Ahead of Friday night's blockbuster against the Pies, Carlton coach Mick Malthouse sits down with the media.

Journalist #1: Mick, big game this week against Collingwood….

Mick: Of course it’s a big game. I don’t need to you to tell me that. Everyone knows it’s a big game.

Journalist #1: I was going to say, is it even bigger due to the poor start to the season?

Mick: What poor start to the season?

Journalist #1: Mick you started with 4 losses, including to Melbourne, which is like losing the bye.

Mick: Well that’s all your fault, you media people. You may say it’s a bad start but it’s the process.

I’ve coached for 47 years now. I’ve got in the finals every year.

Journalist #2: You said you took responsibility for the bad start.

Mick: I do. It’s the bad start you guys created. I’ve taken responsibility for something you guys did. Do you thank me? No. I even bought you muffins recently.

Journalist #3: Hang on. You say we caused the bad start but that there also wasn’t a bad start?

Mick: Clever aren’t you? You don’t know what it’s like to be a senior coach in the AFL. To have in your charge, over 40 young men.

I’m out working in the field every day, ploughing it. I’ve got oxen slowly running everywhere. It’s chaos.

Meanwhile, you all sit in little cubicles making words on your story writing machines.

Journalist #4: Mick, obviously a big game for Daisy up against his old team.

Mick: No it’s not. Only because you guys are stalking the gate, trying to make it to be the angle of the week. It doesn’t matter to me or him.

Journalist #5: Are we stalking the gate that keeps the Oxen in?

Mick: This is over.