Can I be honest with you? I think I can because you’re not the Australian Sports Anti-Doping Authority (ASADA).

I am so over this drug scandal.

It’s never really fun to be probed. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say it’s never fun to be probed by a government statutory authority.

If you’d asked me a few months ago what ASADA was, I would have guessed a Swedish sofa manufacturer.

I wish they were. Everyone loves a well designed sofa. Especially those ones that have a bit on one seat that you can lie on. I saw a great sofa once that had armrests that lifted up and revealed a fridge and a place to put your remotes. Now that’s something people could get around. Someone showing up at the club announced to tell you about that would probably be welcomed, even make a few sales. Especially the way these young footballers spend money.

Turns out instead that ASADA’s mission is ‘to protect Australia’s sporting integrity through the elimination of doping’ and not ‘provide high quality Scandinavian styled comfort’.

I think the world is a lesser place because of this.

You see, it turns out we may or may not have been using some substances that are not exactly supported in the sporting world.

I’ve worried about this before. Last year, I wrote to Dean Robinson about how unhappy I was with his performance.

Sure, most of my feedback was about how ridiculous it was for a grown man to refer to himself as ‘The Weapon’. I mean he gave himself that nickname! C’mon!

Now we’re being accused of not being thorough enough in our background checks and I suppose that’s fair given Robinson was once a Rodeo Clown. He really was! I know.

It’s fair to say we may have dropped the ball when it came to this and that other bloke Dank.

But who can be bothered with reference checks anyway? People just write down people who are going to give them a good one. You’re not going to put down someone who would say, ‘I’m pretty sure he ran a borderline illegal drug program at his previous club.’

If I remember correctly someone looked him up on Linkedin, which is considered pretty thorough these days.

Anyway, I just can’t wait for this to be all over. It’s not like anything we did worked.

In individual sports, it seems doping is a big success but not in team sports, I mean the Bombers and Cronulla?

Salary cap cheating seems to be a better approach, look at the Storm and Carlton. At least you win Premierships.

What you don’t want to do is tank. Even if you’re found not guilty you still get whacked.

Anyway, I think its time for the Swedish sofa sellers to put up or shut up. This has gone on longer than the TV show Lost and has been almost as confusing.

Thanks anyway to all the Bomber fans for their support. This has been a tough time but it has really help our membership sales.

Talk soon; off to see a new accountant, bloke named Brian Waldron – don’t worry I’ve looked him up on Linkedin. Seems straight forward.

James Hird