After the sacking of Brenton Sanderson, Mark Ricciuto rang his best mate Simon Goodwin for a chat.

Simon Goodwin: G’day mate. What’s up?

Mark Ricciuto: Got some big news mate.

Goodwin: Hird’s been sacked? You were just a few years off after all.

Ricciuto: Nah! And that was true until it wasn’t. We sacked Sanderson.

Goodwin: You did what?

Ricciuto: We got rid of him. Sometimes you’ve got to make tough choices that cost you $1.2 million. Everyone knows that.

Goodwin: So have you got someone? Ross Lyon is it? He’s due to move.

Ricciuto: Nah mate, it’s you! Everything has fallen into place. It couldn’t have worked out more perfectly. Except for the leaking this afternoon. Turns out coaches aren’t exactly thrilled when they get sacked.

Goodwin: This is a bit awkward Roo. I’ve already committed to another club as an assistant coach.

Ricciuto: Who is it? Brisbane?

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Carlton

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Collingwood

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Fremantle

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Geelong

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Gold Coast

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: GWS

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Hawthorn

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: North Melbourne

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Port Adelaide

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Richmond

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: St Kilda

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Sydney

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: West Coast

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Bulldogs

Goodwin: No.

Ricciuto: Melbourne? You’re choosing Melbourne over us? The Melbourne Football Club? The New York Yankees of the bloody AFL!

Goodwin: It’s a five year deal! And I can learn from Roos before taking the reins.

Ricciuto: But it’s Melbourne! Oh dear. This is bad. Really bad. Where are we going to find a bloody coach now! The only person ringing me since the announcement is Terry Wallace.

Goodwin: You must have other candidates.

Ricciuto: Oh yeah! I just have a whole shortlist of candidates ready when I sack my senior coach! What are we going to do? This is going to be a train wreck.

Goodwin: Just pretend you’ve always planned for a nationwide search.

Ricciuto: That’s it! I’d better run. Good luck shaving ten years off your lifespan at Melbourne.