Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Port Adelaide (69) v Geelong (92)

Does the emperor have no clothes? It certainly seemed like it on Friday night. All the INXS songs in the world can’t hide the fact that Port are really struggling.

Perhaps that’s the problem, the song remains the same for the Power and the rest of the AFL have figured it out.

This was alarming for the Power. It was at home and against a side that is supposedly on the way down while they’re apparently meant to be challenging for a premiership.

On top of that the Cats had injuries during the game they had to cover. So much for this ‘Port Adelaide are the fittest team in the competition.”

The Cats fans have to be pretty happy with the signs in this one. Josh Caddy had 26 disposals and two goals, Cameron Guthrie was great and Mark Blicavs both rucked and gathered possessions like playing in the AFL is not really that hard.

The Cats were also helped by the Power kicking it into their own offensive 50 like they’d had a massive falling out with their own forward line.

Gold Coast (46) v Fremantle (53)

Games like this one are sure to have Queenslanders flocking to future AFL matches. A bit more effort and we’ll have rugby scores.

This really was awful stuff. It’s lucky that I had nothing better to do or I would have gone and done that.

Instead, I sat alone in my room watching this nonsense, cursing Ross Lyon’s game style and the fact this drinking ban seems to be having a positive effect on the Suns.

This was meant to be a walk over for the Dockers ahead of the bye but the Suns decided to not serve up the normal shambolic awfulness they’ve provided this year.

Instead, they put in real effort and were very unlucky to not pinch this one.

Who would have ever guessed that sobriety and effort were the secrets to performing well in an elite sport?

Fremantle looked frustrated all day, like someone who was watching this game.

Every time they tried to get a break they had the Suns there negating them. It never seemed like the Suns would actually win this but they certainly did a good job of dragging the Dockers down to their level and keeping them there.

Nat Fyfe had an off day, which for him is 31 possessions. I wish I had off days as good as that. In fact, I’d like to have an on day at some point in my life.

West Coast (96) v Essendon (46)

Probably the big difference in this one is that one team had a forward line and the other didn’t.

Essendon also made a strategic mistake in this game by appointing James Hird coach in 2010. You never come back from that.

Not having any ruckmen seemed a bit of an issue, which Hird conceded after the game. If only, like everyone else on Earth, he’d realised that before the game.

The Eagles midfield enjoyed the first use of the ball and they especially enjoyed having a bunch of forwards who could use the constant supply they provided.

Mark LeCras had four, Josh Kennedy three and Jack Darling was welcomed back with two.

One thing this game highlighted again is how much pointing players on losing sides do. There is always furious pointing after a miss at goal or after conceding one.

It’s like they’re hoping people won’t notice their individual terribleness within the team.

Like they want us to see them pointing at someone for a teammate to mark and say, “well that guy is at least showing some leadership, he’s pointing.”

Usually I just think, ‘that’s the guy that just stuffed up’.

North Melbourne (75) v Sydney (91)

This was a fun game to watch despite being deprived of Brad Scott’s facial expressions. They would have got an Olympic-like workout during this one.

There was a fair bit of niggle and North’s players led by Brent Harvey seemed to get a fair bit of enjoyment going after Buddy Franklin.

At one point you could see Franklin considering putting an end to the whole thing by just buying North Melbourne. He obviously decided putting a whole week’s pay towards it was not worth it.

Franklin responded with four goals and Adam Goodes showed he’s not quite finished despite the naysayers.

For North, this was a performance that sums them up, good but not quite up with the top few teams.

They still have too many key players that don’t perform when it matters.

For example, we’re now surely reaching the point where we have to declare that the highlight of Jarrad Waite's career was probably being an extra on WAG Nation.

Collingwood (119) v Greater Western Sydney (77)

This is just further proof that the Northern Football Academies are killing Victorian teams. No wait, what?

The worst thing about this is Collingwood are passing each test set for them.

First they didn’t suck and then they prove they can beat a top eight side too. It’s really getting out of hand. What’s next? Finals? This is not going well for the rest of us.

The Giants were meant to win this. I mean, the AFL haven’t compromised several years of drafting for a bunch of also rans. Yet here were Collingwood taking it to them.

At a few points it actually looked like it would be the Giants running away with this one. Dylan Shiel showed why GWS were so keen to re-sign him when he just took control of the midfield in the second quarter.

In fairness, GWS had a bunch of injuries during the second half of the game that didn’t help but isn’t that something the AFL should have planned for? Some sort of injection program should help with that. I know a guy.

Taylor Adams was impressive with 36 possessions, while Travis Cloke kicked both straight and five goals. That has to make Demons fans feel a bit better; it wasn’t a one off after all.

St Kilda (85) v Melbourne (83)

It’s actually very hard to lose a game like this, yet Melbourne made it look so easy in the last 41 seconds of the game. Only years of practice make something like that seem effortless.

The result means Melbourne have now not won at Etihad Stadium since 1883, when the site was a sheep paddock and the surface was much better.

The skill level in this one was appalling from both sides. You could have travelled to a foreign country that hadn’t heard of AFL and given some random people footballs and the skill level would be similar.

For Melbourne, there were some points of hope, Jesse Hogan kicked five and Nathan Jones and Bernie Vince were both outstanding while Angus Brayshaw still stood out.

St Kilda were well served by their captain Nick Riewoldt who had four goals, while dwarf employment opportunity advocate Leigh Montagna was vital

In the final quarter both side attempted to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat only to find the challenge took far too much hand/eye co-ordination.

Jeremy Howe managed to bob up and kick a very late goal that seemed to have the Dees on track for a victory.

You’d think with 41 seconds left Melbourne would put pretty much everyone back but that’s why you couldn’t have lost this one.

Instead, the Saints won the centre bounce and Montagna then managed to kick a goal with 19 seconds left.

It was a horrible loss for the Dees but importantly; it was ‘on-brand’ as awful marketing people say.