Dear Trent

The Hawthorn Football Club is interested in acquiring your services through free agency.

We’ve heard that you are, somewhat bizarrely, loyal to your current club, but we believe we can offer you a very appealing deal.

Our offer is based around the following:

• Lots of money
• A chance of winning a Premiership in your lifetime
• General competency
• Coaching
• Not Richmond

We have a heap of money left over cause that Buddy guy left for Sydney to hang out with his girlfriend.

Therefore, we are keen to give you a fair bit of this money, which you can then exchange for a range of goods and services.

Do you like winning Premierships? It’s probably something you’ve never even considered being at Richmond, but with us it could actually happen.

Winning a Premiership is amazing. It’s feels like when you throw a piece of paper across the room and land it straight in the bin, times a million.

We are also competent at running a football club. We have money, facilities and people who know what they’re doing. We believe you would really come to appreciate this once you experience it.

Our coaching staff is second to none. Even when our senior coach gets sick, the work experience kid can step in and win.

Even he knows how to make tactical adjustments during a game to ensure victory, something you’re probably not used to at Richmond.

Lastly, we are not Richmond.

We think this is a pretty convincing offer. The only downside is you will have to wear a lot of brown and there’s a good chance you’ll meet Jeff Kennett.

Looking forward to your response.

Regards

Chris Fagan - General Manager - Football Operations