Following what he describes as a ‘highly successful’ stint coaching from the boundary, James Hird says he’ll coach this week from a bunker.

Describing the decision as a ‘strategic move to consolidate Essendon’s position on the ladder’ and ‘definitely not a retreat’, Hird said he needed to centralise lines of communications and avoid all the negative vibes.

“There’s no better position to appreciate the whole game than from a bunker twenty meters underground in an undisclosed location.”

“Fans can rest assured that I’ll be in constant contact with Mark Neeld at all times. As you know, he’s won five AFL games as a senior AFL coach himself and has won numerous premierships with Ocean Grove Football Club.

“Between the two of us everything should be fine.”

The bunker will be fitted out with state-of-the-art communications equipment, vitamins, food and water for six months and three sunbeds.

“It’s very secure, in fact I’m not exactly sure how to get out of it. I accidentally locked myself in while meeting with our ruckman yesterday.”

“Guess Jake Carlisle will have to go up against Naitanui. That’ll teach him for not pledging unthinking loyalty, I mean re-signing with me, sorry us.”

Hird urged all Bombers supporters to stay loyal and to never surrender.

“Now if you see Tanya, can you tell her I’m stuck down here? She always knows how to get me out of these difficult situations.”