Essendon senior players David Myers, Jobe Watson and Brendan Goddard have met with AFL’s CEO Gillon McLachlan and Legal Counsel Andrew Dillon.

The meeting was a secret meeting. SECRET. I shouldn’t even be telling you about it.

Fittingly, there was a secret recording made of this secret meeting. Here is the full transcript.

Gillon McLachlan: Come on in guys. You weren’t followed were you?

Brendan Goddard: The Hirds’ followed us for a bit but we lost them. Luckily James was driving. If it were Tania we’d never have shaken them.

McLachlan: Great. I can’t stress enough that this is a secret meeting. I haven’t even told the media about it yet.

Jobe Watson: In my experience, if something is a secret in footy, it stays a secret. Footy people don't gossip.

Andrew Dillon: Perhaps we should turn all the lights off. You know, media have telescopic lenses.

McLachlan: Good idea Andrew. We should probably get under the dining room table too, so no one can see if anybody is home.

David Myers: It’s a little snug under here.

Goddard (whispering): Whisper David! No point hiding under the table with the lights off if people outside can hear you. It’s like you’ve never gone to a secret meeting before.

Myers (whispering): I’m just not sure five blokes all over six feet, fit under this table.

McLachlan (whispering): What’s he saying? I can’t hear him. Andrew you’re in the way.

Dillon (whispering): I think he said they want six weeks.

Myers (whispering): I said six feet!

Goddard (whispering): Quiet David! We’re negotiating. Never negotiate against yourself. Have you never been to a negotiation before?

McLachlan (whispering) to Dillon: They’re getting six weeks? Did ASADA tell them that?

Dillon (whispering): You’re getting six weeks from ASADA?

Watson (whispering): We’re getting six weeks from ASADA? That’s not the worst outcome. Better than we’d hoped.

Dillon (whispering to Gillon): They say that’s better than they could have hoped.

McLachlan (whispering): Great. I’m glad this is all finally sorted. Glad ASADA saw some sense.

Goddard (whispering): Don’t look so glum David this is a good outcome.

McLachlan (whispering): Can you all crawl out the back door and let yourselves out? My wife’s almost home and this would take more explaining than that time the coaches all visited and Brad Scott wouldn't leave.