Missing the finals is depressing. It leaves September free for others to fill it with trivial events such as your kids’ birthday parties and housewarmings you don’t want to go to.

I have even heard of a baby shower where blokes were expected to attend. I know, awful for everyone.

Staying positive can be hard and most of the media and that well meaning but slightly odd bloke Denis at your work, focus on the negative.

Not here, though. Here are the things fans of the teams that missed the finals can be grateful for. Say these as daily affirmations over summer as you attend that one-year-old’s birthday for that couple your partner used to care about ten years ago.

St Kilda

• We may not win but we no longer have to watch Ross Lyon style football.

• You don’t even need a visa to go to New Zealand! So convenient for loyal fans paying for their memberships year-in-year-out.

• I’m actually looking forward to three-years of sheep jokes from my close mates. Thanks guys!

Carlton

• We’ve gone from Brett Ratten to Mick Malthouse. That’s like someone replacing your second-hand Toyota Avalon with an Aston Martin Vanquish.

• We may be lucky enough to get Travis Cloke or alternatively, lucky enough not to get Travis Cloke. That’s what’s known as a win-win situation.

• Hey, I just remembered Brett Ratten isn’t our coach anymore!

Essendon

• Matthew Knights is no longer our coach

• Our medical staff got a lot of practice this year. What a terrific learning experience.

• Apparently legal action between the club and Dean ”The Weapon” Robinson is going to be avoided. That’s good isn’t it? Sure it is.

Richmond

• We’re definitely going to make the eight next year. No really, we are. Why are you laughing?

• We have the best song in the competition. This counts for something doesn’t it?

• While in another rebuilding phase, we are not in Melbourne’s rebuilding phase.

Brisbane

• Every day that passes brings us closer to the end of the Voss era.

• All that really matters is beating the Suns each year. So much history. So much prestige.

• Simon Black re-signed. That means no watching him run around in a Carlton uniform.

Port Adelaide

• Surely our board is too smart to not actually hire Ratten. Right guys? Guys? Hello?

• We will get Rodney Eade, we will get Rodney Eade, we will get Rodney Eade. Oh for the love of god give us Rodney Eade.

• I’m still not a Crows supporter.

Western Bulldogs

• As bulldogs supporters we really know how to handle being this bad.

• Will Minson will likely re-sign with the club instead of testing free agency. Good old, leg-stomping, mother insulting Will Minson.

• There are actual, good cafés opening in the Western suburbs. It’s amazing.

Melbourne

• Thank god that season is over.

• What a great ski season that was. Let’s hope next year is as good.

• Being rich is amazing. There are rooms in my house I’ve never laid eyes on.

Gold Coast

• We got the good rugby league recruit.

• I can’t wait to play Richmond next year. This time I’m going to watch it.

• That number nine for us seems to be really good. He must be one of the high draft picks we got.

GWS

• Almost half the players on our list have now started shaving.

• A family who lives in the Western suburbs and isn’t related to a player bought memberships for next year.

• Tom Scully’s dad is really enjoying his job. He even came into the office once.