Australia, why you hating on KT?

KT is about love not hate. And right now KT really loves Sydney.

I’ve wanted to respond to the criticism I’ve received for a while but the Swans’ media guy said the idea of me writing my own column was ‘both terrifying and hilarious at the same time.’ He also said something about he doubted it was possible.

Well I’ll show him.

My decision to choose Sydney was based on my wanting to be nearer to home.

Last time I checked, Sydney is closer to the Gold Coast than Adelaide. I did check however on Apple Maps, so I’m not totally confident

Then everyone got on my case for letting my teammates know about me leaving the Crows by SMS. What’s wrong with that? I’ve ended about a hundred relationships by text.

On top of that, I didn’t even write it! I got a my agent to write the bloody thing.

Don’t believe me? Here it is:

“Boys, this morning, I have told the club that I won’t be renewing my contract for 2013.

“Making my decision has been one of the toughest processes I have ever been through.

“I have asked the club to shoot through an email to you all but in case it doesn’t get through I want to thank you for your support and friendship over the past six years.

“Have absolutely loved playing alongside you all.

“You are all friends for life! I’ll be in touch. Love KT.”

I wrote the ‘boys’ bit at the start and the ‘Love KT’ at the end. Pretty good, right? Apart from that, do you really think I would write the rest?

I really like the bit about it being ‘one of the toughest processes’ It makes me sound really smart using the word ‘processes’ when it’s not really necessary. I mean, why not say decision? English already had a perfectly good word! Go English! My agent talks like that all the time though, it’s like he’s at war with the language.

None of my former teammates complained about being told by text. In fact here are some of their responses to prove it:

Patrick Dangerfield: Are you serious?

Scott Thompson: Processes?

Ben Rutten: You didn’t write this did you?

Sam Jacobs: Shattered you’re going but considering it’s to go back home to the Gold Coast, it’s ok with me.

Taylor Walker: Who is this? How did you get this number?

Jared Petrenko: I can’t believe you’re telling me by text. That’s really poor form. You better hope this doesn’t leak to the media.

See? Nothing to worry about there. I really should text them back, huh?

Lastly, I want to address the so-called “gentleman’s agreement” chairman Rob Chapman is so keen to shoot down. I love it being called a ‘gentlemen’s agreement’. So masculine and archaic at the same time. It sounds like something that once broken should be settled by a duel at dawn.

The deal was that I wanted to be able to go back home and that the Crows said they would assist. Now the fact I’m not going straight home is really a technicality.

Who hasn’t said they’re on the way home when they’ve really just bought a round and need to hang around to finish it? Being vague about when you get home is pretty much expected in Australian society. Think of the Sydney trip as me just popping in to the pub on the way home to Brisbane.

This deal was made at West Lakes and confirmed with a handshake. West Lakes! It doesn’t get more sacred than that. It’s a suburb made by Delfin with its own island in the middle of the lake, called Delfin Island.

If the Crows don’t want to honour a handshake made on Delfin land then it is very poor form and a sad day for the inhabitants of Delfin Island.

Anyway, I’m sure it can all be sorted out. I’m very keen to get to the Swans. The city has a huge bridge over the harbour. It’s massive! I can’t wait to soak up all the art and culture Sydney has to offer, like that nightclub with a pool. John Longmire also said he’d tell me why he’s called horse. I bet he’s mad into horse racing or something.

To everyone in Adelaide, I just want to wish them the best and I promise, when I win a premiership at Sydney I’ll come back and show you all my medal.

Love KT