Be it AFL or Rugby League (preferably both), nothing is more Australian than a Grand Final BBQ.
Whether you like football or not, going to one of these events is a certainty.
For those who are unsure of how to behave, here are the rules to watching footy with other people.
This column is for those Aussie heroes who are doing the actual hosting. You are what make this country the greatest in the world on any measurement by a significant margin.
You Cannot Over-cater
This is important. When hosting one of these things, expect a long day. With the game starting at 2.30pm you will find many people arrive around 12.30 or 1pm. Food should be served straight away.
Fire up the BBQ at this point. You don’t want to be cooking at the start of the game. Anyone who shows up that close to the bounce can eat corn chips.
People will then nibble during the game with a good host serving party pies and sausage rolls at half time. For the vegetarians it’s important to serve them nothing or you just encourage them. Like seagulls.
By 5.00pm, people will be drinking hard. This will be because they are celebrating, drowning the searing pain of loss or using alcohol to numb that sad feeling that never really goes away.
At this point, many hosts have no more food and think it’s over. This is a rookie mistake. At about 7.30pm everyone will be hungry again. This is the time you fire up the barbie again. People will think you are the Messiah at this point.
Be ready for another serving at 11pm and possibly a 1am sitting too. The 1am sitting is where I get rid of the cheap meats guest have brought. You will have salad left over whether you started with ten salads or none.
You Must Have a Good Television
Don’t have a big TV? Then don’t host. Anything below 60 inch means you’re not ready to host one of these things. Work harder, TVs aren’t that expensive.
If you still go ahead with a small TV, you will be committing the biggest act of social suicide you can in this day and age. People will be talking about you for months, possibly years.
“Yeah, we went to Jeff’s party and he’d invited all these people but had a tiny TV and no one got to see it properly.”
“Oh my god! Are you ok? What did you do?”
“We’ll I just wanted to leave the minute I saw the TV, but my wife said we had to stay given this could be the last Grand Final Jeff ever sees, given his health.”
“I hate to say it, but your wife’s way out of line on that one.”
“I know. She knows it too.”
If you really want to be a hero hire a projector or have more than one TV. Having a second TV outside on the deck near the BBQ is the greatest thing you can ever do.
Single Friends Want Other Singles There
How much fun are couples? Not much, even when you’re a key component of one.
If you're a single person, they are worse than an ill advised Federal Court Challenge.
When you host one of these things, make sure you have singles there who do not know each other.
This will add entertainment for them and an awkward sexual tension that is entertaining for everyone. This entertainment only gets better after the match as people get really drunk.
Even if none of them hook up, watching it all unfold is just what you need to take your mind off the fact your team has less chance of making a Grand Final than a hair straightener does.
Friends with Children Want Couples with Other Children There
Nothing is worse than being the only people with a child at a BBQ. Make sure you invite a few others. Even if the kids and parents don’t interact they will feel less of a burden.
Having children at the event though, doesn’t mean you treat them as modern parents do. Grand Final day is not about the kids.
Do a Don Draper and turn off any interest in what the kids are feeling. In the words of Buster Bluth’s expensive private school they are to be ‘neither seen nor heard’.
You wouldn’t let them carry on at church. The Grand Final is just like that, except important and spiritual.
Men and Women Will Separate Themselves Into Different Groups
This is going to happen. It's like the march to equality never started. The blokes will find their way to the BBQ and the women will be inside usually involved in champagne and salad making activities.
The exception that proves the rule will be one of your mates who has clued in that one of the ladies there is single and he is doing groundwork very early. He will come up short later on.
I like to break up these gender roles by joining neither group, watching the TV and drinking a lot of beer. It’s why the kids lovingly refer to me as that ‘scary, angry drunk man’. Bless them.
Have Plenty of Ice
There’s no way you’ll use it all but nothing comforts people more than arriving to plenty of tubs with ice.
For Collingwood fans, I'm referring to the frozen water stuff, not your hobby.
Later in the night, the tub will become a freezing cold lucky dip that everyone enjoys.
Tipping the freezing cold water onto the garden the next morning, then picking the beer labels up, is Australia’s greatest tradition.
Dilute Your Family
We all have family. Some of us even like them. Familiarity however breeds contempt. It makes people feel they can behave in ways they never would at their jobs. Make sure for every family member you have five non-family guests.
Having other people there makes your family behave. This works well at Christmas too. The non-family members must significantly outnumber them, though, or your family will just absorb them like a virus.
If this approach doesn’t make your family behave, then move to another country and change your name.
Tell People to Bring Drinks
You call it Grand Final Day; I call it ‘fill my shed up with free booze for a year’.
People will bring alcohol and plenty of it if you ask (this rule does not apply to uni students).
Have punch ready with lots of cheap booze in it. Give this to everyone on arrival while you put the alcohol they bring ‘in the back fridge’ for them.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be generous yourself. Always take plenty of booze to other people’s events and have plenty there for the party. This is what that movie Pay It Forward was about. I think.
The Footy is the Focus
People want to watch the Grand Final. Socialising, eating and possibly drinking, all take a back seat. Plan the day carefully.
Asking someone to cook the BBQ during the game is the worst thing you can ever do in your entire life. Ever.
Have plenty of drinks and snacks handy. Someone wants food while the game is on? There’s the bowl of chips and there are the dips. You want a drink? You know where the fruit punch is.
Someone’s having a heart attack? Have it outside, pal.
You are well within your rights to ignore your guests’ needs during the game, as long as they can access food and drink themselves. You are not a waiter.
Conclusion
Hosting a Grand Final Party is a sacred act. Do not take it lightly.
COMMENTS
Malcolm
Sep 21, 2014
Good advice Titus. I must, however, advise absolute caution on the suggestion of watching on Fox. The GF is the only game that Fox doesn't have rights for showing live. No doubt, they will show a replay that night and warm things up with a replay of the 2012 decider. People will be on the edge of their seats while the Hawks and Swans keep regaining the lead, will be amazed at Jetta's run, Rioli chasing him while keeping his hamstring in tact, how well Buddy is contributing to the Swans (albeit by donning a brown and gold jumper and kicking badly) and will only twig when Nick Malceski snaps the sealer. If that doesn't do it, seeing Ryan O'Keefe playing instead of reading about him playing will.
Don't scoff Titus. This has happened before. In 2006 the original Fox Footy decided to warm up it's audience with a replay of the 2005 decider. And people did tune in (including at least one pub in Sydney). Again, it was epic. The Swans and Eagles were going hammer and tongs for 4 quarters. "This is unbelievable" viewers thought. "It's as close as last year". "Can the bloods hang on and go back to back? It's getting exciting." "Just gotta hang on and cut off this kick." "LEO BARRY YOU STAR". "Oh no that looks familiar- hey mate, can you switch to Channel 10?" (You can guess the rest.)
For all the other good advice, please don't ruin it with such a rookie error. Invent a drinking game about what Bruce and Dennis say by all means, but one way or another accept that they will be your only option on the day.
stretch
Sep 26, 2014
Ace mate. Just ace
Sam Fennessy
Sep 28, 2015
This is for you Zoe Rathborne Tagan Carter-Taylor Nic Jones
Zoe Rathborne
Sep 28, 2015
I like the alcohol idea
Tagan Carter-Taylor
Sep 28, 2015
I like the single friend idea
Rob Geddes
Sep 28, 2015
Mines off cobba, told ya last week. No takers alas
Amanda Szalek
Sep 28, 2015
Jacqui Seaton I'm sure you will hold me to this!!!
Jordan Hounsfield
Sep 28, 2015
I was just about to tag you guys haha
Adam Collins
Sep 28, 2015
David Baulderstone Emily Baulderstone don't underestimate the importance of the day
Guy Williams
Sep 28, 2015
Some of your best work Titus.
David Lescai
Sep 28, 2015
We redefine how grand final parties should be run
Simon Swiney
Sep 28, 2015
Alex pay close attention
Sean Limpens
Sep 28, 2015
Justin Peckett i think you have most of this covered?
Warren Vickers
Sep 28, 2015
this is magic
Glen Jones
Sep 28, 2015
Jessie Maes and Locky Maddox take note
James Geddes
Sep 28, 2015
Probably a good result, you were breaking like a good 3 of these rules
Damien Hyatt
Sep 28, 2015
Hilarious! Titus hits some truth here. haha
Lauren Hunt
Sep 28, 2015
Rae Neill Paul Beavis Jill Pemberton Amy Tevener some pointers for Saturday
Shane Speedie
Sep 28, 2015
See Rebecca Rebecca Carbone this is why I said I will cook around 1pm well before the bounce. Some good points made in this article .
Matt Jeffers
Sep 28, 2015
Just an FYI Andrew... Heath, you can supervise
Age Ryan
Sep 28, 2015
I can't wait just lay of the ice Shane Speedie
Age Ryan
Sep 28, 2015
I know they call you speeds
Jason Laver
Sep 28, 2015
Nick Shearman just some helpful tips from Titus.
Anne Carbone Ryan
Sep 28, 2015
This is hilarious
Marcia Evans
Sep 28, 2015
Grace Thompson Milton Thompson we could add a point or two!!
Stuart McDougall
Sep 28, 2015
Samuel Morey Sam Hardaker Guy Raymond Horne Gavin Tucker Nathan Morey Ben Rose... I'm ready.. Bring the single people :p
Shane Speedie
Sep 28, 2015
Drinking will commence once Simon arrives which will be early since he's going to the game , so I hope I can still cook by the late sittings
Heath Browning
Sep 28, 2015
Love it and so true!
Age Ryan
Sep 28, 2015
Looking forward to it
Aaron Wright
Sep 28, 2015
Single friends..? I don't think he's had this one covered horse...? Get Teresa in to action..!!! Hahahahaha
Stefan Cartolano
Sep 28, 2015
Luke Nikolovski Tom North he's spot on about the post game barbie too
Sam Piddington
Sep 28, 2015
Sam Rowe Jack Anderson Read up and take notes boys
Sean Limpens
Sep 28, 2015
I did think that. But she's not a miracle worker mate, you're a tough sell
Justin Peckett
Sep 28, 2015
This weekend will be our 23rd AFL GF BBQ as hosts which highlights just how unsuccessful I've been as a player come finals time!!
So yes have most of this covered although as we all get older the 'singles' element is less of a focus. Might have to source a couple of strays for Aaron Wright & Stuart McLeod or they could BYO
Tom Duurland
Sep 28, 2015
For the vegetarians it’s important to serve them nothing or you just encourage them. Like seagulls. Lol
Sean Limpens
Sep 28, 2015
Outdoor tv could do with an upgrade too
Hayden Pleming
Sep 28, 2015
Bayley Stephenson take note
Nicholas Carter
Sep 28, 2015
Sam Brien..
No pressure mate
George Wood
Sep 28, 2015
Will Sitch haha
Yvette Carver
Sep 28, 2015
Marty, take note.
John, Alexandra, Carly & I will be expecting this.
Stewart Black
Sep 28, 2015
Keith Higham you all sorted?
Ryan Lennon
Sep 28, 2015
Steve, don't encourage the vegetarians. Pretty sure vegans are ok.
Michael Jones
Sep 28, 2015
Alan Jones get prepared fat boy
Rebecca Carbone
Sep 28, 2015
You can cook whenever and whatever you like. Hmmmm do they know about the ice trick? Lol
Kylie Zennaro
Sep 28, 2015
So many gems. I do like "You will have salad left over whether you started with ten salads or none."
Mitchell Kellerman
Sep 28, 2015
Thanks for the tips
Dave Young
Sep 28, 2015
As someone preparing to host a grand final BBQ, please ensure your gas tank is adequately filled, a full spread of sauces and condiments on hand, pools/a sweep for first goal kicker and Norm Smith etc, rules for a drinking game including a drink any time Bruce is overly 'excited' by Cyril and that if anyone asks for their steak to be cooked 'well done' they are asked politely, yet firmly, to leave.
Amy Tevener
Sep 28, 2015
OMG that is gold! Rae Neill take note
Ollie Temme
Sep 28, 2015
Nineteenth Man you should read this. Clearly you're not an Aussie Hero
Tiger Martin, Vern On, Adam Penny, Chris Hampton
Nicole Meehan
Sep 28, 2015
Hahahah this is so good!!
Calhoun Holt
Sep 28, 2015
Don't take it lightly
Dylan Hatfield
Sep 28, 2015
Love your work
Emily Jose
Sep 28, 2015
I'll have what you're having!
Keith Higham
Sep 28, 2015
There are plenty of BBQs around the resort
Just need to arrange whatever you want for lunch
I think we will be around to watch the footy on the park tv
We will sort it out when we get there
Stewart Black
Sep 28, 2015
No worries! Do you have plans for Friday?
Shaun Adams
Sep 28, 2015
Im sure you tagged me in this a year ago too
Darcy Harris
Sep 28, 2015
" For Collingwood fans, I’m referring to the frozen water stuff, not your hobby." Mitch
Thomas Koutsodimitropoulos
Sep 28, 2015
Probably did hagaha
Ash Walls
Sep 28, 2015
David Parr pls take notes
Keith Higham
Sep 28, 2015
A lot of people are arriving then
I think we might just hang around the park and maybe order pizza or fish and chips
Give me a call on Friday when you arrive
Nick Falconer
Sep 28, 2015
Also make sure if you're attending that the host isn't a knob that makes everyone overpay
Tom Stevens
Sep 28, 2015
The pressures on Nicole
Clare Caldwell
Sep 28, 2015
Lucky you have a big TV Gareth Nicholls Saskia Nicholls Hannah Cuthbertson Adrian Peacock Andy Keblys Nick Webb Eboni Watts
Nick Brown
Sep 28, 2015
Nigel Carnell Joshua Searl Sean Fernandez Matt O'Brien Sam Sam Bourke cam Cameron Rowlands
Dave Olifent
Sep 28, 2015
There should be a quiz on this when they're deciding on whether to give someone Australian citizenship.
Russell Wallenaffer
Sep 28, 2015
Liam Buckley please take the time to read this before satdy
Christine Boulter
Sep 28, 2015
Aaaah Titus you almost make me want to have. GF party.... But no...not quite!
George YJ
Sep 28, 2015
That photo from the last Demons GF?
Nineteenth Man
Sep 28, 2015
And clearly ur a tard
Andrew Muir
Sep 28, 2015
Calvin Robinson this can help us this week!
Shannon O'Malley
Sep 28, 2015
Is this your subtle way of indicating you would like to host a gf bbq?
Age Ryan
Sep 28, 2015
What's the ice trick
Liam Buckley
Sep 28, 2015
I think I have most of it covered, just make sure you bring plenty of alcohol haha.
Emma Hansen
Sep 28, 2015
This is gold Bradley!!
Sos MJ
Sep 28, 2015
Haha Moppa will say this is too long to read!
Moppa Moran
Sep 28, 2015
Do you still have things for beer pong mobbsy?
Jack Turner
Sep 28, 2015
But am I having it? More than happy to
Alex Montalto
Sep 28, 2015
Lauren Deeth, Marita Snipe and Steve Conte. I figure seeing you're hosting rookies this may be of help. It's dead on.
Phil Jessen
Sep 28, 2015
Tony Page Colby Newbegin I could have written this!
Andrea Craine
Sep 28, 2015
The ice part had me in tears- makes me think of Zed. And please don't encourage the vegetarians
Ollie Temme
Sep 28, 2015
I'm not angry. Just disappointed.
Steve McCleary
Sep 28, 2015
Adam Walsh take heed mate.
Joshua Pym
Sep 28, 2015
Sooooo. Looks like we are going to yours Maxie haha
Joshua Pym
Sep 28, 2015
Jeeze I'm not that organised ha
Adam Vdb
Sep 28, 2015
When bruce gets "excited" over cyril have a drink, if that is your drinking game david, you will be well hydrated at the least.
Chloe Lorimer
Sep 28, 2015
Annika Panazzolo no pressure
Jack Plant
Sep 28, 2015
Haha I've taken note
Tim Welsh
Sep 28, 2015
Andy Boehm Jarrod Johnstone Casey Stephens Mark Leslie Dixon Shane Powell Warren Swanson Tyson Deering Take note fist.
Blake Davies
Sep 28, 2015
Lee Kelly take notes mate.
Matthew Frost
Sep 28, 2015
Everyone has to chip in for food/drinks or they're getting nothing
Annika Panazzolo
Sep 28, 2015
you should actually read it, its quite a laugh. A+
Charlie Parsons
Sep 28, 2015
Alex Bell still happening?
David Parr
Sep 28, 2015
reading over it i reckon I've nailed most of it already
Jack Anderson
Sep 28, 2015
Is there going to be a test? All I remember is the Collingwood ice joke
Jessica Makin
Sep 28, 2015
Thank you! This was a fab read, I'm going to kill it and have no more money ahhahahaha Sam Needs ready this
Casey Stephens
Sep 28, 2015
Good luck U0001f44a, timber will be reporting back to the group.
Calvin Robinson
Sep 28, 2015
It could but I don't think we need the help let's be honest we own this week haha
Annie Haddad
Sep 28, 2015
Assuming, of course, that you have any interest in the granny.
Sandie Hillard
Sep 28, 2015
This is GOLD!!!
James Horsey
Sep 28, 2015
Plenty of single women invited thanks
David Hutchinson
Sep 28, 2015
No mention of big beefers
Jim Morrison
Sep 28, 2015
Steven Crawford has already stuck his nose in and is helping out
Ian Swann
Sep 28, 2015
Also best to have a mixture of both teams playing supporters so as to keep the game interesting. Nothing worse than having all one eyed supporters from one team in the final no matter whether their team is well ahead or have no hope of winning.
Rhys Lambert
Sep 28, 2015
Few pointers here Ben Leine James McNamara Jacob Banks Harley de Vos
Willem Overduin
Sep 28, 2015
Kayla Reynolds-Davis Jake Devlin welcome
William O'Shea
Sep 28, 2015
Alex O'Neill please read for saturday
Antony Di Censo
Sep 28, 2015
I ticked all these off. And am the best at hosting guests. The pressure is on for Jacob Bolzonello to keep the high standard
Ricardo Verrocchi
Sep 28, 2015
I will do my best :D haha
Ruby Havard
Sep 28, 2015
I love this. I think were goid except for the small tv bit (unfortunatly). Lol
Ruby Havard
Sep 28, 2015
Paul Maxwell. Read it all . X
Jill Pemberton
Sep 28, 2015
Brilliant esp the seagull/vego comparison and clarifying which ice to bring if you're a pies fan U0001f602
Chris Ilkiw
Sep 28, 2015
Duncan Melissa - some tips for the coming weekend U0001f44d
Jacob Bolzonello
Sep 28, 2015
It's gonna be one that's gotta be seen to be believed! Antony Di Censo Stefan Manou
Matthew Heinrich
Sep 28, 2015
Kyle Rasmussen the point about the tv is key
Antony Di Censo
Sep 28, 2015
Massive call. Can't wait
Kyle Rasmussen
Sep 28, 2015
If your having a heart attack, have it outside mate
Dene Thompson
Sep 28, 2015
Tim Whitbourn I think you normally come up to standard.
Natalie Glucz
Sep 28, 2015
I'll just leave it all to you then, and take my rightful place in the kitchen for salad making activities and drinking champagne. U0001f44d
Nineteenth Man
Sep 28, 2015
Live further than 15 mins away and friendships over jocks??
Rebecca Carbone
Sep 28, 2015
Maybe I shouldn't say trick...maybe i should say ice stupidity... Shane often when intoxicated does head stands in eskys with ice!!
Isaac Edwards
Sep 28, 2015
Haha, I planned this 6 months ago when the cricket World Cup was on
Tom Johnson
Sep 28, 2015
Brendan Chatfield Daniel Jones Hannah
Adam Cooper
Sep 28, 2015
Vegetarians. ..serve them nothing.
You'll only ecourage them..
Duncan Mckay
Sep 28, 2015
Put the pressure on me now met let Mel handle it
Brendan Chatfield
Sep 28, 2015
So are you inviting single female friends or are you dogging us on that Tom Johnson?
Scott Izzyworthy
Sep 28, 2015
For the vegetarians it’s important to serve them nothing or you just encourage them. Like seagulls. So true!
Ollie Temme
Sep 28, 2015
I don't do long distance relationships.
Josh Ryder
Sep 28, 2015
Shane Fairlie Rob Campbell Cameron Mckay
Vegetarians
Sam Tyro
Sep 28, 2015
Didn't I read this last year
Alex De Rossi II
Sep 28, 2015
Love it all, have to go to jb's on Friday though Laura
Chad Johnson
Sep 28, 2015
Aaron Pulsinelli time to be a messiah
James Scullin
Sep 28, 2015
David Hutchinson 2nd TV on the balcony isnt a bad idea
Alexander Crowden
Sep 28, 2015
Will Guy, this is gold, take the time to read it carefully and in full.
Aaron Pulsinelli
Sep 28, 2015
Plenty of booze and plenty of food mate
Tom Johnson
Sep 28, 2015
Sorry mate byo
Penny Beitzel
Sep 28, 2015
Whenever the commentaters say "Ít's the battle of the Birds of Prey" - skull. You'll be blind by the first bounce.
Tiger Martin
Sep 28, 2015
Tiger can't make it
Will Guy
Sep 28, 2015
I've got the snacks part covered mate, been stocking up as they've been on special. I'll get sausage rolls and party pies on Friday. I've only got a 42 inch TV, should I go out and buy a 60 inch?
Stephen Sandford
Sep 28, 2015
No tips needed here mate
Alexander Crowden
Sep 28, 2015
You can always go bigger, well that's what a guy said to his now ex wife at work!
Anthony Mosel
Sep 28, 2015
Listen to the man steve
John Ryan
Sep 28, 2015
Amanda Murphy Damian Murphy please take note
Stephen Sandford
Sep 28, 2015
I am the man
Brett Niewand
Sep 28, 2015
Haha it's all true
Rachel Birch
Sep 28, 2015
I am confident we have ticked all those boxes U0001f64c
Stephen Khu
Sep 28, 2015
Could do something on the Saturday for the AFL, but the beginning of the NRL final clashes with church.
Andrew Curtin
Sep 28, 2015
Pretty much got all that covered!
Stephen Willats
Sep 28, 2015
People say my grand final was the best
Scott Baker
Sep 28, 2015
Lol Daphne Williamson..U0001f602
Helen Walker
Sep 28, 2015
Some hints Sam Walker Jo Walker
Dave McCrae
Sep 28, 2015
Sam Good just incase you have forgotten
Shane Speedie
Sep 28, 2015
That was in my old bar , those antics won't take place the new area it's more like a mature dining area so no , no head stands U0001f61cU0001f37bU0001f37b
Daphne Williamson
Sep 28, 2015
This is so spot on!! Hence I already plan that it will be a very late long day lol! PS- I'll try my best to be the BEST host! U0001f602U0001f44d
Lucas Bissikalo
Sep 28, 2015
That's fair enough
David Hutchinson
Sep 28, 2015
There's a power point out there if you want to bring one
Scott Baker
Sep 28, 2015
Lol... its always a good day Daphne Williamson.. And it's going to be 31 degrees!!! I haven't seen that temperature for..... 5 days!!! Lol
Daphne Williamson
Sep 28, 2015
I know! Looking forward to it
Anthony Monterrosa
Sep 28, 2015
Haha we dont have to. I mainly was trying to show the satire of the article haha
Duane Harrison
Sep 28, 2015
Post this every year, probably your finest work!
Lauren Ainsworth
Sep 28, 2015
Take note Amanda O'Dea Liz O'Dea Erin Ainsworth Ashleigh Facchin Kirsty German Gin Black Cecilia Anne
Scott Cain
Sep 28, 2015
Love it! Hahaha!! I need to invite 5 other ppl or you'll just absorb them like a virus U0001f602
Sam Good
Sep 28, 2015
I tick most the boxes except having a single woman here for you Dave.
Bradd Gleeson
Sep 28, 2015
Ticking some boxes Dylan but he has some more work to do reading this aye Matthew
Melinda Cain
Sep 28, 2015
Lmao!! Lucky Mum's not going or you'd have to supply 2 kinds of ice. Haha
Hannah Donaldson
Sep 28, 2015
OMG did you write this or what?! Haha! At least now I know how to behave....women and salads, got it!!!
Kevin Hopper
Sep 28, 2015
And you get to serve the men Beers all day
Kevin Hopper
Sep 28, 2015
Or just me
Hannah Donaldson
Sep 28, 2015
Good luck with that U0001f604
Pat Ielasi
Sep 28, 2015
I have confidence
Tim Welsh
Sep 28, 2015
Funny stuff. We need to get Titus to a end of season punters club trip.
Andy Boehm
Sep 28, 2015
60 inch is asking a bit much but I will absolutely deliver on all others. Goes without saying.
Ben Bowden
Sep 28, 2015
Bailey McIntyre please read mate. The pressure is on
Aaron Blake
Sep 28, 2015
Haha don't encourage vegetarians. I can see a De Mario's inferno on the cards for the 11pm sitting
Tanya O'Connell
Sep 28, 2015
Non family members must outnumber family members by a significant number or they will be absorbed U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602
Peter Roach
Sep 28, 2015
I am sure you are on top of these Serge Bortoli. Emily Roach
Kevin Hopper
Sep 28, 2015
That is a certainty...
Dave McCrae
Sep 28, 2015
Well that's what greens is for after
Bailey McIntyre
Sep 28, 2015
We will deliever
Ben Bowden
Sep 28, 2015
Please ensure the TV cable is sorted or I will walk ouy
Bailey McIntyre
Sep 28, 2015
Dad had given it the all clear at the state, is this apart of the "hosting grand final guidelines"
Leland James
Sep 28, 2015
Samuel Roe Ricki Curnow here you go guys. This is a must read!!!
Rik Eboy
Sep 28, 2015
Forgot "don't invite any Hawks fans"
Adam Waldon
Sep 28, 2015
Beers, Footy! All ya need
Michelle Ratzmer
Sep 28, 2015
So I should make enough salad for an army? I don't serve beers or do the other stuff.
Kevin Hopper
Sep 28, 2015
I will leave it in the sun for you
Gin Black
Sep 28, 2015
For the vegetarians it's important to serve them nothing or you just encourage them. Like seagulls.
U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602
Stas Foster-Zuluaga
Sep 28, 2015
Everything except a HUGE TV. Feel we will manage
Tony TC
Sep 28, 2015
Did Goldstein play footy this year? ??
Gerard Marquis
Sep 28, 2015
Steve Davies house this year.
Melissa McKay
Sep 28, 2015
Thanks chris, I will take all this into serious consideration!! One thing I can safely say is that more than likely there will be enough left over for dinner, but there ain't gonna be enough for a 1 am sitting..,,lol
Also make sure u being plenty of booze, it's almost the festive season u know U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602
See u guys Saturday
William Cheffirs
Sep 28, 2015
Jacinda Cox-Wilden hahaha
Jacinda Cox-Wilden
Sep 28, 2015
"You must have a good television"
Serge Bortoli
Sep 28, 2015
Don't forget the drinks Pete
Tim Whitbourn
Sep 28, 2015
60 inches won't cut it. I have three bigger and warmed up.
Nick Shearman
Sep 28, 2015
I'm on it
Matthew Jollands
Sep 28, 2015
That's hilarious hahaha! I reckon Charlie Olsson would appreciate this too!!!!
Rémy Kinna
Sep 28, 2015
Andre K Chris Barnes take note
Karl Voloczi
Sep 28, 2015
So Heath, read up on your etiquette.
Chris Jolly
Sep 28, 2015
Mark Evenden take notes
Mark Evenden
Sep 28, 2015
Hahahahha. Should I buy a BBQ? I'll get ice. Your bring drinks.
Meredith Whittle
Sep 28, 2015
Nathan Whittle maybe you need a bigger tv?!!!
Nathan Whittle
Sep 28, 2015
Happy to by one if I have permission??
Craig Scroop
Sep 28, 2015
Haha pretty sure you have this covered Brock Sperryn...
Hugh McDonald
Sep 28, 2015
Incredible Liam Kelly
Hugh McDonald
Sep 28, 2015
Ben Cunningham you will enjoy
Michael McGeoch
Sep 29, 2015
Some handy tips Nath. The Grand final is like church.... except important and spiritual. Haha.
Rhys Martin
Sep 29, 2015
Brilliant. I could not agree more. Particularly the last part. I once fell for the mistake of firing the BBQ up at ht for latecomers. Missed a good chunk of the 3rd qtr and crucially lost my seat on the couch. Won't be making that mistake again.
Zimz Adam
Sep 29, 2015
People will then nibble during the game with a good host serving party pies and sausage rolls at half time. For the vegetarians it’s important to serve them nothing or you just encourage them. Like seagulls
Madi Ross
Sep 29, 2015
Emma Swanson read up
Emma Swanson
Sep 29, 2015
Perfect! Are you good at beer pong? I have a little suprise...
Madi Ross
Sep 29, 2015
Nah I'm terrible at it haha
But I have a different game for ya
Jarrod Hawthorne
Sep 29, 2015
Matt Landy - nailed it. I swear you are actually Titus.
Rhys Martin
Sep 29, 2015
Yeah, favorite bit.
Nick Whittle
Sep 29, 2015
Bbq tick , 60 " tv no Nath!
Matt Steven Townsend
Sep 29, 2015
Can we expect the good feed? Not over cooked
Donna Hayden Townsend
Sep 29, 2015
So should I start cooking now so we have enough food
Matt Steven Townsend
Sep 29, 2015
Yes!!! Heard a rumour of pork crackle. With only me having the crackle.
Lachlan Ferguson-Smith
Sep 29, 2015
This is gold!
Ross Thompson
Sep 29, 2015
This is great!
Ben Cunningham
Sep 29, 2015
Where you watching it Mac?
Christopher Hamilton
Sep 30, 2015
Andrew Schilg David Healy I think we do ok
Hugh McDonald
Sep 30, 2015
No plan as of yet Ben Cunningham, your plans?
Nick Mountney
Sep 30, 2015
This makes me so happy, I can't even
Ben Cunningham
Sep 30, 2015
Nothing as yet but keen to get around it Hugh McDonald
Brett Grachan
Sep 30, 2015
Sally Kerr some good tips lol
Adrian Phelan
Sep 30, 2015
Read carefully Lukey. Be a messiah!
Daniel Nyhof
Sep 30, 2015
Gold! Hope she has the family/friend ratio sorted.
Brett Grachan
Oct 01, 2015
Bring plenty of ice, and for the Collingwood people i'm talking about the frozen water stuff... Gold!
David Reed
Oct 02, 2015
Jeffrey Hutt have a read for tomorrow
Jeffrey Hutt
Oct 02, 2015
Wow maybe I should rethink this hosting stuff lol
Dylan Colson
Sep 26, 2017
Some of your best work Titus!
Ros
Sep 26, 2017
Gold as always, this sums up footy and GF day "You wouldn’t let them carry on at church. The Grand Final is just like that, except important and spiritual'!!!
Keith Martine
Sep 26, 2017
Onya Titus, the Livy of football
Aussie Bob
Sep 27, 2017
They should just rename the first Monday in October as Australia Day so we have a LWE to recover from this sacred Saturday
Richard Mcloughlin
Sep 27, 2018
Outstanding! Premier class material. Have you considered motivational speaking for your club?
Gregjbyrne32
Sep 27, 2018
My mate and his wife who are not avid AFL watched 2006 in different rooms. She watched it on 7, he on Fox not realising it was a replay. Great game they agreed, pity the Eagles lost he said, she’s going no...they won....no no, the swans won ?!?
McGovern's love handle
Sep 27, 2018
Rules for gf day spectators:
1. No spending the entire 2nd quarter talking about your and your girlfriend's recent trip to the States.
2. No discussing modern anthropological methodology in the TV room with 5 minutes to go, scores level (true story)
3. Just. Shut. Up.