Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Essendon (82) v North Melbourne (93)

The night began with a touching tribute before the game, with Essendon holding a minute's silence for their missing spreadsheet.

When I think of that poor spreadsheet, out there somewhere waiting to prove everyone innocent, I tear up.

It was great to see Brad Scott and James Hird coach against each other. Not quite like grand master chess but definitely like a couple of kids playing checkers against each other. Assuming the kids had never played checkers before.

For Essendon, this was a performance James Hird would probably later describe as a 'comprehensive victory'.

To be fair, we must address the blind elephant in the room; the Bombers got an unfair run with the umpires, predominately in the first half.

However, the Bombers had their chances and they shouldn’t hang their hat on poor umpiring.

Blind luck tends to balance out anyway, like when the AFL tribunal found them ‘not guilty’.

For North, this was a huge win. A loss here and their season would have been in CRISIS. Ok, maybe it wouldn’t be in crisis but it would be off to a shaky start.

Gee, this being accurate thing is incredibly boring; no wonder the media doesn’t do it much.

Jarrad Waite, proved yet again that he is the most consistent player in the AFL. Not in a good way, in a doing something stupid, getting reported kind-of-way.

North play the Dockers in Fremantle next week, so it’s perfect timing by Waite, right when the team needs him most.

Adelaide (119) v St Kilda (73)

This game was had more injuries than a dodgy DIY home renovation. Matthew Jaensch did a knee and looks to be out for some time, Nick Reiwoldt was knocked out cold in a clash with Brodie Smith and Smith himself was subbed off with concussion.

On top of all this, the Saints also lost Jack Lonie to concussion making the whole thing slightly sub-optimal.

It hurt just watching this one.

For the Saints, David Armitage, Jack Steven and Jack Billings continued to show their class, while Josh Bruce booted five in another impressive outing.

The Saints just couldn’t keep up with the Crows when it mattered though.

Sam Jacobs and Scott Thompson controlled the game when it mattered and up forward Carlton’s Eddie Betts continued to star for the Crows with six goals.

Hawthorn (155) v Melbourne (50)

Before the game, as the news Jesse Hogan was out spread around the ground, Melbourne fans started to realise that the Hawks might be in with a real chance.

This was old school Melbourne, although I don’t think there ever was a new school.

They team lived up to their secret Latin motto ‘Sumus Melbourne corrumpis carrucis,’ which translated is ‘We are Melbourne, destroyer of coaches’.

The Demons were again beyond bad. I’ve heard fellow Melbourne supporters say we shouldn’t bag the players but apart from a precious few, they don’t give us much choice. We show up, so why don’t they?

Hawthorn just settled in for what they would characterise as a ‘light training session.’

They showed the Demons what professionalism is, four quarters of unrelenting pressure, even though the result was in no doubt from quarter time.

Carlton (57) v Greater Western Sydney (135)

The tragi-comedy that is Carlton’s 2015 season gets better with every episode. Like The Office, I find myself laughing but also cringing at the awkwardness.

The Blues players seemed to have seen Melbourne’s effort and thought ‘we can out-awful that.’

Carlton doesn’t really have players at the moment; they’re more like those people who reenact civil war battles. They dress up and pretend to take it very seriously but a shot is never actually fired in anger.

16,676 fans turned up to this one. I don’t really know why.

The Giants have recruited so well. It’s truly unbelievable, like they had some sort of unfair advantage.

To be fair, being given a truckload of pre-draft talent and priority picks does not instantly translate to success, just ask the Suns.

Jeremy Cameron kicked five goals and is a bona fide freak, while Shane Mumford was terrific yet again.

After beating the Hawks the week before, this game must have been like going from playing FIFA on legendary to amateur for GWS. It was embarrassing to watch.

Sydney (120) v Geelong (77)

The surface at ANZ stadium looked liked a crop had just been sowed but the AFL decided to play a game there anyway quicker than you can say ‘massive conflict of interest.’

This game was entertaining until late, when the Swans finally got on top of a very impressive Geelong side.

The Cats are better than a lot of people predicted at the start of the year. They’re a step of the pace of the top few teams but not that far off and there is talent coming through.

This game was really about Luke Parker. The young midfielder had an amazing game. Just look at these advance metrics I’ve found after intensive analysis: five goals and 31 possessions.

That’s really good! He tackles too, which I reckon is a good habit in a footballer.

West Coast (135) v Gold Coast (43)

Maybe the AFL invented the Suns to make Melbourne and Carlton fans feel better. It would explain a lot, especially sending Eade there.

Given most of the Suns list is either drunk or injured, I wasn’t expecting much of this game and that’s exactly what I got.

West Coast pretty much did as they liked across the ground and it felt more like a NAB Challenge game than one for premiership points.

The Eagles kicked 12 straight goals in the third term in a performance that could be reported for workplace bullying.

Matt Priddis had 39 disposals but they were probably the easiest 39 possessions he’s ever got.

The Suns players seemed to just stand there, watching the rain pour down and thinking ‘I miss Bluey.’

Western Bulldogs (88) v Fremantle (101)

Now this, this was a game.

You have to like what they’re doing at the Bulldogs. They are young, tough and never give up and they took it up to Fremantle throughout the day.

Each week, different players seem to stand up for the Dogs, this week Tory Dickson booted seven for them, while Bob Murphy continued his renaissance under Luke Beveridge.

Fans of struggling teams look at the effort of the Bulldogs and wonder ‘why can’t our guys do that.’ Actually, it’s not as polite as that when they think it.

This heaping praise on the Dogs is also a way of pointing out how good the Dockers are. They are simply a machine who gets the job done.

The late fade-outs aren’t great but when the game is on the line they step up.

They have a scary combination of talent, desire and discipline. The only negative for them was Nat Fyfe being reported for tripping.

It was pretty soft, so I can’t see a suspension coming out of it but he might want to avoid doing that in the future, half of Australia is backing him in the Brownlow.

In fact, it’s the only money I have invested at the moment and I need it to come off or I can kiss that heart operation goodbye.

Richmond (105) v Collingwood (101)

Say what you like about Richmond and Collingwood fans but they are passionate.

I admire that from afar, of course I’d never want to sit near them, that’s why I sit in the members.

Richmond needed this win like breakfast needs bacon. They’ve been so bad this year, I’ve had moments of feeling sorry for Tigers fans, which is a feeling I don’t particularly care for.

Having Brett Deledio in the team makes all the difference for Richmond. I’ve said it before, he’s their best player and they are hopeless without him.

Trent Cotchin also showed what he could do when the teammates around him have a serious go.

Collingwood where decent for most of the game, except for a spell in the second quarter were they rested on an early lead and the Tigers caught up.

It’s a sign of a young side that doesn’t have that ability to be ruthless when it counts, still Pies fans are still pretty happy they’re nowhere near as bad as predicted at the start of the year. Yay!

Brisbane (102) v Port Adelaide (65)

This was my lock of the week. How could the mighty Port lose to the lowly Lions?

It’s still a question I’m pondering.

Port fans tell me this is their worst performance under Hinkley. They also tell me to knock off the tarp jokes, so I’ll keep them under covers for the moment.

The Power seemed weirdly disinterested in this one. They were beaten and beaten comprehensively.

The truth is Port have struggled over the past eighteen months and are not as good as we’ve all believed at times. They’re exciting and they can beat anyone on the day but consistency remains elusive.

It turns out all Brisbane needed was to play Carlton and get a giant inflatable lion to turn their season around.

Finally, they seem to be playing with the intensity and toughness Leppitsch demanded in his first season.

Dayne Beams showed why the Lions moved heaven and earth to get him and Daniel Rich was great to watch. This was a team effort though, everyone did what was asked of them and they simply turned up to work.

Turns out manhandling your employees can work! I was right corporate HR, I was right! See you in court.