If you’re reading this, the unthinkable has happened and I've been left out of the Richmond Football Club’s Leadership Group.

This is obviously an injustice of unprecedented magnitude. I’m keen to see that Mandela movie now, as it will probably be more poignant.

As part of a pre-arranged plan, I will be holed up in an undisclosed location with a PlayStation 3, a bottle of Kahlua and the complete works of Roald Dahl. Do not try to contact me unless you are Scarlett Johansson or possess some type of cheeseburger or both.

This will be a dark day for Tigers supporters, who will find dealing disappointment a new and foreign experience.

I will be asking myself ‘why people no like Jack?’

It makes no sense to me. I’m amazing at football, can kick goals and my mum says I’m distractingly handsome.

People have said I’m too emotional. WELL THAT'S JUST BLOODY RIDICULOUS!!!!! I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT THINGS!!!!!!! THAT”S NOT A CRIME YOU BLOODY LOSERS!

Other people say my body language is the problem.

So I've got poor posture. That’s not a crime.

I find it more comfortable to have my hands on hips, shoulders slumped and a look on my face like I've just drunk soy milk.

That doesn’t mean I’m signalling that my teammates are useless because they couldn't hit a target if their lives depended on it. Idiots.

I was a fantastic leader. I got the younger players to run errands for me and parked wherever I wanted. That’s leadership right there.

What really upsets me is the effect this will have on the fans. This obviously signals the beginning of the end for the golden era Richmond has enjoyed over the past few years.

Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do. You can’t just lead through actions. You need to be appointed and given a title.

I’m sorry Richmond Faithful. Jack did his best.

Commiserations

Jack