadequate’and new dates to announce.

They are his traditional bye round tour wrapping up the 2018 season and previewing the finals. 

The dates are: 

4 August- Hobart 

27 August- Canberra

29 August- Perth

31 August- Sydney

1 September- Melbourne

2 September- Adelaide 

Ticket available here: http://www.frontiercomedy.com/titusoreily

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. I aim to keep as much of my stuff on this site and available to everyone and not behind paywalls. 

Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus

Comments

Bloke from the Outer 9 July 2018

Punters regularly say 'best ever Titus', 'back in form Tutus' yada, yada, yada.

Titus is always in form; nonetheless, this is exceptional.

TigersBack2Back 9 July 2018

Marchbank had an elevated heartbeat, proving that at least one Carlton player had a heart. - Pure GOLD

Paul Bauer 9 July 2018

Haha. That is very true about the Myer staff. You coukdn’t have said it better.

Bernie Brookes 9 July 2018

Leave Myer out of this!

Property Steward 9 July 2018

Anyway, lesson learned, no more wild tangents that take away from coverage of the Crows.
Richmond to win.

Nailed it last week.

GS 9 July 2018

“'Sometimes, you're just not good enough'. This is what I want written on my tombstone.” I laughed audibly at this. Well done.

Gideon not Haigh 9 July 2018

Yea, that was good!

TaylorKitsch4eva 9 July 2018

Can't believe how disappointing S2 of True Detective was, even with the wonderful (in everything but this) Taylor Kitsch!

Wendy 9 July 2018

Thank's Titus for the laughs - loved the bit about the ascending Cyril Rioli.

Liggo 9 July 2018

Love your stuff Titus, and its nitpicking, but the Hawks kicked 115 in round 4.

Baz 9 July 2018

“Replacements resplendent in lime green”. Great quote, love it Titus

MNS 9 July 2018

Does Bruce still love Cyril as much as I love coffee? & if not, what do I do with my mug?

Davo 9 July 2018

Brilliant stuff, Titus! You’re the only one who can make me laugh about my team the Dockers.

Jo 9 July 2018

1st time reader but have heard you talking to Jules on wireless!! Love ya stuff!! Laughed aloud through every game!!

LIGGO 10 July 2018

Thanks Harrison. Can you hack into Brendan Bolton's account and extract the Carlton game plan? Or is the file empty ?

Aaron Fawden 11 July 2018

BEST ON LINE LOTTERY MAGIC SPELL TO WIN LOTTERY CONTACT DR. JAKIKI FOR MAGIC LOTTERY WIING NUMBER

My name is Aaron Fawden, my wife and I have been finding it difficult to earn a living, we were unable to cater for our kids, we couldn’t pay our bills, until January this year, i was on the internet when i saw testimonies about a great spell caster Dr.Jakiki who help people in winning lottery, i had to give it a try. i email him, he asked for my name and address, and after 48 hours he called me and send me lottery numbers. My wife and I tried it and we won (£1,000,000...... ONE MILLIONS POUNDS)... We are rich and all our doubts are been settled. Thank you Dr.Jakiki for the genuine and unique spell done for me and my family,we are so grateful. This man is a very strong voodoo doc who gives out the rightful winning numbers. Dr Jakiki you are the best voodoo Doc out here, with these man you can win thousand and millions of money through lottery. I have not met him in person but he is a God sent. If you have any difficulties winning lottery, you can as well Email him for lottery lucky winning numbers. Check more about him on his website: http://spellcasthome.blogspot.com

Spellcasthome@gmail.com Call or text him +1 (402) 892-2486
Aaron Fawden
From UK Liverpool.

Dillon Gorman 11 July 2018

If you have any difficulties winning lottery, you can as well Email him for lottery lucky winning numbers. He help me cast a lottery spell and send me the lottery number and i won 500,000.00 Spellcasthome@gmail. com Call or text him +1 (402) 892-2486

Ego Sum 12 July 2018

If you ever need to find out about a cheating partner or spouse, get the help of a professional hack expert who can help find out for you with facts and evidence, can help spy and track on partners mobile, thereby you get to gain unrestricted access to all texts including deleted messages, call logs both incoming and outgoing, gallery folders, retrieve files and deleted content, gain access to all email and social media messages and monitor virtually all that is going on in the phone and lots more. Find ego.sum.solution@gmail.com for help out and solution. We provide solution to all hack needs.

Geoff in Brisbane 12 July 2018

Where is the Brisbane date for your upcoming tour? Are Qld comedy club audiences as small as GABBA and Metricon crowds?

Hansford Ann 15 July 2018

My name is Handford Ann,i base in canada.i want to share my wonderful testimony on how i got back my ex-lover of my life back, he left me for another woman for no reason and i try to make things work for both of us yet things where getting worse and i love him so much and there is nothing i could do to get my ex back until i met a testimony share by Maria from USA on the internet talking about a powerful spell caster who brought his ex lover back within 48hours and i decide to give it a try and to my greatest surprise he also did it for me just as he did for Maria and i have a lot of people complaining of fake spell caster but this one i met was a real spell caster who help me to solve my problem i have no solution to,i introduce many of my best friends that have a similar problems,and their problem were solve with the great help of Dr.Trust. They get back their ex within 48 hours. I am so happy that my ex is back to me again,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love.i am so happy my love is back to me with the help of Dr.Trust. If you have any problem in your relationship i will advice you to contact him now (Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com) His website for more testimony of him: http://utimatespellcast.blogspot.com Call or Text him now +1(317) 762-7416

clouds 29 July 2018

My mum had small cell terminal lung cancer. She lost her hair while going through chemo and it devastated. She has recently finished her radiotherapy and she was losing her hair again :( mum wanted me to shave it off again as it's coming out in clumps.i know she was very upset and have told her to be confident it'll grow back but she's so upset, life became hell for me, because i just cant imagine my mum this way. i actually posted this online, and somebody replied me, that he knows once who can cure my mum, without spending much money and without taking anytime anymore, and there wont be any hair loss anymore. I said okay and i want to give it a try, the person that helped him (the person that i was referred to) is Dr Covenant, his email is covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com, he gave me his email address and i contacted him and told him everything, he (Dr Covenant) said i should not worry everything'll be okay in space of 8 days, i actually gave him a try.
It was not up to the 3rd day, i started noticing changes in my mum. Now my mum is healthy back and the cancer is gone. Am so grateful about this. I actually thought that my mum was going to die, but now she is still alive. Friends, if you have any problem such as cancer, or other illness like HIV/AIDS, GONORRHEA, or any other illness at all, and he is also specialized in getting ex back contact Dr Covenant on his email covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com or add him on watsapp on +2349057353987 or call him directly on +2348146671563. you can also go through his website if interested http://covenantspelltemple.blogspot.com.
MY BEST FRIEND IS STILL ALIVE, AM GRATEFUL COVENANT.

Henry Perez 1 August 2018

How to win lottery,Lottery spell that work fast,Spell for lottery,Spell for lottery numbers,Lottery lucky spell. Check on Dr Trust Websit now https://davilotteryspell.blogspot.com/

Lottery is something majority of the people in the world want to win. I am a man who believe that one day i will win the lottery. Finally my dreams came through when i email Dr Davi. And tell him i need the lottery numbers. I have come a long way spending money on ticket just to make sure i win. But i never know that winning was so easy until the day i meant the spell caster online which so many people has talked about that he is very great in casting lottery spell with winning numbers,that the winning numbers are 100% guarantee that you must win the lottery. So i contacted him also and told him I want to win a lottery,he cast a spell and gave me lucky winning numbers which I use and I played and won $2,000,000.00 (Two Million Dollars) This man is a very strong voodoo doc who gives out the numbers that can never fail. Your Lotto spell made wonders, I can't believe it. Thank you so much sir for dedicating your time to cast the Lotto spell for me.”I am eternally grateful for the lotto spell Dr. Davi did for me. Incase you also need him to help you win, you can contact him through his email:

His website for other reviews: https://davilotteryspell.blogspot.com/

Email him: Dr.davilotteryspell@aol.com

Call or WhatApp him: +1 (760) 973-9693

Nicole Travolta 1 August 2018

Effective powerful love spell to get your Ex lover back urgently after breakup/divorce!.
Hi everyone,
I'm so excited. My ex-boyfriend is back after a breakup, I’m extremely happy that will are living together again.
My boyfriend of a 4yr just broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant. I have cried myself to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again. Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes, my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time. Generally he is a very nice guy, he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along. He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot .After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change. I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with. I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe. He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy, he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy.

I was really upset and I needed help, so I searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Ahmed can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and I did it then he did a spell for me. 17 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again...

All thanks to Dr Ahmed if you have any problem contact Dr Ahmed now and I guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact.
Call/what’s-app: +2348160153829
Email: Ahmedutimate@gmail.com

Leslie Noel 2 August 2018

Exactly six months ago today I sent this to Dr. Wakina via dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com;
“Hello Dr. Wakina
I am writing to see if you can help me reconcile with my partner. We both love each other very much but we have had to face many obstacles. Though I am stronger mentally and emotionally and he is and he often runs from problems and ends the relationship then later regrets his decision once he has calmed down.
I have been to counseling, worked on myself, and I’m very spiritual. I have made mistakes, learned from them and want to be a better woman for him. Both our hearts are broken being apart, we have both tried to see other people but we realize no one else measures up.
I love him very much. Can you help us to forgive our pasts and reconcile and have a stronger relationship? His pride and ego get in the way, he is very stubborn and worries what people will think if we get back together.
Please help”
My utmost effort payed off and we are happier together after the goodwill spell from Dr. Wakina

Kim Wiggs 3 August 2018

Return Lost Love Spells That Really Work fast: Fix Your Broken Relationship Or Marriage With Dr. Trust Love Spell

My appreciation goes to the great spell caster who has brought back my husband. It all happened when i came across different testimonies and appreciations share about this man called Dr Trust here on the internet on how he did cast spells to reunite broken relationships,winning lotto for different people across the globe. Then i decided to collect is website contact for me to reach out to him,because i was also encountering some problems with my man and this has torn our relationship apart. So I did that with reluctance and i got a positive result which was just all like a dream to me,my husband call my cell phone again for the first time in 4 years asking for us to have a date and sort out things. Now as i speak we are happier than ever before. My husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Thank you Dr Trust for saving my broken Marriage. Dr. Trust is the best online spell caster that is powerful and genuine. Email him now today.

Check his website for more testimony of other people: http://utimatespellcast.blogspot.com

Email him: Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com OR Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com

Call or text him: (+1(317) 762-7416 )

Ellery Adrian 11 August 2018

I started seeking for help when I was desperate to see the good in my life because I was blinded by deception, expecting loyalty from a man who can’t be honest with himself. For 2 years’ happiness seems overrated while depression and anxiety took over my life.
One of the hardest thing I did was not not moving on because I trust my marriage will work again someday.
During the search to regain my sight and improve my marriage, I came across this email dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com owned by Dr.Wakina love spell master. Immediately after a successful love spell was cast, my life was given a meaning, my husband changed his attitudes and started focusing on me and the family. He became my everything. We became truthful to ourselves.
I appreciate the time and effort he (Dr. Wakina) put into giving our lives a meaning.

GEORGE DICKSON 11 August 2018

My name is GEORGE DICKERSON"I couldn’t believe myself that my dream has come true to provide my family with a healthy environment where they can have better education and opportunities for their future. I would tell everyone to go for it and they must be lucky as i'm today. I would definitely recommend Dr Savior for any intended lottery player who's tire of not winning big, Contact him niw via email "POTENTIALSPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM"
GEORGE DICKERSON -7455 W Colfax Ave, Lakewood, CO 80214, USA.

I'm a Taxi driver who has hope in winning big in the lottery draws but always go home disappointed with few dollars or non, Many successful lottery entrants/winners of lottery games have said their winning combinations came to them through the help of voodoo lottery spell casters but i never believed in such tales because whenever i visit the spell site there's always positive and negative stories about the spell caster , After involving in gassy motor accident and got my cab damage there was no insurance to replace the cab for me so i turned back to baby sitter and errant man so disdain and shameful, I told my wife about the spell casters helping people with winning numbers but been scared not to be tricked so advise we should give it a try behold it's a fantastic outcome i won one million dollars (1,000,00$) I contact a man called Dr Saviour after narrating my ordeal to him he promised to help me win the lottery games that he has been helping so many Americans and others at large in such situation after reaching an agreement with him he casted the lottery spell for me, I was pleasantly surprised when I found out that I was the lucky winner of USA IA Lottery program. when I receive a letter I was very very happy and now my conclusions is that Dr Saviour is a wonderful and guinue spell caster and I didn’t expect to win in this big in the draw I think you are the best and I recommend you to all my friends. Thanks to god for leading me to you my days of financial sorrow is over! I think they will make a good choice by choosing Dr Saviour to cast the lottery spell for them, Contact him now via email address and get your winning numbers immediately "POTENTIALSPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM"

You must have Javascript enabled to use this form.