Well it’s September and AFL finals footy is in the air. Footy is now unavoidable and it’s time to choose a team to say you’re barracking for if you’re one of those people who did not have footy indoctrinated into you since birth.

For the supporters of those teams unlucky enough not to make the eight (welcome back Richmond and Melbourne fans) you too may want to choose a team or more likely, barrack against someone.

So here is a guide to each of the teams in the finals for those who have not watched much footy this year (Melbourne fans) and those who may have never watch AFL footy (people living in Greater Western Sydney).

Hawthorn

Hawthorn’s nickname is the ‘Hawks’ and this is due to the Hawk being an arrogant creature that frequents nightclubs.

The mighty Hawks have two of the most exciting players in the AFL, Lance ‘Buddy’ Franklin and Cyril Rioli. Lance’s nickname comes from his great uncle inventing the famous ‘buddy system’ (this may not be true).

Why you should barrack for them: They are an exciting team and have a very good chance of winning the whole thing.

Why you shouldn’t: Hawthorn’s born-to-rule attitude may clash with your strong views on class. This is of course if you are a communist.

Adelaide

The Adelaide Crows are the establishment team of South Australia. Sure, to be a member of the establishment in Adelaide just requires you to be literate but it’s the upper class all the same.

The Crows are a well-drilled club who have gone from finishing 14^th last year to finishing 2^nd this year.

Why you should barrack for them: The Crows’ turnaround should hearten any team outside the eight this year. For Demons fans, enjoy watching Scott Thompson who was let go only to star for Adelaide.

Why you shouldn’t: If you’re a Port Adelaide fan, this team is a no go zone, you will be torn however because each Adelaide home final will provide a perfect opportunity to go about your job: breaking and entering.

Sydney

Hello Sydneysiders! Time to care about the Swans again. Are any of you Giants fans? Never heard of them? Ok let’s move on.

The Swans play tough football and have shown an ability to consistently rebuild themselves into contenders. Adam Goodes alone is worth supporting the Swans as he is a true superstar of the game.

Why you should barrack for them: If you’re from NSW, hop on board, there’s plenty of room on the bandwagon.

Beating those Mexicans at their own game is a great feeling and drives them nuts because unlike West Coast fans, you have no actual interest in proceedings.

Why you shouldn’t: It’s Sydney.

Collingwood

As the largest sporting club in Australia, the Magpies have more fans and money than anyone else. The Magpie fan is stereotypically described as having no teeth, no education and no hygiene. This would be inaccurate, they are also car thieves.

This year, the Magpies replaced long time coach Mick Malthouse with Club Legend, Nathan Buckley.

It hasn’t been exactly smooth sailing due to star forward Travis Cloke’s form being down due to off field negotiations being run by his father (always a good approach).

Why you should barrack for them: Maybe you’ve suffered a major head injury recently which has resulted in you only liking black and white.

Why you shouldn’t: Hating Collingwood is an AFL tradition. To actually support them, would be poor form. Even Collingwood fans would wonder what’s wrong with you.

West Coast

The West Coast Eagles are a team based in Perth and have an incredibly annoying habit of being successful.

Eagles fans have a constant chip on their shoulder that they are always persecuted by the Victorian dominated AFL media. On this point they are correct.

Why you should barrack for them: If you’re from WA and don’t like the Dockers, the Eagles are your team. If you’re one of those easterners, you may support the Eagles because you hate all the other teams more and don’t mind that Nic Naitanui guy.

Why you shouldn’t: This is the State that tries to succeed from Australia ever fifty years or so. It’s un-Australian to not want to be part of Australia you could argue.

Geelong

Last year’s Premiers are from a city about an hour out of Melbourne.

Melburnians have a new fondness for Geelong now that the Geelong bypass exists and they never need to go through it on the way to the beach.

Geelong has beaten both Sydney and Hawthorn in recent weeks so hardly look out of place in the finals despite many predicting they are too old.

Why you should barrack for them: Geelong has spent the last two years being told they are past it and can’t keep winning Premierships. They responded to this last year by winning the Grand Final. It would be great to see them win again just to prove the conventional wisdom wrong.

Why you shouldn’t: Geelong again? I don’t think so. When they first won, it was great to see a bunch of supporters who had known so much pain finally win it all, now it just seems routine.

Fremantle

The Fremantle Dockers have had a lot of trouble making the finals. As a result, last year they made the ‘ruthless’ move of replacing their existing coach with Ross Lyon who had coached St Kilda to two Grand Finals (both losses).

Why you should barrack for them: Matthew Pavlich is terrific player who would be much more of a superstar if he played on a Victorian team. Fremantle are a true underdog and your best non-Victorian option in the finals.

Why you shouldn’t: Ross Lyon coaches the most boring defensive brand of football on the planet.

Fellow Flack writer Jonty believes Ross actually hates football and is trying to destroy it. Jonty is correct on this point.

North Melbourne

The Kangaroos have surprised everyone, including themselves, by making the finals. Their coach is the identical brother of Geelong’s coach, which has led Ares Mars to speculate they swap teams occasionally like the movie Freaky Friday.

Why you should barrack for them: North are a side fighting for their future with rumours of them being relocated constantly circulating. They are the Victorian underdog of these finals with nobody expecting them to go far. Choose them if you liked the Rocky movies.

Why you shouldn’t: They have no chance. You want a team that at least has a chance, otherwise you’ll have to come back to this article and choose all over again. Nobody wants to do that.