Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

You want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

ADELAIDE

In: Not Bryce Gibbs.

Out: Jarryd Lyons

DRAFT PICKS: 13, 43, 53, 67, 89, 107, 125, 143

Like my love life, things seemed really promising early on but ended in disappointment and bitterness for all involved.

Depending on how you read it, the Crows either missed an essential opportunity to land a top midfielder or were smart not to mortgage the farm for one player.

In the end, the price was just too high and while some make out this was a missed opportunity, the trade period is as much about not paying too much as getting players at any cost.

Sometimes man buns are a cost not worth considering.

BRISBANE

In: Jack Frost

Out: Pearce Hanley

DRAFT PICKS: 3, 16, 21, 22, 76, 78, 96, 114, 132

Not having everyone leave is a win for the Lions and those draft picks over the next two years look pretty nice for a club that needs to begin again, again.

Shipping Pearce Hanley to the Suns was a bold move. Imagine if he’s the reason you lost the Q Clash? Oh, that’s right, not even Queenslanders care about the Q Clash.

Tom Rockliff, remains a Lion after no one else wanted him. I know that feeling Tom. I call it ‘every Saturday night’.

CARLTON

In: Billie Smedts, Caleb Marchbank, Jarrod Pickett, Rhys Palmer

Out: Zach Tuohy

DRAFT PICKS: 5, 25, 48, 63, 66, 70, 81, 99, 117,

I can’t believe Bryce Gibbs has to stay at Carlton just because he willingly signed a legally binding contract.

It means he will be playing against his will at Carlton. The Blues are used to that, under Malthouse it was the entire team except for Daisy. At least this will be just one player.

Not releasing Gibbs was smart. Clubs need to start enforcing contracts, or they become more worthless than a politician’s promise.

The Blues continue their drive to become the GWS’ reserve team, with three more players coming in.

The Giants must view Carlton like most people see the Salvos, somewhere to drop off things you don’t want or need.

Carlton also enabled Hawthorn to get Jaeger O’Meara through a draft pick swap. We didn’t need another reason to hate the Blues, but hey, they gave us one anyway.

COLLINGWOOD

In: Will Hoskin-Elliott, Daniel Wells, Chris Mayne, Lynden Dunn

Out: Travis Cloke, Jarrod Witts, Marley Williams, Jack Frost

DRAFT PICKS: 28, 44, 51, 62, 65, 83, 101, 105

Chris Mayne AND Daniel Wells. What a bounty this offseason has been for Collingwood. Going older is a strategy that worked so well for North Melbourne, so why not try it here?

Collingwood were up against it with their defence walking out on them. They lost Marley Williams for effectively nothing. Sad, considering all that trouble they put into keeping him out of jail.

The Pies though are clever and plugged their defence with a move that break the premiership race wide open. Yes, they got Lynden Dunn from the Casey Scorpions.

They say defence wins premierships, so I like what’s happening at Collingwood.

The Pies did manage to land Will Hoskin-Elliott from GWS. It’s another player who has struggled elsewhere but Collingwood act like they’ve pulled off a massive coup. He is currently skinnier than Cale Morton, so there’s a bit of work needed there.

Apparently, this off-season was all about putting the Pies in the best position for some father-son picks. It’s a nice story I guess.

ESSENDON

In: James Stewart

Out: Michael Hibberd

DRAFT PICKS: 1, 20, 29, 41, 68, 95, 113, 131

Essendon are just looking for stability and future growth and nothing happened here to hurt that.

Losing Michael Hibberd wasn’t ideal but was hardly a disaster either.

Those draft picks look very nice, plus they are getting back those completely innocent drug cheats next season.

They landed James Stewart, who they announced as part of their ‘Comeback Story’.

I suppose it is if coming back from repeatedly shooting yourself in the foot is a comeback story.

FREMANTLE

In: Brad Hill, Cam McCarthy, Joel Hamling, Shane Kersten

Out: Chris Mayne

DRAFT PICKS: 7, 35, 40, 71, 79, 97, 115, 133

Disappointingly, the Dockers got stuck with Hayden Ballantyne, after finding out no one else wants him.

Fremantle finally got Cam McCarthy, which is nice, as they were looking at going into next season without a forward.

They also got Shane Kersten. So they now have two young, tall forwards who can enjoy playing in Ross Lyon’s high scoring system.

They also got Brad Hill, who got sick of playing for a coach who can win premierships.

People have been praising these moves as getting Fremantle back on track. I’m not sure what those people are smoking, but it can’t be legal.

GEELONG

In: Zach Tuohy, Aaron Black

Out: Josh Caddy, Billie Smedts, Shane Kersten, Nathan Vardy

DRAFT PICKS: 24, 38, 42, 64, 72, 74, 91, 110, 128, 146

After being big winners last year, the Cats seemed hamstrung this year due to a range of factors, especially cap pressure.

They got Zach Tuohy but in the process ensured they are out of the first round in 2017.

Losing both Josh Caddy and Billie Smedts was a shame. After all, these were the two who burgled a teammates house as a prank, in full balaclavas.

The only problem was they got the wrong house, and the lady inside rang the cops who bailed the two up at gun point.

So while losing these two isn’t great, Geelong’s average IQ just went up a fair bit.

GOLD COAST

In: Pearce Hanley, Jarrod Witts, Jarryd Lyons

Out: Dion Prestia, Jaeger O’Meara

DRAFT PICKS: 4, 6, 8, 10, 73, 98, 116, 134

Poor Pearce Hanley. Leaves Ireland to give AFL a try. Goes to the Lions and now the Suns.

The Irish Government should make a formal complaint to the Australian Government about the treatment of their citizen. This is the story the government could tell refugees to stop them coming.

The Suns lost Dion Prestia and Jaeger O’Meara, who both decided that life is too short to work with Rodney Eade. So much, so that playing at Richmond seemed a better offer for young Dion.

It’s hard to know how big a loss O’Meara is. He hasn’t played for so long that losing him could be no problem at all. Another injury and the Suns are suddenly huge winners.

Look at these draft picks; 4, 6, 8, 10. That’s amazing.

That gives them a chance to build a great team. The same opportunity they had when the AFL gave them a bunch of draft picks when they entered the competition.

That went really well.

GWS GIANTS

In: Brett Deledio

Out: Jack Steele, Caleb Marchbank, Jarrod Pickett, Rhys Palmer, James Stewart, Cam McCarthy, Pat McKenna, Paul Ahern

DRAFT PICKS: 2, 15, 37, 39, 45, 52, 55, 57, 58, 59, 60, 77, 109, 127, 135, 145

Brett Deledio nominated ‘anywhere but Richmond’ as his preferred destination, so going to a club on the verge of a premiership will do nicely.

He can’t teach them anything about winning in September but he can make them appreciate not being coached by Damien Hardwick.

So one big in and then the Giants dropped some recycling off at the Visy centre again.

HAWTHORN

In: Ty Vickery, Tom Mitchell, Jaeger O’Meara

Out: Sam Mitchell, Jordan Lewis, Brad Hill

DRAFT PICKS: 88, 90, 108, 126

Don’t let the constant success, premierships, financial stability and record membership fool you; Hawthorn have no idea how to run a footy club.

At least, that was the general reaction to their offseason.

Hawthorn fans right now are just repeating over and over: “Clarko knows what he’s doing.”

Off-loading stars Sam Mitchell and Jordan Lewis for pocket lint seemed slightly odd, but Clarkson wouldn’t be the first man to jettison someone in their thirties for someone younger.

This seems a high-risk strategy. Landing O’Meara was a close run thing, and on top of that, he’s barely played in two years. It could all workout, but he’s been as reliable as Telstra’s network in recent times.

Even if we accept Mitchell and Lewis were nearing the end, they got little for them and the picks they gave away show the Hawks aren’t planning to use the draft to stay up top.

The Hawks seem to have as much interest in their draft picks as I have for the salad that comes with my chicken parma.

They gave a lot of them away to St Kilda, which makes me wonder, is Clarko off to the Saints?

Apparently, this is all part of some big strategy to attack next year’s free agency period. That sounds like something Collingwood would usually say.

MELBOURNE

In: Michael Hibberd, Jordan Lewis, Pat McKenna

Out: Lynden Dunn

DRAFT PICKS: 47, 69, 84, 102, 120

Demons fans still can’t believe Jordan Lewis has fallen into their laps, so much so it has overshadowed the huge news of them signing Pat McKenna.

It’s a long contract for someone that Hawthorn fans are suddenly saying is on the decline but the Dees need someone with his experience out there, and this is a big win for them.

Add to that Michael Hibberd who isn’t a drug cheat because he plays for my team now, and the Demons made some handy additions to a team that should improve next year.

NORTH MELBOURNE

In: Paul Ahern, Nathan Hrovat, Marley Williams

Out: Daniel Wells, Aaron Black

DRAFT PICKS: 11, 32, 33, 87, 92, 123, 141

The Kangaroos smooth way of handling players had Daniel Wells heading for the exits faster than I’d seen him move in the past few years. See, those delistings did motivate at least one player.

Getting Marley Williams for nothing is worth it for the wonderful culture boost he will bring.

Paul Ahern joins them from GWS, where he had an injury-plagued start to his career.

If there’s one thing North fans know they need, it’s more injury prone players.

PORT ADELAIDE

In: Nil.

Out: Nil.

DRAFT PICKS: 14, 17, 30, 31, 85, 103, 121, 139

Has anyone heard from Port Adelaide recently? I’m starting to worry about them.

Actually, has anyone heard of them since 2014?

The only logical reason for no movement to speak of was they were all in China while the trade period was on.

RICHMOND

In: Josh Caddy, Dion Prestia, Toby Nankervis

Out: Brett Deledio, Ty Vickery

DRAFT PICKS: 27, 56, 82, 100, 118, 136

So, Caddy, Prestia and Nankervis are the new deckchairs on the Titanic.

Prestia said he was impressed by the Tigers’ list, coach Damien Hardwick and their chances of playing finals.

Is there so little AFL coverage on the Gold Coast that he could be that misinformed?

I guess we all say nice things about our work just to keep them paying us.

Caddy was the surprise one. Geelong gave him up for pick 24. Finally, the Tigers win something.

ST KILDA

In: Jack Steele, Nathan Brown, Koby Stevens

Out: Nil.

DRAFT PICKS: 23, 36, 61, 86, 104, 122, 140

Some are saying the Saints were the big winners and it certainly felt like that when Hawthorn just decided to make them an offer they couldn’t refuse.

The Hawks swapped picks 23, 36 and their first pick in next year’s draft for picks 10 and 68.

Hawthorn used pick 10 to land O’Meara, but it’s a hell of a price to pay.

They drug test list managers right?

It may be the first time the Saints have ever had good luck in their history.

SYDNEY

In: Nil.

Out: Tom Mitchell, Toby Nankervis

DRAFT PICKS: 19, 46, 49, 93, 111, 129, 147

The Swans couldn’t keep Tom Mitchell because ‘you can’t have everyone’ apparently.

At least they got to dump him off to perpetual losers Hawthorn, so he won’t be back to haunt them.

Apart from that, they were pretty quiet, this time it was more to do with the fact that they are looking to retain the young players they’ve got.

It’s expensive up there, just ask Xavier Richards.

WEST COAST

In: Sam Mitchell, Nathan Vardy

Out: Nil.

DRAFT PICKS: 12, 34, 54, 106, 124, 142

So both Dennis Cometti and Sam Mitchell have both headed west to retire.

It’s surprising that anyone wanted Mitchell, as Wayne Carey had said he wouldn’t get a game anywhere but Hawthorn.

It’s a handy pick up, to say the least, especially for pick 88, which is worth less than a West Coast Cooler.

Nathan Vardy also heads off to one of the most remote cities in the world, after playing in what feels like one of the most remote cities in the world.

Vardy could barely function in the VFL, so this was a move that showed how much the Eagles are worried about Naitanui going down again.

WESTERN BULLDOGS

In: Travis Cloke

Out: Nathan Hrovat, Joel Hamling, Koby Stevens

DRAFT PICKS: 18, 26, 50, 75, 80, 112, 130, 148

I think the Bulldogs list is good enough to win a premiership, I really do.

Losing Horvat is unhelpful, though. I suppose there’s no reasoning with someone who wants to go to play for Brad Scott.

The Bulldogs went after Deledio for a bit, but he decided to chase a premiership with the Giants.

In perhaps the strangest move, the Bulldogs made good on their threat to get Travis Cloke.

It makes little sense but then, who though Tom Boyd would bring a premiership to the Bulldogs? Not even Boyd did for most of the last season.

I saw an article already about Cloke working on fixing his goal kicking. I wish I had a dollar for every time one of those had been written.

Perhaps Bevo could give him a medal every time he kicks a goal?