Dear (Insert Name)

Thank you for inviting me to your dinner party/wedding/funeral/baptism/kid’s birthday/bail hearing/recital/street theatre demonstration.

It truly sounds amazing. I could not even attempt to put into words how keen I am to go.

Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend. Beyond shattered, I know.

Now, apart from the fact I don’t really care much for leaving the house or talking to people, it appears you failed to consult the NRL/AFL/Cricket/A-League/ARU/Olympic/Netball/mixed volleyball schedule when planning your event.

This is disappointing for you, as I imagine I’m not the only one who will be forced to decline.

I’m no great judge of these things but I wouldn't be surprised if people think less of you as a person, after reading your invitation and seeing the date.

Of course I don’t share those feelings, overtly at least.

It does constantly baffle me though, how seemingly intelligent people, fail to take the important step of seeing what sport is on before attempting to hold some sort of awful social occasion that I don’t want to go to anyway.

After all the AFL draw, for example, is released in October before the next year's season. This means you know when I’m busy more than four months in advance! Other sports give similar notice.

If you study all of the sports different schedules carefully, you’ll see there is a weekend in mid-February, every few years, which is ideal for a non-sporting engagement. Oh, it’s not free if people like tennis or golf.

Of course, now you understand my reason for not attending, you’ll not only excuse my absence but feel incredibly foolish for even attempting to host this event at that time.

All the best for the event and thank you for thinking of me.

Titus