Telemarketer: Is this Michael Malthouse?

Mick Malthouse: Speaking.

Telemarketer: How are you today sir!

Malthouse: I’m bitterly disappointed to be honest.

Telemarketer: Sir, can I interest you…. I’m sorry to hear that. Is it by any chance something to do with your current electricity provider?

Malthouse: It’s just disappointing you know? I could work with Greg. He was a great CEO.

Telemarketer: I’m sorry sir, is Greg your account manager with your electricity provider?

Malthouse: To be honest with you, I wouldn’t be at Carlton if it weren’t for Greg. I just liked the guy to be honest. I even had a joke with him about the extra ‘n’ in his surname.

I’d say ‘your parents must have been rich to afford the second N’ and we’d have a good laugh.

There are not too many people I have in jokes with. There’s Daisy I guess. There’s always Daisy.

Telemarketing: Sorry sir, I don’t know what you’re referring to at all. I was hoping to speak to you about moving energy providers.

Malthouse: Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you? You’re just like Eddie. ‘Time to move on. Good of the club.’ I’ve heard it all. Listen here mate, I am not moving.

I’ve got a contract and if you think you’re going to put me up at some media conference and make me pretend to be happy about this, you’ve got another thing coming.

Telemarketing: Sir, I might just hang up now.

Malthouse: No don’t do that. Are you interested in having a chat about WW2 history?