Geoff Walsh addressed the Collingwood Board about his review of the Football Department last night.

Here’s the transcript of his address to the Board:

Early this year, you requested I do a full review of Collingwood’s football department.

While surprised to discover the club had a football department, I set out to interview the key personnel and review on field performances.

Unfortunately, that meant watching a lot of Collingwood games from the last few years.

There are some things that unfortunately can’t be unseen, and my workplace compensation claim will be with you shortly.

One thing I learnt, is that if you watch all Collingwood games from 2012 to now, it’s like watching Breaking Bad, things get progressively worse and you get a feeling things will not end well.

My thorough review has found several areas that could be considered weaknesses in the football department.

I would characterise these weaknesses under an umbrella term ‘football’.

It is entirely possible that calling it a ‘Football’ Department is false advertising and may breach the Trade Practices Act.

Luckily, there is an easy and affordable solution to this problem.

What I am recommending is the ‘George Costanza Strategy’. Don’t get rid of anyone in the Football Department, just do the opposite of everything they recommend.

They tell you to recruit Chris Mayne on a long and expensive contract, don’t recruit Chris Mayne on a long and expensive contract.

If they tell you to drop Ben Reid, don’t drop Ben Reid. It’s that simple.

This group has consistently made the wrong decision on list management, match day tactics and team selection. Every Pies supporter could have told you that without this long review.

Just do the opposite, you’ll be winning Premierships in no time, after all, you want to go in the complete opposite direction of where you’ve been heading.

Now, let’s move on to some confidential slides which we’ll display in full view of Channel Seven’s cameras.

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