In an unprecedented but widely applauded move, every single person at Carlton has been sacked.
The Board, coach, players and even the weird guy in accounts have all been terminated effective immediately.
“No one person is responsible for the mess we are in, so sacking one person made no sense,” said just sacked CEO Steven Trigg.
“I mean, they hired me and look how well that’s already gone. You couldn’t keep me on and you couldn’t keep the people around who appointed me.”
Former Captain Marc Murphy said it was fair enough that all the players were let go.
“There are people on our own playing list who still think Chris Judd is our captain,” he said.
“You can blame recruiting or the coach but when the players don’t try to get the ball or avoid tackling like it’s Ebola, they have to take some responsibility.
“Getting rid of all the players is no big deal anyway, it’s not like Carlton can go lower on the ladder.”
AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan said while the move was drastic it wouldn’t make the club any worse.
“It’s probably well overdue. I knew Carlton were in real trouble when Melbourne request a priority pick on their behalf.”
However, fans have said the move does not go far enough. Long time fan Dorothy Medea said she would have liked to have sacked some people twice.
“They sacked that nice Brett Ratten so sacking is not good enough for some of these people.”
“I guess this is just what happens when you hire people from Collingwood.”
Carlton will field a composite team this Friday made up of Essendon top-up players, some workmen who were doing renovations at Princes Park and some Auskick participants.
The Blues will be coached in the interim by the marketing manager of Presto, whose favourite movie is The Shawshank Redemption.
As a result of these changes Carlton are now favourites for this Friday night against the Swans.
COMMENTS
MatJessep
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily Lygon Street sacked
joshrowe
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily popular! http://twitter.com/joshrowe/status/603067144163749888/photo/1
TitusOReily
May 26, 2015
joshrowe yes. Just crashed even though I'd just moved to a stand alone server.
AlexCheers1
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily make BrendanFevola25 president. He'd get the crowds back.
BigFootyTigers
May 26, 2015
joshrowe Turns out TitusOReily works for Carlton too and has been sacked
joshrowe
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily Mick Malthouse hosting Inc ?
gowland_ben
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily BaronBaron15 Mick got a special comments job on Channel 7, now we can hear him talk about how bad Carlton are every Friday.
BaronBlacky
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily Robfromtaroona What happens to the water boy? Who will slice the oranges for quarter time? How about Jacqui Lambie?
Geoff Schaefer
May 26, 2015
I nominate Shane Watson as the next coach...
Ryan O'Shea
May 26, 2015
John Cilia
Nathan Douch
May 26, 2015
Cameron Sloan
Natalie Webster
May 26, 2015
Mick to replace Watson at 3 - direct swap.
Matthew Todd
May 26, 2015
Christian Baltatzis
Andrew Mitchell
May 26, 2015
Bruce Mitchell
James Davey
May 26, 2015
Brenton Liebeck
Bob Hobson
May 26, 2015
Wonder if Jason Gillespie wants to put his hand up to coach another basket case?
mjmcgeary94
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily thought they were gonna hold a meeting for a meeting again
Dipboyfrankie
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily has mark stevens just become redundant?
Simon Duckworth
May 26, 2015
Tom Hecimovic
Jayden Barmby
May 26, 2015
Brad Fendyk
Roseanna Khabbaz
May 26, 2015
Kristie of course you'd like this post
Kristie Wilkins
May 26, 2015
Not like....LOVE!!!!!!!!!
Brad Fendyk
May 26, 2015
Shush.
Kristie Wilkins
May 26, 2015
ohhhhhhh can't tell you how amusing it is, hunney!!!
Alex Ward
May 26, 2015
Does this mean Swans win on a forfeit???
cookdf
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily I've reached out and offered Mick a position on the coaching panel of my Fantasy team.
Penny Beitzel
May 26, 2015
Bootsma for Blues President.
Timothy Linnell
May 26, 2015
Destiny Haider
Jarrod Kenney
May 26, 2015
Couldn't happen to a better bloke...
Casey White
May 26, 2015
Beau Greenway Matthew Mills Jordan Dennis
Roseanna Khabbaz
May 26, 2015
I can but shouldn't I be standing by my man??? U0001f61dU0001f61d
Luke Stash Parker
May 26, 2015
Jacob Mcchrystal Nathan John Blake Gramsbergen
Blake Gramsbergen
May 26, 2015
Hahahaa
Marcus Blake
May 26, 2015
Matthew Dougherty
Caleb Baird
May 26, 2015
Mathew Dyer Zac Tapscott
Christopher Weinberg
May 26, 2015
Tom DreamTeam Burrows Jonathon Males Nick Twomey Mick Ford
James Arthur
May 26, 2015
James Re
Greg Dowling
May 26, 2015
Adrian Gissara Shallow Mal
MicksDemons
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily Breaking: Mick gets huge bonus from Pies and will resume head coaching role. Eddie is a genius! His plan worked perfectly!
Dave Lloyd
May 26, 2015
The AFL has advised they will conduct an investigation into Carltons sackings today. Gill McLaughlin has said "The AFL, the AFLPA and the AFL Coaches Association have requested a review of Carltons coach and player sackings today. Under rule 6.16 (a) total coach and player sackings cannot exceed 25 in one day. If breached, this constitutes a "sacking cap" breach. This can result in draft sanctions and fines."
hanahheart
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily LOL Penrose231
Ian Firth
May 26, 2015
James Henwood
Anthony Henwood
Luke Henwood
David Underwood-Harris
May 26, 2015
Michael Charlton
Michael Charlton
May 26, 2015
John Bellmunt
GlennFinkelde
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily the hovercraft driver?? #Carlton
Kristie Wilkins
May 26, 2015
Yes you should be.....!!!!! Standing by him, and pointing and laughing on behalf of your BFF!!!!!! :)
Liam Caplice
May 26, 2015
Oh, you can only but dream. Jodan Graham Sam Kalimnios Liahm O'Brien Jack McCulloch
Wayne Lineker
May 26, 2015
David Smorgan just commented on Carltons tragic history
James Re
May 26, 2015
Hahahaha hilarious read carlton will be made up of 'Auskick participants' and lead by presto who's favourite movie is 'shawshank redemption'
Josh Barnes
May 26, 2015
Tyler Barnes show this to dad! Haha
James Arthur
May 26, 2015
The favourite movie cracked me up haha
Dashiell Ravlich
May 26, 2015
Troy Svaikauskas
Stu Joyce
May 26, 2015
Finally a step in the right direction Dipak Patel Geoffrey Pryor
James Re
May 26, 2015
hahahah soo glad that sour old prick has been sacked
Dipak Patel
May 26, 2015
Brilliant.
Andrew Painter
May 26, 2015
Rhys Collier Josh O'dwyer
Roseanna Khabbaz
May 26, 2015
U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602
Brad Zeni
May 26, 2015
Shane Scott Saverio Russo
Dylan Withanaarachchi
May 26, 2015
Andrew 'Goofs' Williams Ben Wood Brayden Wight
Sam Branigan
May 26, 2015
This development has dramatically shortened their odds.
Samuel Duncan
May 26, 2015
Ben Cardwell
Nick Sammut
May 26, 2015
Tom Roberts how long do you reckon Titus had this one in the kit bag for?
Rob Bruce
May 26, 2015
Mark Newman
Laura Franklin
May 26, 2015
Mick Daly
Alexander Crowden
May 26, 2015
His best article yet Phil Crowden Alex Males
Elizabeth Bragianis
May 26, 2015
Alexander A. Bourjaili haha jesus i was looking for Jain Austin, EITHER WAY HAHAHAHAHAH!
Max Hughes
May 26, 2015
Jonathan Bush
Marshall Bromwich
May 26, 2015
Dean McNamara - I still don't understand why Mick left Collingwood when club and coach appeared at the peak of their powers. Bizarre...
Dean McNamara
May 26, 2015
Agreed - but I've never seen two bulls work a paddock together. #egos
Tom Roberts
May 26, 2015
Since he was appointed
SlugMichael
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily genuine LOL at Presto/Shawshank gag.
pgoog59
May 26, 2015
I believe John Barker can't see where the Blues will lose a game for the rest of the season.
Thomas Rutjens
May 26, 2015
Nathan Lambert brilliant
Jimmy Wilson
May 26, 2015
AJ Johnston Tim Markham Matt Rose
Ethan Egan
May 26, 2015
Adam Alan
Robert Cartledge
May 26, 2015
Maybe there's a chance of a happy ending now, Darren
15Gizmo
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily Now that would be a step in the right direction.
Bonjour_Pippy
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily Maybe they should almagamate!
pepino55
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily Blaine Broekhorst doesn't deserve the sack!
pepino55
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily Blaine Boekhorst doesn't deserve the sack!
runbilloz
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily the tea lady is suing for breach of contract
Ben Cousins
May 26, 2015
Sam Marner
Nt11Smd
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily Sensational read. Always look fwd to your stuff
Mark Newman
May 26, 2015
Unimpressed, bunch of ineffectiveness blaming others for their interventionist policies.
Mark Tatulaschwili
May 26, 2015
Great article Bryan
Michael Robertson
May 26, 2015
Alex Robertson
Simonktheo
May 26, 2015
TitusOReily Brilliant reading.... lmao
peteguley
May 27, 2015
TitusOReily "....Melbourne requesting a priority pick on Carlton's behalf." Hilarious!
seanco1980
May 27, 2015
TitusOReily you must be exhausted after yesterday's tweets- coaches being sacked must be your grand final day!
Matt Raison
May 26, 2015
Anthony Caruso James Begley
Tim Grady
May 27, 2015
Andrew Zanker
Mick Daly
May 27, 2015
Kevin Isaac Matt Healey Mathew John Barnes Andrew Hine Jason Radford
Nathan Gioffre
May 27, 2015
Jess Stojanoski
Jess Stojanoski
May 27, 2015
"We couldn't get any lower" love it U0001f602U0001f602U0001f602
Nathan Gioffre
May 27, 2015
"people still think Judd is captain" hahaha
Jess Stojanoski
May 27, 2015
And we tackle like the other person has Ebola hahaha
Sarah Gracan
May 27, 2015
Sarah Beth Kilby Kerry Gracan Hahahahahahaha OMG. :')
Anthony Caruso
May 28, 2015
Bring back Lawrence angwin
Bradley Wilson
May 31, 2015
Cody Beard