Jun 05, 2017

AFL

The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Eleven

25 Comments

Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spreadsheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Port Adelaide (98) v Hawthorn (47)

Port Adelaide were so good on Friday night they didn’t even play the second half and still won comfortably.

The Hawks produced their worst first half ever, or their funniest, it’s all about perspective.

For two-quarters of, well, let’s call it effort, the Hawks produced just three points, while the Power ran all over them.

At halftime, I got up and made a cup of tea and covered more ground than some of the Hawthorn players had.

Everything went wrong for Hawthorn. While the Hawks were on a solitary point, fan favourite Ty Vickery had a shot at goal that he should have converted but didn’t.

I felt for him, after all, he’d just single-handedly doubled Hawthorn's score and still got booed.

What can you say about the Power? They seemed like the greatest side that had ever played in the first half.

Paddy Ryder was so dominant in the ruck that the umpires may have well stopped throwing it up and just handed it to him directly.

The only criticism you could have of Port is that they used the second half as a warm down, not a contest.

At least Hawks fans can take comfort from the fact they'll have a top draft pick this year.

Geelong (96) v Adelaide (74)

Joel Selwood is courageous. We all know that, yet in any other occupation, getting hit in the head that often would raise eyebrows.

I mean, no one at my work called me courageous when I walked into a closed glass door and then did it again just five minutes later.

People called me ‘an idiot’ and ‘that guy who walked into the glass door twice.’ Even my bleeding wasn’t seen as a sign of my competitive spirit, and more another mess of mine everyone else had to clean up.

Imagine Barry in accounts kept having to duck out of a meeting because he was bleeding again?

“Sorry everyone, we have to pause for a moment as Barry’s split himself open again on his notebook. I don’t want to sound callous Barry, but that’s the second time this meeting.”

Crows fans would have been watching Joel Selwood and wondering if any of their players were going to show a similar level of commitment.

Not that you have to go off regularly bleeding to show commitment to something, but winning the ball at the contest a few times would have been a rare treat for the Adelaide faithful.

Not that the Crows were awful, they were more a non-event.

The one downside for Geelong was Tom Hawkins throwing a jumper punch. I can just imagine Chris Scott talking to him after the game.

“What was the one thing I told you not to do?”

“You said not to jumper punch anyone.”

“And what did you do?”

“I jumper punched someone.”

“Exactly. You didn’t see me running around punching people when I played.”

Gold Coast (80) v West Coast (77)

I imagine the response on Perth talkback radio to this was calm and measured.

Probably lots of callers calling for everyone to be patient and not see this as the end of the world.

Although, it was the end of the world. For the Eagles that is.

It’s easy to say, ‘no Josh Kennedy, no Eagles’, but sometimes it’s no Eagles even with Josh Kennedy, so without is just a whole new world of trouble.

A bad day looked like it was turning good for the West Coast when they managed to get in front late in the fourth, mainly due to the fact the Suns are not exactly the most reliable unit going around.

But then Peter Wright marked and goaled with less than two minutes remaining to put the Suns ahead, every Eagles fan turned to the person next to them and said, ‘who’s Peter Wright and why did we let this happen?’

Personally, I think it’s good to see the Eagles inability to win away is being brought to newer stadiums like Gold Coast’s. It nice when the newer clubs get included in traditions.

Suns fans, or as I like to call them, ‘Victorian retirees living on the Gold Coast’, would have been thrilled to have the team back from their global tour. Could this be the beginning of a turnaround at the Suns?

No. But hey, good win.

Josh Kelly (117) v Essendon (101)

I hate when people hype individual players to ludicrous levels. It’s why this column won’t do it about the greatest living footballer and best person on Earth, Josh Kelly.

Kelly had 38 possessions on the weekend, in a performance that will result in even more opinion pieces titled, ‘X club should throw everything at Josh Kelly’.

That’s what I love about the footy media; they don’t let facts get in the way of a good thought piece.

Personally, I think Melbourne should get Nat Fyfe, Josh Kelly and Steven May but I’m also aware of a pesky little thing called ‘reality’.

While the Giants are currently terrifying everyone south of the border, I’m not completely convinced. Essendon wasn't embarrassed here, and the Bombers are a long way from a top four side.

The Giants do have a lot of players to come back and are certainly in the mix but this season has shown a creative flair for proving the collective wisdom wrong.

Essendon fans would have left this game disappointed but happy their club is trending in the right direction. The Bombers just lacked about 20 first round draft picks.

Brendon Goddard celebrated his 300th with a tantrum, flinging a bowl of pretzels on the floor at half time, as Dyson Heppell looked on like a disappointed dad.

In fairness to Goddard, I heard those pretzels were gluten free, so his actions were more than acceptable.

North Melbourne (66) v Richmond (101)

Saturday night saw one of the largest gatherings of frustrated football fans when Kangaroos and Tigers fans gathered to see whose team would let them down.

Richmond fans had steeled themselves for the worst, so of course, the Tigers won comfortably.

Not that it was easy to watch. This game was a symphony of errors.

Eventually, Dustin Martin decided enough was enough and dragged his teammates to victory with 38 possessions and two goals.

Martin is of course on the Kangaroos’ offseason wish list, but then, who isn’t?

While Martin was Richmond’s best, he was also well supported by the North Melbourne Football Club, who seemed to go out of their way to kick to Richmond players.

You know things have gotten bad when Brad Scott is laughing in the box. His level of anger goes; stone-faced, muttering, overacting, bewildered, yelling, then laughing.

Based on this performance, no amount of money in the world would attract Martin to North.

Fremantle (85) v Collingwood (105)

As much as it pains me to write this, the Pies were impressive in this game.

They collected the four points and did it with more injuries than a home renovation.

Jamie Elliot did his ankle, Levi Greenwood had a corked quad, and Tyson Goldsack finished off the game despite a heavily injured shoulder.

Things got so bad that even Daniel Wells got injured, with of all things, a calf injury. You know you’re cursed when Wells is going down injured.

This win means Collingwood have won three games in a row and before that lost to GWS by just 3 points in Sydney. These are worrying times my friends. What if Collingwood are actually good?

It’s a test of my faith that they aren’t, but I’m sticking strong. They’ve got Melbourne next week, and I can’t see Melbourne letting me down.

The Dockers at least showed up this week after the previous week’s atrocity. With Collingwood players dropping like flies, Fremantle should have won this but they consistently stuffed up scoring chances, while also letting the Pies kick goals at crucial times.

There’s a reason they’ve got a percentage of 81.4.

Really, the Dockers were lucky to be in this game at all.

The Pies dominated them for most of the game; it’s only the fact that Collingwood converts less than a bad car salesman that kept Freo around. Buckley needs to give his troops the ‘coffee is for closers’ speech from Glengarry Glen Ross.

Fremantle plays Brisbane next Saturday. I only mention that as a warning. Best not to watch it if you love football.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. My aim is to keep as much of my stuff on this site and available to everyone and not behind paywalls. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus

COMMENTS

Pieman.

Jun 05, 2017

As a Pie supporter, prior to this game, I was on the verge of visiting the dentist to have my two teeth re-inserted. Appointment postponed 'til next Tuesday.

Haz

Jun 05, 2017

Pretty sure that Hawthorn draft pick goes to St Kilda... just to add a little more satisfaction to the Hawks' plight

max

Jun 05, 2017

re I think Melbourne should get Nat Fyfe, Josh Kelly and Steven May - Dees did have Josh Kelly, but they didn't think he was any good and got rid of him, traded his pick out for tyson & salem (or meat tray & steak knives)? whoops.

McBain

Jun 05, 2017

That's the joke

Brad

Jun 05, 2017

Pretty sure that was his point haz.

Trent

Jun 05, 2017

He was clearly being sarcastic...

Warren

Jun 05, 2017

Umm, yep, that was the joke.

Andrew J Taylor

Jun 05, 2017

My microwave has packed it in so Richmond might go close this year! #omenorwhat

KL

Jun 05, 2017

Titus is well aware of that, I can promise you. That's the joke ;-)

Don

Jun 05, 2017

In first to tell HAZ that Titus's draft pick comment was the joke. In fact a recurring joke for Titus, but always enjoyable.

TOMBOTHEHUN

Jun 05, 2017

Looking forward to watching my Lions next Saturday Serg & Titus, well I look forward to sitting with my wife at the back of the Members and watching other sports on the TV.
Should the Hawks hold a fundraiser to send O'Mera to Russia for experimental surgery for knees? Make a great reality show!

Keith

Jun 05, 2017

North v Richmond "a symphony of errors" ....you won't see that on the Tigers supporters page!

John Nicholls

Jun 05, 2017

Mitchell and Lewis for Vickery and O'Meara. These are the trades Mick Shithouse went for at Carlton, setting up well for the future.

Anonymous

Jun 05, 2017

You're not a Pie supporters asshole!

Baz

Jun 05, 2017

Has anyone told haz about the joke yet?

Denis

Jun 05, 2017

If Port Adelaide "...seemed like the greatest side that had ever played in the first half.", what can one say about Simon Beaumont who kicked 8 goals in the first half against Collingwood some years ago.

Kilkenny

Jun 05, 2017

Throws a great right cross..

Captain Sarcastic

Jun 05, 2017

Haz.
Mate.
Brus.

Shhhh.

If I were coach of the roos, and let's face it, who couldn't be, I'd get high in during games too.

Mac Hawk

Jun 05, 2017

Obviously not. He strung two sentences together and even had the comma in the right place.

Mac Hawk

Jun 05, 2017

Your right. But Titus was being sarcastic. Asshole.

Sayitagain

Jun 05, 2017

Pretty sure haz
Port Adelaide were so good on Friday night they didn’t even play....
FACT

Timmy G

Jun 05, 2017

I have never in my days of watching AFL, SANFL & VFL seen such a contrast in Captain's as I did with Geelong v Crows. Tex my boy, you seriously need to sit down and watch Selwood's commitment for the entire game! How the frig do you expect your chargers to put there arses on the line when you're giving away stupid free kicks in front of goals and jumping to a marking contest with 1 arm in the air time and time again! Be a true captain this week Tex and either lead by example or make a captains call and drop yourself back into the SANFL to find some form. We don't need passengers irrespective of your position in the team!

LW

Jun 06, 2017

Just wondering how, in your introduction each week, you get away with having trump and reason in the same sentence!

Steve

Jun 06, 2017

I can't believe you got up to make a cup of tea! Who was it for?

Goffy

Jun 07, 2017

Steve, by "tea" he means "whisky"; by "cup" he means "another bottle".