Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Carlton (109) v North Melbourne (86)

Sometimes in life, bad things happen to Brad Scott. Actually, with alarming frequency.

Like losing to Carlton in this insipid display.

I read in a few different places that this was an ‘upset’. Really? Not to anyone familiar with the Kangaroos’ work these past few years.

There have been a lot of reasons put forward for the Shinboners fluctuating form, a lack of another key forward, global warming or an allergy to hard work.

The good news for North fans is that Brad Scott again said he has no idea how to fix things.

Brad’s biography will be called ‘Still Searching for Answers.’

Carlton is a lot like Richmond at the moment. Delivering wins when it doesn’t matter. It’s like they are both setting out to annoy their fans.

“Just think, we could have been doing this all year!”

Mick’s post-game interview showed his media charm offensive is to be hidden under a thick layer of anger and disdain.

I may be paraphrasing, but he pretty much admitted to murdering someone after the game.

We may need a buddy system in place for journalists entering the next Mick media conference.

St Kilda (118) v Fremantle (60)

Sometimes football surprises you and then there was this game. This game bent the fabric of space-time.

We will never understand why this happened.

Maybe it was the Higgs boson. That’s a thing right?

St Kilda not only looked like an AFL football team for the first time in months, they looked like an interested and skillful AFL team.

Lenny Hayes may need to retire every week if this is what happens.

Revenge against Ross Lyon must have been pretty sweet for Saints fans, especially the rare opportunity to see him not smiling.

Fremantle had a few outs but they were smashed in every part of the game, so that’s no excuse.

It was almost like Colin Sylvia said ‘follow my lead boys’ at the start of the game and everyone did.

Ross Lyon must wonder if Sylvia’s seven disposals were made up for by all those drink cards he brought with him.

I hear a second suitcase was needed.

Fremantle would want this to be a one off or Ross will be negotiating with a new club before you can say ‘Gold Coast.’

Greater Western Sydney (87) v Geelong (94)

Is Geelong the best bad team to sit at three on the ladder this late in the season?

The Cats seem to keep winning despite being pretty unconvincing, which is a good problem to have really.

Joel Selwood had 39 disposals in a master class. It was an intimate master class though, with just 7,697 people in attendance.

Apparently, the crowd was small due to the game clashing with a repeat of ‘The Bodyguard’ on television.

Number one draft pick Tom Boyd was very impressive, which is great news isn’t it? Just what the Giants need, another key forward.

Port Adelaide (72) v Melbourne (69)

Another good game shock in this split round, with the Demons turning around recent poor form and showing they are improving.

This game was riddled with errors and Port seems to be well down on their early season form.

Melbourne seemed in danger of being routed early on, but where Mark Neeld’s game plan called for ‘panicked surrender’, Paul Roos’ takes the strange approach of ‘keep trying.’

Turns out the Roos approach works better, but I guess you have to try both to find that out, right?

While it would be tempting for Demons fans to blame some umpiring decision for the loss, realistically, some skill errors and poor decisions cost the Demons victory. The Power had that bit more class.

Jack Grimes showed again that his disposal seems to give away more goals than he saves.

Western Bulldogs (94) v Essendon (101)

Essendon fans reacted to this win and the dominant performance by Jake Carlisle, like this was a finals victory.

Beating the (recently improved) Bulldogs, however is hardly beating the Hawks or Swans.

Likewise, Carlisle’s recent superstar games have come against Collingwood and the Bulldogs, hardly dominant defences.

That all said, Jake and Essendon have been very impressive, however, we just need to see them against a top team.

Luckily, they play Sydney at the SCG this week in what should be the real test.

The good news for the Bombers is that they’ve had a week’s rest and James Hird isn’t returning this season.

The Bulldogs, it must be said, are showing they’re on the right track, something you couldn’t say early in the season.

West Coast (42) v Richmond (59)

Oh Richmond. What have your fans ever done to you, but support you?

Ok, there was that spitting incident and the time they dumped manure on your doorstep.

Yet, these things seemed positively restrained after all you’ve done to them.

After torturing (this is the correct word) your fans early in the season, now you rattle off four wins in a row?

When it doesn’t matter? And in Perth?

It’s inhumane.

This game was marked by two events; the first was Ty Vickery’s knock out punch of Dean Cox and the second the climatic conditions.

Vickery surprised many by actually having the coordination to clock Cox, but it was no laughing matter as Cox was out cold before he hit the ground.

It was a cowardly act that deserves a lengthy stint on the sidelines.

The game was played in heavy rain for large parts and, boy, didn’t the Channel Seven commentary team let us know about it.

Like Bedouin children who had never seen rain before, Bruce, Dennis and Wayne mentioned the rain with awe-like wonder every two seconds and provided insights like ‘this will make the ball slippery.’

For the Eagles, who arguably had a chance at finals with a win, this was a disheartening display. They are a long way away.

This was Richmond after all. Richmond.

Brisbane (110) v Gold Coast (56)

Isn’t Q-Clash exciting?

Oh, it’s what marketing people call games between the Suns and Lions. The Q stands for ‘Queensland’ I believe. Yes, it is silly, isn’t it?

I would have called it the ‘Bragging rights for expat Victorians Clash.’ Yes, it is probably a bit long.

You know your team is playing badly when the commentators spend the first half reading out your stats and laughing.

Brisbane smashed the Suns like it was personal. Of course, while the Lions looked great, the Suns looked like a bunch of people who were being forced to play against their will.

More than Gary’s shoulder broke in that Brent Macaffer tackle, the Suns collective interest in football broke too.

The Suns were so bad, their opponents put up video game type statistics.

Pearce Hanley had 45 possessions and two goals, Dayne Zorko had 30 possessions and two goals and Tom Rockliff had 46 touches and 11 clearances.

That’s not good.

Hawthorn (104) v Sydney (94)

This is why we love AFL.

The top two sides, on a Saturday night at the MCG delivering a brilliant game.

Having Brian Taylor call this was probably the only negative I could find.

The Swans came into this with a twelve game winning streak and the former Hawthorn star, Buddy Franklin.

It was such a good matchup, that people actually went to the game!

The Hawks looked gone in the third, trailing by 23 points in the third quarter.

It looked like the Swans were going to run over the top and I was questioning that second cup of tea I’d just made.

To Hawthorn’s credit, they steadied and then outran the bigger Swans.

Jarryd Roughead was impressive with four goals and Hawthorn showed with their stars all back from injury, they are the ones to beat this season.

Collingwood (82) v Adelaide (98)

I’m not a fan of the 4.40 Sunday afternoon slot, but watching Eddie McGuire having to front his Sunday Foxtel show moments after the Pies lost, make me think it’s almost worth it.

Eddie was so angry that you could feel it coming through the television.

I don’t know who he was so angry with. After all, he made the move to Buckley.

I was half expecting Eddie to call Adelaide's 'Cost of Quince Paste Allowance' a disgrace.

Collingwood had finals to play for and based on this game, the only people they’ll be bothering in September, is other patrons in a Bali nightclub.

They’ve lost five of their last six games and if I was Nathan Buckley, I’d change Eddie’s name in my phone to ‘Danger Do Not answer.’

Adelaide continues to improve and are now in the eight, with their destiny in their own hands.

Who would have thought that a few months ago?

Just on TV coverage, the fact the AFL had no games on free-to-air on Sunday in Melbourne, while the NRL did, shows they really have lost the plot in a way that would usually require the involvement of George Lucas.